THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXV, Issue 10, 12 January 1934, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE .MAN ABOUT TOWN.) (Professor Taylor, of Princetown (TJVS.A.) University, is the man who makes half a thimbleful of the new "heavy water" in his factory every day. People NEW WATER, are so keen about the •water that is to revolutionise science that Mr. Taylor plans ..to increase his output to a whole thimbleful per diem. He uses twelve thousand gallons of ordinary water to produce three ounces of heavy water. A gramme of heavy' water costs thirty pounds, a teaspoonful one hundred and twenty, and a quart thirty thousand pounds. It is a new poison, and the gentlemen, for whom it is being made are not mentioned. Those who like their drinks less concentrated will, one feels sure, stick to 'Pupuke—and the price k much lower. The smartly dressed and impeccably groomed ladies and gentlemen from Earotonga wh'o are in New Zealand for the Waitangi celebrations, are seen to BOOTS AND , be wearing their shoes BREECHES, without pain and their tailored suits eans anguish. Their cheerful presence will recall the presence of less jo3 - ous Rarotongan brothers, who came to Auckland in war time for training. Few of the recruits had worn pakeha clothes, and the clothes chafed them sorely. Hardly any of them had worn boots —lucky chaps! The "Masseys" into which their exuberant toes were stuffed were, if not the last straw, the straw before the last. The earth didn't seem to belong to those booted .feet, whereas, bootless they sprang about like young gazelles. They had to be taught with pain to subsist and fight on white man's tucker —and the going was hard. The ladies and gentlemen now in New Zealand seem to have overcome the handicaps of their soldier brothers.. But even these Rarotongans would probably be more at home in booties* feats. Once upon a time in one of the King's Dominions there was a ehip'6 fireman who, desiring a breath of presh air, went ashore, intending, like most sailor THE STOWAWAY, men, to become a man on

the land. He found apparently that the farmers didn't want any stoking done, and, as a matter of fact, he soon pined for any ship that would take him back to Blighty. So he reached a port, selected his vessel, stowed away in a professional manner, and lay low for a couple of days in the bunker department. He heard useful noises, and concluded the ship had cleared, and so, emerging from his possie simulating great fatigue, he waylaid the chief engineer. To the chief he mentioned that he was ■ very hungry, very thirsty, very tired. He owned he was a stowaway. The chiefsympathised with him, dredged his pocket, brought up a shilling, and handed it over. "Go ashore and get yourself a feed, my man," said he—and grinned. The ship was still tied to the'wharf undergoing repairs—and Liverpool is yet a great way off. The man in the white overalls, chipping a monolith with hammer and chisel, was approached on the subject of earthquakes and of man-made means for SAFETY IN rendering buildings safe THE HOME, during such visitations. "There_ is only one kind of dwelling thafc is safe during an earthquake," he remarked, "and that is a tent." Instantly in the mind's eye there sprang incredible congregations of,tents —flooded tents, tents blown into ribbons by Nature who wasn't staging an earthquake or a tidal wave : that day, isolated tents in an Aussie sandstorm, hurtling across the sky like a pocket handkerchief with the eret occupant on his stomach clinging to Mother Earth to avoid being blown after his dear old home. Tents one has known have been ultimately trampled by elephants —a kicking mule with a Scotsman on it got tangled up in the runners of another tent and destroyed it—a "willy-nilly" ofl large; proportions uprooted forest trees, took the corner off a house a"nd—left a little six by eight tent unharmed, together with its .occupants. Yes, yes, tents are perfectly safe—from earthquakes. In the Waitakeres there is a lucky camp of girl guides, for the muster is gladdened and enriched by five sets of twins and one set of triplets, an answer TWINS AND . to those married bachelors OTHERS, and wedded spinsters who fear for the future of the country. A point of interest is that girl guides as far as sartorial effects are Concerned are indistinguishable in uniform, and without doubt there are laughable moments on parade when Elsie is addressed as Bella and Bella is mistaken for Kate, and so forth through eighteen possible human complications, when the roll is called. Perhaps, of course, one twin sister mayi be distinguished from the other twin by badges of rank or .efficiency. Perhaps the triplets answer the roll in varying degrees of vocnlism. One may be soprano, for instance, another may call "iHere!" in a mezzo, and the third respond to the call in contralto. In twin or triplet life it has been possible—especially among- boys—to impersonate each other so that Bill may get whacked for the misdoings of Harry. One knew a pair of adult twins with a single dress suit between them. There was perpetual war. At school Harry quarrelled with a schoolmate, and Bill got the hiding. You could always tell when Bill had Harry's best boot* on. because he limped in them, having a corn. None of these little manly squabbles as to identity take place in a girl guides' camp, of course, but the happy condition in the Motutara camp naturally reminds one of other twinships and triplehoods. Enthusiastic hunters with broom and shovel lately slew three or four dozen local rats in a wharf .shed when the obscuring bags of grain had been lifted. PIED PIPER. 'No methods ever taken with broom, shovel, poison, eras, traps or water have eliminated the rat, who is endowed with brains of a superior order and manages to survive through the generations despite organised and persistent sffort to wipe him out. The little foray igainst a few rats locally serves to remind Auckland people that but a. few years ago when bubonic plague was threatened, local ?ommerce was forced by regulation to iijrht ;his persistent marauder, and every opening )ii to highways was carefully wire-netted, so :hat rats finding themselves far from home iad the key of the street, as it were, and ■at.a at home were presumably unable to leave t in case they met their natural enemy—man. t is coiMpute3 that rats do thousands'' of n ill ion pounds' worth of damage to food and joods in the world every year. From time to ;imo great economists, seeking to elim-|i nate hunger and raise dollars, burn count- , i ess tons of grain, when on humanitarian 1 rrounds they might hand it over to the rats, i is it would be uneconomic to hand it over to i iiingry humans. It is thp eternal war on rats < hat has taught a million rat generations jl heir marvellous technique—for the rat is a p renins who devises new expedients to meet;] iew attacks. Cheerful scientists liavc declared [I hat but for some more powerful means of , i wholesale elftying rats and insects may eventu- t lly eliminate humanity. They set the period i orward a few thousand years, so that the a iresent generation need merely use the broom- p nd-dust-pan method of elimination. |