IN BLUNDERLAND.

Auckland Star, Volume LXV, Issue 3, 4 January 1934, Page 16

IN BLUNDERLAND.

THE ICE CREAM BANK.

SONG OF VICE-PRESIDENTS.

AXICB VISITS AMERICA.

[The following satire appeared in the "Chicago Daily News."] Just as the band came opposite Alice, 'the music suddenly stopped, they all halted, and, to her surprise, the drummajor lifted his high silk hat and spoke. "May we take the occasion of this beautiful holiday to sing you our song 2" he asked pompously. "Oh!" brightened Alice. "Is it really a holiday?" "Certainly! A bank holiday! Allow me to introduce myself. I am the bank president. These are my vice-presidents, ■and this, is the bank." To Alice it looked more like an icecream stand than a bank. She felt sure it must bo an ice-cream stand, because on one side it said in big letters: "Eat More Ice Cream." On top of it sat a monkey. "What, fun!" thought Alice. The little animal was tied with a string and it had on a sailor hat labelled "Director." But before Alice could begin to play with it the vice-presidents had put down their horns and drums and were begining to sing: "You lend to me, I lend to you, Then one and one make two and two. "I lend to you, you lend to me, Then two and two make three and three. "I lend, you lend, we lend once more, Then three and three make four and fonr. "If I, If yon, if we all borrow, Gone are poverty and Borrow. "If I, If you, both lend and spend, Prosperity can never end." Tweedledum and Tweeaiedee. During the singing two little fat boys had drawn near, one pushing a peanut stand, the other a popcorn wagon. The peanut boy, Alice noticed, was greedily istuffing his mouth full of popcorn the "whole time, while the popcorn boy was jju'st as busily eating peanuts. "These," explained the drum major in :a: confidential tone, "are my brothers, 'Tweedledum and Tweedledee." "I'm afraid, if your brothers go on like that," said Alice disapprovingly, •"they will both be very ill." "Oh, that's all right," replied the ■drum major carelessly, "they're insured. Would you like to hear our story? Once upon a time there were three .brothers —you know I" He winked at .Alice. "Our father died> leaving us each 10 dollars. My brothers determined to go into business. . But they hadn't enough money. So I started a bank. We each put in 10 dollars. That made 30. I issued banknotes. That made 60. They borrowed it all and I put it to their account. That made 120. I'compounded the interest and relent tiem the total amount. They consolidated the profits and redeposited. We are now coming up in the world. They incorporated." Here- Tweedledum and Tiveedledee, nodding approval, patted their round stomachs. "I formed a holding company. Using the common stock as.' security, we bought one another's preferred stock and sold the bonds to the public. Nothing could stop ua now. We were rich! Wβ were powerful! There remained only to live happily •ever after." "But," said Alice, "1 thought your iather only left' you ten dollars apiece." "Quite so," agreed the drum major. •"And would you like to know the secret of our success? It is work and save, work and save; never forget to work «.nd save." ' ' ■ Just then one of the vice-presidents, round eyed,, held up a finger. At a nod • from, the drum major he tiptoed forwardrand Whispered - so loud that everyone could hear: "The director—the director has mixed up the call money with the frozen .assets!" There was a moment of tense silence. Everyone looked at the ice-cream stand. The monkey had disappeared inside it. Pale but calm, the drum major took hold -of the string and presently dragged out the monkey. Its paws and lace were smeared with ice-cream, and Alice saw that a pool of water was rapidly forming' on' the ground. Tweedledum and Tweedledee were ■ecized with a panic. "We want our money! Give us back our money!" they shrieked. "i'ia sorry," said the drum 'major suavely, "but you can't ■ have your money. It's frozen." "Then- give us ice-cream!" pleaded the indignant/ brothers. 'Tm sorry," said the drum major digain.j..- , fbut'«it ? s melted." ■ -. There was no gainsaying tfcie. The two brothers began to cry. At the same time Alice saw her. old friend, the professor come bus tling through; the crowd of despondent vice-presidents. "What's all this?" he demanded. ?It'it a depression," sighed the vicepresidents. "It's a. swindle," groaned the brothers. "Nothing of the sort! It's just an ordinary trade cycle," expostuated the drum major. "JFor my part," spoke up Alice, "I think it's a lot of foolishness." But nobody listened to her. ■ Comply on Demand. '.'NoTuf, the main thing," said the professor, "is to get back to the good old principle of comply on demand." "You mean supply and demand," corrected Alice, for she felt no particular respect .for this officious young professor.' -•■.-. "I mean comply on demand," he retorted. "It's the oldest principle in the world. Now, the next thing," he continued briskly, "is to shorten hours and .increase -ages. Suppose each hour were only thirty minutes. This woulc be fofty-teight hours a day instead of twenty-four, and our ages would be doubled." "But our ages couldn't be doubled, you know," insisted Alice, "because there would still be the same number of years.", "What does that matter," snapped the professor, "so long as it spreads industrial enjoyment and lessens the farmers' burden of fret?" '•'But what about our money?" wailed Tweedledum and Tweedledee. "We want ,our money!" "Stupids," cried the professor. "If ■that's all you want, go borrow it' at the batik r.* "Hur.rah.! Hurrah!" shouted all the vice-presidents. And throwing their, silk hats in. the air, they began, again to sii»g and dance around the ice cream stand: "If I, if you, if we all borrow, Happy times will come to-morrow. "You lend to me, I lend to you ... "I lend, jvju lend . . ." ' * ■ • —N.A.N.A.