RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LXIV, Issue 237, 7 October 1933, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

BY "ZAMIEL"

Headline: "Rotary Ho© Overturns." Up to now I was unaware that Rotarians in farming. Tho defence forces of New Zealand are to bo augmented. Even now nearly every knut is a coloneL An American, greengrocer recently beat off a bandit with a cucumber. He probably hadn't a scrap of Gorgonzola near at hand. Reported from the South that a man found a gold watch in a tin of Californian peaches. This adulteration of foods must cease. The week a company of Scots bagpipe players went to Franco for a tour the Senate voted another fifty million pounds for national defence. „ "There's always room at the top, lad," but a fat citizen climbing a pipe radio aerial to fix the wire didn't look to me to bo too comfortable at tho top. Australia is complaining that it* has no national song. Even "Auld Lang Syne" can hardly bo considered national, except perhaps in New Soutli Wales. An Irish citizen recently received a legacy of one hundred thousand pounds. He disappeared next day and has not been since heard of. Heir to-day and gone to-morrow. Peoplo contemplating tho possession of rock gardens are advised to imitate Bangitolo. I'm enlarging my eighth of an aero right away to make room for tho imitation Starlings have been robbing letter boxes in Hawke's Bay. Maybo some bird or other is expecting first money in an oversea sweep —and wants to feather his nest. Dairy farmers may bo interested to hear that many crack tennis players now wear shorts, thus showing how profound an influence calves have on games. I note that new Lord Mayor of London, Sir Charles Collctt, is getting two and a half lines of news spacc in the daily papers, so I'm giving tho poor chap another few words to cheer him up.

It is estimated that the Federal revenue from the 6file of alcoholic refreshment in the United States will be one hundred and forty million pounds per annum. Yes, it has been a long time between drinks.

"I see they've got your picture in the newspaper, dad," said Esmeralda to her absent-minded father. "Oh, what for?" "Oh, it says you are dead." "Dear me —poor fellow —I suppose we'll have to send a wreath."

A New Zealand journalist just back from America says ho doesn't think much of tho ancient journalists of Nevada. Ho says that in prehistoric rock writings, the writer used both sides of the pap—that is, the rock.

One of those cheery old scientists says that we ride about so much that in another twenty,' or thirty thousand years wo shall be legless. Will those theatrical' managers subsisting on aggregations of these useful limbs please take the necessary precautions?

You must feel with mo that the League of Nations anticipates that glad day when the lion shall lie down with the lamb and the asp shall play on the hole of the coc a "trice's dep. A new gun will shoot a hole through sixteen inches of the hardest armour plato now existing. Dear little dove!

I often think what a funny column it would make if a man went round just dotting down the scraps of conversation one overhears. Here is a nicro scrap heard in Wcllesley Street: "Your wife lias dark hair, hasn't she?" "I don't know—she isn't back from the beauty parlours yet."

It has been proposed at a sitting of the legal committee of the League of Nations that there should be one criminal code for all nations. It is understood that the international correspondence from jurists demanding copies of New Zealand Statutes is causing grave blockages in the general post offices of League countries.