RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, 2 September 1933, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

* \

' Wool has risen, but horses remain our stable industry. Just about now the centenary of the altolition of slavery is being celebrated— scz you. Four hundred crates of New Zealand eggs were shipped away this week. Fowl work! Twenty-three American States have gone "wet," but all the rest seem to want a long reign, too. j In a recent football match the Otago I mascot was a bullock's shinbone. One of the lads declares it hadn't the kick it once possessed. j A aafe has been blown open in Dun- I edin. We've had some pretty smart winds in Auckland, too, the last week or so. Sovereigns are worth 30/8J apieco in London, but King Feisal. the sovereign of Irak, is worth ever 6o much more than that. Headline, "Broadi«#jing of Matches." But the broadcasting of matches is nothing in comparison to the broadcasting of matchbox tops. POTTK'D NOVEL. Old Eoldicr, Very stout. Monkey gland, Boy scout. Serious objection was recently taken to a man swearing in Court. Yet it is done ten thousand times a day in every civilised Court in the world. All depends what you swear about. Solemn truth enunciated by a Minis- i ter of the Crown that might have been lost to the world if he hadn't said it: "Wheat has helped to pull Canterbury , through." 'Ear, 'car! | A social battle has been on in Hyderabad and other hot spots in India, and < natives may now go nude. No good for ] the clothing trade, and that is the naked ] truth. By jove, some of those Nazi reformers < have the courage of their convictions. < One of their doctors who advised the c abolition of the unfit, jumped into the Kiel Canal and drowned himself. i

A Cabinet Minister received a deputation of ski-era at a height of 5500 ft. Not a person smiled on this solemn occasion—even when somebody facetiously exclaimed "There's always room at tho top." The Dean of Canterbury does not object to women wearing pyjamas in the Cathedral. Naturally it all depends on who is going to preach v. lather the ladies wish to sleep or not. Terrible news from a remote suburb. Seven people standing at a corner gazing with incredulity at a carpenter and a boy at work. "Grout, heavens," came tho chorus of pessitivsts, "here's somebody building a new shop!" At a Christchur h meeting of tho Society of Impcii i Culture a gentleman said ho doubled :f books that are best sellers to-day v\il be known in DO years. The gentleman, of course, could obviatethis shocking possibility by writing best sellers himself. English must be rather difficult to our interesting visitors from Japan. For instance— man emerging from Magistrate's Court. Friend hails him. "How did you get on?" ''Fine, Jim, line," carolled tho man. "Corker weather, ain't it?" "Yes, fine, Jim, line." "It is impossible to conceive," paid tho soulful canvasser, "what it means for a man to pay thousands of fruitless visits from door to door." "Yes," said the harassed lady of the house, "but wo had iliree peach trees skinned last year—nothing to-day, thanks." j

A TOOTHSOME TALE.

Mr. Joseph S. Wright, athletic director of a large school in Chicago, visiting Xew Zealand, rays he is astonished at the large quantities of food eaten by New Zealanders. He added that he saw more false teeth in Xew Zealand than he had seen for years. Ping n Rons "I , Bustennnco, Menla Just lately tnken, Cic.'Hii null porridge (copiously). Ounces (six) of bneon • Tc.Mst? Sny half a loot, or s» flood old En Zed Imtter : Cups oi ton —say Uvp or six. " Modest ! " you may utter : iTnrdly a sufficient stock Fur a niiin till twelve o'clock. Hunger stalks the starving son!. ('an lie live?—:;reat heaven! 'Til he pots his little snack Just about eleven? "Will the proteins Inst till then, Carbohydrates, too, Fnts and roughage? Should thev fail What will Willie do? Heavens! IIe"Il starve, the poor old scout, Build him up with pints of stout. Weak with fasting, Willie sips His aperitif, Totters out to middav lunch, (!osli : Supposing if All the pies are eaten up. All (lie cream puffs gone, All the currant sandwich sold, Nothing loft but scone, Not a bally thing to carve, l'oor wee Willy fain must starve. Afternoon? Four frightful hours! Terrors yet to be, Now can wilting AVillie live Till it's time for tea? Threp o'clock! His empt.r void Aches most dreadfully;' Just a " spot " to carry on, Then some cups of ten. Bread nnd butter, sandwljh, bun, Starving all day Is no fun. Ah! ITow slow the office clock, Will it never chime? Five o'clock will nover come, Oil, for dinner time! Sou]) and cabbage, carrots, spuds. Bread and beef—no good in Sketchy little feeds like this Short of suet piiddin , . Then Unit rare digestive ease, Half a pound of skim-milk cheese] "Ah! " said Willie. " I must go Slow on evening dinner. For I have to eat some more (Jove! I'm growing thinner:) Banquet to tho Brethren at The. old Hose and Crown, Sixty starving fellows there, Such a sitting down! Each will dine before, but then They must dine again till ten!" Hear the crunch of porcelain Masticating pudding; Canines from the U.S.A. Through (lie menu thudding; Bicuspids all carved for us, Molars? .Ml Imported, Gone the grinders grown in you Ivory Nnturo Rporlod. DcutlsU' forceps (without pain) I'ave the path for porcelain. R-i'-r-r! There lims- the i.,ud nlnrin Mjrlilii'Jir"— i>,nin« III; Whal.'s Mini? V.i, ;iki\>:.r.'-llely Miiuke, One small pepsin pill. 1 *-C.J.