RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LXIV, Issue 117, 20 May 1933, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

"zMees:

Headline: "Clergymen's Refresher." Dear me. lam surprised. Optimism pays. One optimist I know is writing a seed catalogue. Geysers are active at Rotorua. Even in Auckland things have been going up a bit. "Wanted —a War History." Nay! What is really wanted is a history without a war. A French war vessel will be here soon. Old Diggers will be able to get a little French polish. "I hope," said he, "that when business really does turn the corner, it will be on the square." Headline in ladies' paper: "Care of Old Lace." I've had a twopenny pair for four months. Will politicians please note that eggs are in short supply? In fact, the hens have cut the cackle. I fancy that Mussolini and Roosevelt in combination will be able to take the hit out of Hitler. The Nazi attack on a notable German city suggests the song "I am Dauzig With Tears in My Eyes." Headline from Sydney: "Purse Stolen —Theft from a Flat." The name of the gentleman is not mentioned. After all there is something to be said for the Good Old Days. The Kaiser had a better moustache than Hitler. Burglars have been active in Auckland, but the Tax Department does not confine its operations to mere districts. Children have been warned against the danger of flying kites. One wonders if the warning will reach Parliament. The Chevalier Marconi is of opinion that the next war is to bo a radio war. Good egg, if one can turn it off at will! I wonder if in the new No 10 assisted building scheme the authorities will set up any new boards —kauri for preference, of course. A professor asserts that man was just as clever 50,000 years ago as he is now. Why kick our ancestors when they can't kick back? A Nottingham man has invented a shoe leather that polishes itself. What is really wanted is a shoe that soles and heels itself.

Did it ever strike you that posterity will have to pay the stupendous debts we owe? I wonder will posterity be ancestor worshippers? Extract from American paper: "We sincerely hope the Eilropean nations will not indulge in another war—the United States can't afford it." President Roosevelt plays chess, bridge and mah jong, but the most intricate job he lias, is fitting about 10,000 new billets to 150,000 applicants. Several references have been made lately to the jolly looking men of tho Navy. For my part I think they look as if they were in the blues. I feel sure .that the following news item was intended in tho kindliest possible way. "The volunteer crew left the vessel during tho day and the crew's quarters were fumigated." A correspondent, apropos Mr. Forbes' withdrawal, affects to believe that political activities will temporarily cease. He is perhaps unaware that there is still a political Coaterie to carry on the work. Relief workers in the United States are objecting that tho wages are only a dollar a day. It seems that Mr. Roosevelt has the quaint notion that six dollars a week is better than nothing for six lays. Southern sportsmen who have been teal shooting have returned disappointed, declaring that out of a flock of one hundred, ten guns only got ninety-nine. Obviously they forgot their dynamite. A Southern newspaper has an amazing proposition for these hard times. Suggests that all tho scales in New Zealand should be examined and adjusted, so that customers get lOoz in the lb. New Zealand boys and girls who lack work have been advised to copy Florence Nightingale, who in a time of stress found her true vocation. New Zealand, however, is unable to supply a Crimean War in order that little N.Z. Florrie can become "the Lady of the Lamp."

SAM'S BIG NOISE.

A clever man is Uncle Sam, He filled the film with noise, He pleased his fellow-countrymen, And added to tUeir joys: He let tbem hear, per medium Of erstwhile silent screen, The good old pure American, With bursts of jazz between. This overjoyed the citizens Of mighty U.S.A., And proud t.hey were when many films Of theirs were sent away To Britain and her colonies, Far flung across the sea. And pure American was heard In Perth and Ponsonby. For five long years did British folk The Yankee talkie bear, At intervals they groaned aloud, And even clutched their hair. They learnt to say " sez you " and " oke " With vast increase of knowledge, , They learnt about the world of gangs, Of guns, and even " college." Then, strange to say, there came a time When from the silver sheet There issued forth the pleasant sound Of English, cultured, sweet; | For Englishmen had made some films Which England welcomed gladly. And loyal lands across tlie sea 1 Said " England's not done badly." But. when across the " Pond " were sent ! The fruits of British striving, T,est West End English should be heard . In Mid West cities thriving. I.oud rose the cry " Give this the works, 1 Graft on these English guys i A Mid West accent everyone To make them synchronise." —C.M.J, 1J