THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIV, Issue 74, 29 March 1933, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN A3OUT TOWN.)

AWFUL. The word "awful" is used more widely in New Zealand than in any other British Dominion.—Southern news item.

«iii~ n «nnir but not of "birds baked in a P'e," A ilmguagf'.fuU of living words, and some will When e tn 6 e r books are opened, tumbling words about Say! Which of them will you write down and which will you leave out.'

The King was counting up his books—an awful The Queen wasltirring up some dope, fox she was The AlalS 1 WM-in the garden, doing awful deeds Among the awful snails she found among the awful weeds.

And now this awful tale approaches near its awful And e those who twist their awful words their awful ways must mend. . It's dreadful nice to hear you speak in your own

But awfully .nice to use the language right. —AESOP.

A new n-ame—if vou can call it a gamehas broken "out in London, according to an exchange. Men who frequent a certain club have taken to betting on MEN WILL BET. motor cars, and apparently there is a lot ot excitement to be had out of it even though it may prove costly. One man is appointed a bookmaker, and on a sheet of paper he sets down the odds with the names of cars alongside. Bets arc then made and into a hat are placed a number of pieces of paper with a time written upon them. A time, say, 10.20 a.m., is then drawn from the hat, and the bets are decided on the particular make of the first car to pass a particular spot previously selected. The smallest odds are twenty to one. Many years ago betting on the brand of hat worn by the first person to turn a corner at a certain time was popular. One afternoon in the club money was more plentiful than usual, and the betting was heavy. The bowler, which was then fashionable, was a hot favourite, but the belltopper and straw cady had backers. Three o'clock was the deciding hour, and when Big Ben began to tell that three hours had passed since midday there was a dead silence, and all eyes were riveted on the corner. Strange to say, not a soul appeared for nearly half a minute, and then, with a shout of joy, the bookie cried, "A skinner!" as, with very little else on him, there came into sight a Hindu wearing a turban!

When sentencing a young man found guilty of burglary last week in Wellington the presiding judge said that if there was one calling that did not DOESN'T PAY. pay it was that of burglary. His Honor has had his view strengthened by a report published in an English weekly of an "indignation" meeting held in London, when several burglars met to discuss the result of a very neat job they had carried out. With much care and trouble and ingenuity they had removed a mantelpiece, top and sides and all, from the mansion formerly occupied by Lord Portarlington, in Ches'ham Place, Belgravia, S.W. Reports from the art expert of the gang had given very favourable opinions regarding it. The words "Adam," "Georgian," "masterpiece" had been reverently passed to and fro. News had been received that the "builders were in," and that it was "a soft job." Elaborate plans were laid, and one night the gang broke in. They set to work with a giant auger borrowed from the tool kit of the carpenters working in the house. With a "one, two, three," they prised the mantelpiece from the wall. Then, it appears, they "borrowed" two workmen's overalls, and, putting them on, carried the heavy mantelpiece out of the front door, laying it gently in a waiting barrow or cart. At last the mantelpiece was carefully set down in its appointed hiding place. Again it was admired. And then a burglar bought an evening paper and read the horrible news that the mantelpiece was worth only twenty pounds.

The story about the bridge hand which is to be a feature of a divorce suit in Los Angeles brings to mind many stories touching cards.

One of the best told is EIGHT OF that of the man who was DIAMONDS, particularly lucky at

cards, but could never back a winner at horse racing. He explained that the reason was he did not shuffle the horses. Another good one concerns the Hebrew who visited a certain club and for several nights on end lost heavily at poker. Finally, he decided that poker was too expensive, and threw a challenge to play anybody in the club euchre, Jive up, for one pound a game. That night he found no opponent, but the following evening there strolled casually into the club a man who wasn't particularly anxious to play at all. However, just to oblige, he accepted the Hebrew's invitation, and the pair sat down to play three games. But the Hebrew, although playing euchre, was still thinking of poker, and when he began picking up "threes," "full hands" and "flushes" as the result of playing with thirty-two cards instead of the full pack, lie was continually remarking that he could not get such hands when playing poker. He stood it for a time, and then suggested that he and his opponent should have a side wager, in addition to the one pound they were playing euchre for, and that they should poker each hand for a little. This was agreed to, and after each hand had been played the cards would be shown and the one who had the best poker hand would collect. Then came "the" hand. The Hebrew's partner dealt, turning up as trumps the eight of Diamonds. Picking up his cards one at a time, the Hebrew found the first two were a pair of tens. The third was also a ten, and, to cap the hand, the fourth ten of the family was next. With four tens the Hebrew felt that it was only wasting time playing euchre, and suggested to his opponent that they should make that hand poker with live-bob rises. His opponent pointing to the eight of Diamonds turned up on top of the pack, said he would have a bet if the Hebrew would permit him to make use of the eight of Diamonds. The Hebrew had no objection, and the first bet of five "bob" the Hebrew immediately raised to ten. Then to fifteen, twenty and so on until it reached three pounds, when the Hebrew, suddenly remembering his opponent had picked up the eight of Diamonds, cried, "No routine, routines barred." "Oh, no," replied his opponent. "Oh, yes," said the Hebrew, beginning to feel that his four tens were about as much use to him as a sweater in the tropics. "Well, all right," remarked his opponent; "go on, it's your bet." And then went at it again. The Hebrew couldn't understand it. He knew his opponent had picked up the eight of Diamonds and that routine flushes were barred, therefore it was money for nothing betting on four tens. But still his opponent kept on raising, until at last the Hebrew called, and, throwing his hand down, said, "Vour tens." "No good," replied his opponent. "Four Queens." "Vhat!" cried the Hebrew, as lie collapsed in his seat. "Vhat the you vant the eighd of Diamonds for?"

THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. Physic, for the most part, is nothing else but the substitute for exercise or temperance. —Addison. If thou hast been the- loser in every conflict thou hast essayed, be yet assured that not even the most hapless man has lost the fight that has not yet been fought.—Sigrid Undset. Every man feels instinctively that all the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less tlian a single lovely action.—James Russell LowelL