THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIV, Issue 73, 28 March 1933, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWfflf.) THEATRE QUERIES. Do we park our chewing gum Beneath the theatre seat? Do we sprinkle chocolate crumb About our neighbour's feet.' Do we chatter, laugh and nag Until we're out of breath .' And do we take a paper, bag And worry it to" death? Do we masticate our sweet For all the world to hear, . Ana tell our friend the while we eat "All about it, dear"? Do we wipe a sticky palm Where others have to sit ? And do we greet with frigid calm ' The talkie's boisterous wit? Do we say, "Excuse me, please, So sorry," and all that, Then seat ourselves with graceful ease On someone else's hat? Do we do the things, in fact, That others say we do? * Well, I know that I'm not guilty, And I'm sure it, can't jbe you.

Competitions to decide the " ten most beautiful words in the English language caught on with the public in England, and the competition has spread to WINNING WORDS. America, where the competition has been taken up very seriously. Authors and publicitymongers are among the most enthusiastic. The "fact that ten words must be used is th<> difficulty, but one of the prize-winning efforts that appeared, to be rather good was "Business is improving steadily, so we are raising your salary." Now had the competition been restricted to two words M.A.T. would have been in at the early doors with "What's yours?" Following the recording of the dog- "fisherman" and the dog who cleans out his kennel every morning, shaking his bedding and doing a bit of general-tidying TWO DELIVERIES, up, comes another from Mount Eden. There are perhaps hundreds of dogs in Auckland who have been trained to bring in the daily paper after it has been thrown over the fence, but this particular dog is carrying his cleverness a little too far, much to the annoyance of neighbours and owner. Not only does he wait for the paper to be delivered at his own home, but the dog visits other houses in the street, picks up the papers, and brings them all to his master. Now the owner has to take the papers from the dog and return them. It happened in one of those little hotels which are to be found in quiet places away from the busy thoroughfares. The proprietor had engaged a painter to THE GRAND give the bar room a MASTER, brush over, and about 11 o'clock the weatherboard artist was perched on a ladder painting the ceiling. It was at this moment a customer entered the bar and ordered a pint of the best, at the same time tossing the necessary coin on the counter. Then he happened to glance up, and, seeing the painter, turned and walked out of the bar. The painter descended the ladder, picked up the drink which the barman had now placed on the counter, and was about to polish it off when the barman said, "Here, hold on, that's not yours. The" customer will be back in a second." "Oh, no, he won't," said the painter. "He's the grand master of our temperance lodge." Everybody must be feeling the pinch, even in London, tlie only place where people, or a few of them, liave ready money to lend to other countries at. a SLUMP IK moment's notice. Eecent- " SPARKLERS." ly a magnificent ruby, for

which, it is stated fifteen thousand pounds -was refused, went into the hands of a Hatton Garden dealer. This ruby originally came from Burma, where it was found by two natives, but one of the things never mentioned is how much the natives got for it. And with the report of the pawning, or selling, of this wonderful ruby we hear that there is a slump in diamonds and that Paris has been hit hard by the fall in "sparklers." PariSj by the way, conducts the Credit Municipal, which is the municipal pawnshop, popularly known to Parisians as the Mont de Piete, but even more popularly called "Auntie," just as we call our pawnbrokers "Uncle." "Auntie's" establishment in Paris is a building in the Rue des FrancsBourgeois, as spacious as any Government office, and the value of the jewels lodged with "Auntie" would run into a fabulous sum. I wonder if anything ever invented has caused more rows than a pack of cards? A man or woman can almost commit a murder and be forgiven, but to BRIDGEITIS. fail to return the part-

ner'e lead in a game of bridge is a sin which some players -would make punishable only by death. Just now American bridge fiends are eagerly discussing a Contract hand which looks like leading to a wife going back to her mamma and the hueband in future keeping all his earnings. The wife, a Mrs. Allen, is seeking divorce on the grounds of "dementia bridgeitis" from C. Nelson Allen, of Los Angeles, where the hand was played, or rather where it was dealt. M.A.T. knows there are thousands of bridge players in Auckland, and as the case will probably rest upon whether the play was right, he gives the hands and the bidding: South (dealer), Spades, 3 2; Hearts, A Q 3; Diamonds, A K Q J 5 4 2; Clubs, A. West (Mrs. Allen), Spades, 10 G 5 4; Hearts, 2; Diamonds. 8; Clubs, K, J 9 6 5 4 3. North, Spades, 9 8; Hearts, K J 10 6 5 4; Diamonds, 9; Clubs, Q 8 7 2. East (Mr. Allen), Spades, A K Q J 7; Hearts, 9 8 7; Diamonds, 10 7 0 3; Clubs, 10. South opened with a bid of "Two Diamonds"; North, "Two no trumps"; Mr. Allen, "Three Spades"; his wife no bid. Finally, after his partner had bid "Four Hearts," South bid a email slam in Diamonds, which Mr. Allen promptly doubled, and South redoubled. Mrs. Allen 'led her only Heart, and there the game ended. She asserts in 'her divorce suit that her husband threw his cards in her face and overturned the table because she had not responded to his call with a Spade lead. Bridge enthusiasts, who are disposed to blame the wife, assert that a Spade lead would have enabled the- husband to win two Spade tricks, thus beating his opponents on the redoubled score. Others think that by leading her singleton Heart Mrs. Allen hoped to make good her singleton Diamond by trumping the second round of Hearts. What do you think?

THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. Love not too much. But how, When thou hast made me such, . And dost my gifts bestow, How can I love too much? Though I must fear to lose, And drown my joy in care, -With all its thorns I choose The path of love and prayer. —Robert Bridges. I have always felt true enjoyment cannot be-expressed in words.—Rousseau. T-liose who know the value of human life know the importance of a year, a day, and even an hour; and these, when spent amid the full enjoyment of the vital functions, of how much importance to our whole existence! It is therefore an eternal and irreparable loss when time is not enjoyed as it 'ought. —Struve. When we give what we have, the Lord makes it enough.—Lady Frances Balfour. Like pilgrims to th' appointed place we tend; The world's an inn, and death the journey's €nd ! . —Dryden. ,