IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LXIII, Issue 209, 3 September 1932, Page 2 (Supplement)

IN MERRIER MOOD

£ " NOT IN STOCK." e The' lady walked into the canine t fancier's shop. "I'm looking for my v ideal dog," she said. "I'd like, one with t a head rather like a collie and a body . after the style of an Irish terrier, only [ with longer hair and nice distinct mark- ;' ings. Do you keep dogs like that?" j The dog fancier shook hie head eadly. "No, ma'am," he said, "I drowns 'em." 1 """~—~ WOMAN'S WAY. - Olga (meeting at 8.45): Oh, Oliver, - I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting. 1 How long have you been here? 1 Oliver: That'e all right, dear; 1 ' arrived just a few minutes ago. 5 Olga: You brute, you promised to T meet me at eight. ) ENCOURAGING. .. ' Election Agent: I think you're get- ! ting at them now. They seemed «iore inclined to listen to you than last night. You are becoming more popular* ! Candidate: PopulajrJ Why, they . pelted me with rotten eggs! Agent: Yes, I know, but they used to throw bricks. THE ONLY WAY. i The slow train halted at a station. A > passenger put his head out of the win , dow and addressed the guard on the I platform. ; "Have I time for a drink before the ■ train moves on?" he asked. , "Oh, ay," replied the guard. "1 think, i maybe, there's time." i "But how am I to be enreT" "Well, sir, there's only one way of > making real sure. I'd better come with ' ye." HER TRUMP CARD. The applicant for the post as daily help faced her prospective employer nervously, and tried hard to look as if this was not her first attempt to find a job. "And have you a character?" asked ' the lady. "Aye, I have that," replied the girl, fumbling in her .bag and producing a small printed card, "and it's a roight good 'un, too. I got it from a penny-in-the-slot machine at Bridlington last summer." "THE SNAKE DANCE." Pat and Mick were holding a dance one night. Fat being the M.C., called Mick to his side, saying that he thought there were a lot of people in the hall considering the small sum of money they had taken. At the interval they talked things over, and decided to have a snake dance. Pat then stood on the platform and addressed the people, saying: "Ladies and gentlemen, the next dance will be a 'snake dance.' Those who snaked in can snake out again." THE WILY SCOT. Sandy was afraid he could not wake early enough to catch a train to London, being a heavy sleeper. He thought of various ways to overcome the difficulty, but each seemed to indicate the necessity for a tip. In the end he posted a letter to himself without a stamp. Early next morning there came a thunderous rattle on the door. Sandy opened the window, and the postman shouted, "Here's a letter for youl There's threepence to pay." "Take it back," commanded the wily one. "Carelessness like that doesn't deserve encouragement, mon." DAWNING INTELLIGENCE. Smoking his pipe in the afternoon sunehine, the master of the house watched Angus, the old Scots gardener, as he methodically swept up the fallen leaves and deposited them in a basket. Suddenly Angus straightened up, stood as if in deep thought fbr a moment, then taking a running kick at the basket, scattered its contents over the path. "Why, Angus, whatever's the matter?" asked his employer in amazement. "Dae ye mind Annie that was a parlour maid here about 25 years ago, sir-" asked Angus excitedly. "I believe I do." "Weel, I was etandin' at the back door wi' her ae nicht an', she eaid it wie cauld, bo I gi'ed her ma' muffler. A wee while after she said it was still cauld, so I gi'ed her ma' coat. Noo it'e jist struck me that the lassie wantit me tae cuddle her. I'm that mad I didna think of it sooner."

I Prize for Best Story I For the beet anecdote sent in each week § a prize of Five Shillings is awarded. | 1 I^C *\\ Jr The P rize th i s week goes to D. R. 1 I ' Sheath, Orakei Road, Remuera, for: I i " NOT IN STOCK." | iiniiiltiiuii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiimmwtniiiiiiniiiimuiiiinii i iiiiiiiiniiiinniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuniiininiimiwmiinmiinnnmii

The long-suffering tradesman called on j a debtor: "When might I call for payT ment of this account?" he asked, i Debtor: Would Friday 6uit you? r "Yes!" j "Then call every Friday." Visitor: How do, doctor? I've jurt . dropped in to tell you how greatly I've benefited by your treatment. Doctor: I don't remember you as a patient of mine. Visitor: I'm not, but my uncle was— , and I'm his heir. A vicar was preaching one Sunday £ morning when he was horrified to eee a boy in the gallery of the church pelting i the hearere in the pews below with pea* As the vicar looked up the boy cried out: "You 'tend to your preaching mister; 111 keep 'em awake!" "Madam," said the ticket examine^ ■ "you can't travel first-class with a ■ third-class ticket!" "But I am one of the director! , wives," she protested. "You couldn't do it, madam," he ra- . joined, "if you were the director , * only wife!" ' John: Yes, I had a little balance in the bank, but I got engaged two months ago • and now— Joan: Ah, love makes the world go '■ round. John: Yes, but I didn't think it would 1 go round so' fast as to make me lose my balance.

Serving. Customer (tired of waiting): TVnere'a the -waiter? • Manager: Oh, he's serving. Customer: Serving what--tiinet Consolation, Biddy: Sure, Mike, our names aren't in the prize-list at aIL Mike: Well, it's a good thing -we didn't buy a ticket. Quite Correct. "Good heavens, lookl I'm eure that's a ehark I can see out there," cried the girl excitedly. "You're quite right, darling," replied her boy friend. "That's my landlady bathing." Which Foot? Suitor: May I marry your daughter? Stern Father: What is your vocation! Suitor: I'm an actor. Stern Father: Then get out before the foot lights. His Tablet. A' best-seller author was walking with a friend when they passed a house which, bore a tablet to commemorate the fact that a poet once lived there. "I wonder what they'll put over my door when I die?" said the author musingly. "House to let," replied his friend.