THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIII, Issue 178, 29 July 1932, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) "B.": At a fruit sale this week a Hindu, ■having 'bid for a line, was asked "What name?" as his features were not familiar to the salesman. "P.K." was the reNO TAKERS. ply. "Oh," said the auctioneer, "Pretty Kid." "Yee," replied the guileless Hindu, with a sweet smile; "you like to kiss me?" East scored over West in that interchange or courtesies. The pleasant and picturesque little town of Feilding, which nestles alongside the Main Trunk railway line in the Manawatu district, has again come into promRUSTY BELL, inence. The town's firebell has not been rung for twelve months, and is going rusty. Lucky Feilding! Mention of the delectable little place recalls memories of the long ago when news of the relief of Mafeking arrived. From all parts of New Zealand came telegrams of excitement. In several cities the Mayors made impromptu speeches, prominent M.P.'s .pointed with fitting pride to the great achievement, chairmen of road board* tele-graphed abroad patriotic resolutions of inordinate length, bands and fireworks were in evidence everywhere. It was left to Feilding to provide the anti-climax. From there came a historic message of three words: "Feilding is calm."— M.A.C. So the "Sea Devil," von Luokner, wasn't drowned after all, and very likely he'll, live to write more bit*; about his career. He has already set down the hisSWORD JUGGLER, tory of the "Sword Juggle" at Motuihi. Paulsen, one of von Luckner's men, who was often in the orderly room, noted the Commandant's sword in a waterproof cover, and planned to steal it. Pauls«n got into the habit of strolling into the orderly room in an old macintosh so" that all hands might get used to his appearance. On one occasion he took in under hie macintosh a piece of one-inch waterpipe three feet long and an empty meat tin. He took the sword, put the piece of pipe in the case with the meat tin for the handle, and got away, his mates planting the sword. Says von Lmekner: "A few days later we saw the Commandant come out of the orderly room, his macintosh over his arm and the sword (?) case in hie hand on his way to the launch bound for the city. We often wondered what he said when he opened that sword case and found three feet of lead pipe and an empty meat tin." Dear M.A.T., —Your remarks about the advisability of having foundation stones laid ■by unknown statesmen and other eminent s reminds me of the tovvnTHE ship post office. There was FIRST BRICK, a man ill the township

who loved to be in everything. He wasn't really eminent, you know — just" interfering in a* mild way. We were having a new post office built, ami the plans were "all ready. This leading citizen .was greatly exhilarated about it and jtave tun impression to all hands that he had invented post offices and that the town would owe ite particular post, office to him. He approached the bricklayers who were to bejrin the building and cheered them up with medical comforts. Then he. begged them to permit him to lay the first brick, so that in after years he would be able to point to the pile and tell -the story. On the day the building was to be started he went round to the site, and, being carefully led to a spot "by the chief bricklayer, he laid that brick, retiring overjoyed. Later when ■the building was finished he went round and asked the builder to show him that brick. The builder took him to the waehhouse and pointed to a bottom brick. "There you are!" he said. Bricklayers have a sense of humour. —E. Lord Lonsdale, the best-known British' peer (because he has 'been addicted to sport throughout a long but young life) recently turned up mounted in TWIN SMOKES. „ Rotten Row after many years of absence from that fashionable horse parade, probably to give the historic ride a new fillip. A photograph shows the Earl holding a cigar in his hand. If you magnify the cigar you will find that it has no band, or "lifebelt," on it, and one fears that the sporting peer is no longer as democratic as he was. It lias been deemed a mark of ignoble bringing up to smoke a cigar with the paper band on it, but Lord Lonedale has often astounded the nobility by this dereliction of aristocratic custom. Still, in quite the best circles there have been noble copyists. Now, at the age of seventy-five, the old sportsman has taken to riding in the Row again and to a plain, unbended cigar. Among his earlier acquaintances there was a nobleman known both to people iii "Debrett" and to the less exhalted as "Harry." Harry was of large size and hie chief delight vva3 to drive a four-in-hand. It is recalled that this sporting personage when seated on the box of his coach with the ribbons in his massive hand always had in his mouth two cigars simultaneously—an exhibition of Asinokership which delighted the hoi polloi. Thie noble smoker always left the band on. When he had smoked the twin weeds down to their lifebelts he would throw them to the ground, and, . without relinquishing the reins, produce and light a fresh pair—a thrilling performance, dear to admirers of blue-blooded intellect.

A sad-fnccd man sat in a crowded bus and sniffed gently. Turning to liis ol'bow mate, lie said, "Smells!" "I beg your pardon?" "-Smclle

—aroma, scents; deliMORN SCENTS, eious; I often sit and •try to identify them. All clean people. Everyone lias had a. bath, different eoaps, you know. I can detect many of the synthetic aromas gleaned by German chemists from the Ruhr coal mince. Very few English smells, you know. Not many French ones, either. Too expensive, these vegetable i fragrances. Everybody has brushed his or her teeth. All different 'brands, and every one with a fragrance of its own. That penetrating odour on the right is vanilla —gleaned from the gigantic bean of that name. They oven mako synthetic vanilla—why, heaven alone knows! Then face powder and lipstick, and so forth. All perfumed delightfully and differently, rendering a morning bus like an Hlysian field. You observe, dear sir, that there is no musk scent in the bus. Ah! there is a story. The musk plant no longer grows. Botanists and others have been trying for years and years to discover the native habitat of the plant —no chance. .Still, the musk odour so prized by the Maoris, who formerly were so sweetly aromatic, is not vegetable musk, but animal, gleaned, one notes, from various kinds of fauna who in business life use it to disclose their whereabouts to inquiring relatives. Ah, you note an all-pervading smell? That, my dear sir, is tobacco, a weed which when ignited sends forth an acrid o<l our frequent in buses. No, I cannot designate the brand of cigarette, but niaHbe the manufacturers used to issue prize coupons. Ah! here we are, good morning."

THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. There' 6 music in the singing of a reed; There's music in the gushing of a rill; There's music in all things if men had ears; Their earth is but an echo of the spheres.

—By roil. When mankind are prevented from daily quarrelling and fighting, they first begin to improve; and all this, we are afraid, is only to be accomplished, in the first instance, by some great conqueror.—Sydney Smith.