THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIII, Issue 140, 15 June 1932, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

Even though vou yourself have heard the =torv of the banker and the customer, thousands have not. The customer.desired accommodation, so, twirling nis THE OVERDRAFT, hat in his nervous hands, he entered the presence of the cn-cat man and stammered out his request far an overdraft. The banker carefully cro»sqnestioned the customer as to Ins seen,"ties, 2nd .coined to regard them as •Tm a. bit of a sport," he sard; 111 tell you what I will do. One of my eyes is a glass one If you can tell me which it is I'll arrange the overdraft." The customer mstantly **>*> ••It is your right eye." "By Jove, you re right!" exclaimed the man of money. M.ow on earth did you know?" "Well," said the customer, "it looks kinder than the other.

Wireless communication is undoubtedly one of the modern blessings, and it is nice to be able to communicate with one's friend at sea to let him know THE RADIOGRAM, that you await his coming with interest. Some cheery souls recently sent a radio message to a gentleman who was to land in a day or so toIliM" him that ho would be entertained on arrival and would be expected to make a speech. They waited anxiously for the reply, which duly came: "Leslie appendicitis all arrangements made." The friends were, ot course, sorry and disappointed and met the boat expecting to meet an invalid who would have to be rushed to hospital as soon as he landed. Instead he appeared in the pink and thanked them verbally for their kindness. "But we thought you had appendicitis! exclaimed one. The visitor was astonished. "Whatever made you think that?" he asked. Then they produced the; radiogram. He laughed. '"What I wrote," said he, "was 'Leslie appreciates all arrangements made.'

The Beloved Veteran communicates the tragedy of the he-goat, the garden and the ebony walking stick. William the goat is as black as the stick. He is THE BLACK a hurdler of distinction VEGETARIAN, and has been able without assistance to surmount the fence leading from his own home paddock to the garden where the ebony stick used to dwell. An aroma in the cabbage patch induced the B.V. to investigate, and there wae Bill revelling in what the gardening experts so sweetly call "colworts." The B.V. rushed at William armed with the ebony stick that is not only a memory of the past, but which cost a mint of money in good Queen Victoria's reign. There was a blow, a flash of goat, a smell, and an ebony stick in two pieces. He believes he may have hit the goat, but he did not see it leap the fence, and has since pondered over the possibility that the smell was sulphurous, the horns not those of a quadruped, and the tail fanged at the point. In short, a devil of an apparition. Still, he lias the busted stick —and the memory.

Interesting to learn from an Australian authority that there are gentlemen in the great island continent with one hundred mothers -in - law. Th e MOTHER-IN-LAW. blackfellows have even

more protective marriage laws than ourselves, work to a system_ and rigidly adhere to the degrees of consanguinity laid down by the fathers of the race. Any lady who bears the same class name as Binjie's ma-in-law is considered to bo his mother-in-law, too. It is Binjie's bounden duty to dodge his mothers-in-law, and it is the duty of these ladies to vanish when Binjie shows -up. That is why the white man, walking in the bush, has sometimes seen a lubra dash off a track and hide in the grass to let her son-in-law pass by, otherwise there- would be the devil to pay, and somebody would get a death-bone pointed at him and would assuredly die of suggestion. The blackfellow is not alone in his endeavours to avoid his mother-in-law, and heaven knows what comic literature would do without her. With a hundred mothers-in-law per man the jokesmith would be on velvet all his life.

On suitable occasions our troops mature and juveniles supply awards of honour and so forth to eminent people. The eminent person invariably inspects the THE INSPECTION. guaTd, and in the case of a large body of troops the inspecting personage trudges round the front and rear of every line. You will observe in photographic records of these glad occasions that the King, the Prince of Wales, the Admiral, the l<"ield-Marshal, the General, the Lard Mayor (or any high authority) not only trudges round, but actually looks at the troops —in fact, he inspects them. There have been occasions when inspecting officers ot eminents have actually halted to converse with a mere soldier, to hang lovingly on to his belts, to ask him little taotful questions, and to do those things which he is expected to do and to leave a memory oi kindly interest in the untutored minds of the soldiery, professional or amateur. In our own little army we occasionally find guards of honour for political gentlemen, including Ministers of the Crown, who have been observed to walk thoughtfhilly past the smart outfit looking straight to their front and presumably unaware of anything on earth but the inevitable speech or the glistening belltopper. Will these gentlemen credit the apparently incredible fact that the Governor-General and all his predecessors have always looked at the troops they have inspected? ,

The last Grand National at 'Home was notable for the number of amateur riders who rode in it. Among them was Lord Haddington. There was another A POLO incident in the riding CHUKKER. career of this peer, when lie was Mr. Baillio Hamilton, and Sir Oswald Mosley, sixth baronet, was plain mister, too. Mr. Mosley, who, as you know, married a daughter of the great Lord Curzon, both of them becoming temporary Socialists in politics, was at Sandhurst previous to joining the Sixteenth Lancers. He was picked for the Sandhurst polo team. Tt was a case of a borrowed pony. When Oswald looked for his match pony he found that it had been sent to another ground and thero appropriated by Mr. Baillie Hamilton. Mosley played the final chukker on a played-out mount. Mosley was furious. -He sought out the player, protested violently and administered punishment. Thero was a general Donnybrook, but peace came temporarily. That evening the Hamilton faction invaded the stronghold of the Mosley ditto. The future Socialist and political voice mounted a chair and with a polo stick laid about him until the floor was strewn with the forms of the fallen. Reinforcements arrived, and Mr. Mosley had perforce to leave, which he did by opening a window and sliding down a drain pipe. The last twenty feet were the worst, for the future statesman fell and broke an ankle. Punishment of all hands was dished out, and the next few years these young officers had the classic quarrel on their hands. Lord Haddington was wounded while serving in the Scots Greys. Sir Oswald Mosley crashed in an aeroplane and smashed his leg once more. A. THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. Dear M.A.T., —Much has been heard of riots lately. They never have any in Aberdeen, where there is always industrial peace. If a crowd gathers the policemen take round the i hat.—Dinkum.