RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LXIII, Issue 137, 11 June 1932, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

SHOTS

Seven frosts in seven days at Waipukurau. Hard times! There i.s a distinct recurrence of the military spirit. Even the burglars are drilling every night. The railways are killing fewer passengers. And fewer passengers appear to bo killing the railways. * Twenty-seven sacks of books available for the relief camps! So that is where the borrowed volumes go. Headline "Tension in Germany." Ah well, that's ever eo much better than so much '"Tention!" Tcxaris have recently stolen one million gallons of petrol. All Texans smoke cigarettes, and evidently use lighters instead of matches.

A Wellington society leader has been sent to Coventry. On a recent occasion shu referred to a carillonist as a bellringer. An overflowing river lately flooded an Australian hotel. For the first time in its long career it was able to boast that there was running water in avcry room. In Australia ono'e next neighbour may bo as much as 40 or 50 miles away, ho that a fellow's lawn mower practically becomes his own. The chap who wiid that the fool and his money arc booh parted missed the bus, Tho fool and hi* money haven't been together for years and years. It is not only in Ireland that there has been a display of arms. ]n Gerinany the fear of smallpox has induced many municipalities to intsist on vaccination. T do hope when painters arc subsidised and one mny obtain their services for less money than usual, that they won't use Red lead. White lead is much preferable in these Bolshie days. People who affect to have caught polecats round about Raglan have been told that they are only large ferrets. It is curious how many otherwise normal citizens lack the olfactory sense. The. Agricultural Department recently broadcasted a useful talk on small holdings and their cultivation. Appropriatuly enough the lecturer was Mr. Smallfleld. It is now stated that there are 30 large toheroas to tho square foot on the Ninety-Mile Beach. The crafty young devils have heard that Wizard in coming back. A "knockout revolver" has been patented which, shooting a blast of compressed air, renders the victim insensible for several minutes, The Saxophonists' Union bae lodged a protest at this cruel rivalry. A South African big game hunter saye the lion'e are eo poor that he is winded after a half-hour run. On the other hand our lions contemplate a run of about 6255 miles to Vancouver and further, hoping their roars will be full throated when Ottawa is reached. A gentleman recently lost (and found) his wallet, which, had contained six hundred pounds. He recovered the wallet "with only twenty pounds missing." Even the Commissioner of Taxes could hardly have been more

generous. ''Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth," The salary of the new rector of St. Barnabas' Church, Chatswood, Sydney, has been fixed at X.o per annum. One would have ' been charmed to hear "the Canon's opening roar." Overheard in Queen Street. "Down on your luck, George?" "That's right!" "What's the matter?" "No job, no money. Things are crooker than I ever knew them—don't know where to look I'm- the next meal." "Wolf at the door?" "Not it! We ate the wolf long ago!"

Mr. C. E. Jones recently gave an address to Canterbury J.P.'s on the Kmpire. First, he said, came the King, then the Navy, then the Bible, then Shakespeare, and then Dickens. You'll note the relative precedence between the Bible and the Siuvy. Really they go together, with the Bayonet a possible third.