THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXII, Issue 118, 21 May 1931, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) Modesty deters notable detectives from boasting of their captures, although, as you may see by the enormous spate of detective literature the sleuths DETECTIVE must occasionally confide STORY, in the crime historian — otherwise how would Edgar Wallace get on for his £20,000 a year? Thus it has leaked out that Chief Detective Hammond (affectionately known as "Ruru") lias lately effected a capture of which he is very justly proud. Following a slight clue at Okataina he trolled assiduously and was successful in landing the record trout of the season. This captive scaled sixteen pounds. Unlike brother fishers, he neglected to have the trout stuffed, dispersing the fish in sections to his friends, who no doubt did the stuffing.

Dear M.A.T.,—I claim to have discovered what is wrong with the Empire, and I think I should let you know, as it is a matter of great importance. My MORE BACKBONE, husband, an old Imperial Army man, had a friend call upon him the other day. A discussion arose on the present depression, cause and effect. 1 aired my views and met with strong opposition. I turned to them and said: "The trouble with yon two is that you belong to the'oldfashioned type who won't change their views to meet modern conditions." My husband, with a nourish of the hand, said: "Well, my dear, we may be old-fashioned, but we are the backbone of the country —the real Empire builders." They have both been looking for a job for the last five years.—Nuff Said.

The news that Mr. Pomcroy, a New Zealander who received twenty-five thousand pounds for inventing an explosive bullet during the war and is now HOT DOGS. selling unexplosive "hot dogs" outside a cathedral in Melbourne, revives in a communicator's mind the story of two partners in London. Tilings had not gone well with them, and they decided to dissolve and divide their small capital. Each went his own road, but later they met in front of the Bank of England. "How have you been doing?" remarked Benj. to Zak. "C400d," replied Zak. "Ven you vent avay I bought an old oil drum for fourpence, made a brazier out of it, and with the balance bought hot dogs and commenced bishness. They vent off splendidly, and eoon I had a great trade. I've been coining money since. And how have you been getting on, Benj.?" "No good," replied Benj. "Never made a bean since I left you. Seeing you did so veil, Zak, . vot about the loan of a quid?" "You're unlucky, Benj.," returned Zak. "You see when I came here and set up biz outside the Bank of England I entered into an arrangement with them —that they vere to sell no hot dogs and I vos to lend no money."

The much-regretted death of Major H. J. Redmond, who was so highly popular, will recall to many who knew him as a soldier and as a gifted amateur A LUCKY BABY, actor, his gallant rescue of four people during a coach accident in the .Collins River. During the rescue, for which Major Redmond received the highest award given by the Royal Humane Society, a remarkable event occurred. Among those in the water was a small baby in long clothes.. It has been stated that this baby instinctively swam to the bank and was saved, thoee Avho said so arguing that swimming is natural, provable by the fact that many native races throw their babies into the water and that for them to at once swim is instinctive. Others who remember the circumstances of the accident have declared that the baby was thrown into the river by the accident and that its clothes supported it on the surface, the current taking it to the .bank.

There's a bit of stuff in the papers about the man who invented an explosive bullet and got twenty-five thousand pounds for it. The time is not yet ripe for A BULLET. gentlemen who invent explosive bullets to get twenty years hard. Has it ever occurred to you that the ardent suppression of the invention of lethal ironmongery by calm and studious men who shy at the eight of a cut finger would ihave left several millions more young men alive than we have at present? There was once a dear old German clergyman in the Middle Ages, who invented gunpowder. He has been acclaimed Avith loud huzzas ever isince. In effect, lie pointed people to the Better Land with the barrel of a gun. One understands, however, that there really are inventors, who, despite offers of uncountable dollars, do refrain from wiping out humanity. We Jieard a while ago of the inventore of death rays wiho could, so they averred, wipe a town ont- with rays which were far superior to earthquakes or tidal waves. You can't get half so much money for rescuing people from death as you can for filling stupendous graves by the use of lethal inventions. In the future perhaps inventors will be closely watched for evidence of destructive propensities—and suppressed. It is probable if the local magistrate had been able to suppress the man who made the first bow and arrow all humanity would have been forced to go on killing each other with mere rocks or clubs, a much slower process than aerial bombs, death raye and explosive bullets.

Talking about cricket, a3 everybody else is, the whole conversation is of men, and nobody has told the story of how women invaded the field of flanTHE DAUGHTERS nelled fools long before OF any of that corker New THE COLONEL. Zealand team of oure was Iborn. It was in "W.G.'s" own county, and at the moment cricket was solely in the hands of men. Everybody played. Colonel A., a notable cricketer himself, possessed much property, and amongst it eleven daughters. Society one day when the whole of the Misses A. were seen in exceedingly short skirts making towards the colonel's private cricket ground. There they played against selected men from the county club almost without an audience, for it is to be understood that cricket in those days was often played for the sake of the game itself and no thought of cash obtruded, at least in this particular match. It is fair to say that the ladies played with to at 3 and the men with stump and that the gallantry of the men permitted the ladies to win by an innings and three rune. When society ceased shuddering at the sight of ladies' legs and it was grudgingly admitted that there was nothing absolutely frightful in cricket for womeif, there sprang up in that aristocratic town numerous ladies' cricket clubs. In fact it went so far that ladies' clubs were formed in local drapery houses, which, of course, was the beginning of the end for the colonel's daughters' team. It was all very well for aristocratic cricketers, cither men or women, to patronise the village lade who had the cheek to play cricket, but when women who worked for their living imitated the colonel's daughters something had to be done in .protest. And so the team broke up, discarded its accumulated shorts, and returned to the drawing room. Almost any Gkrucestrian of ancient vintage will confirm the etory.