THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXII, Issue 103, 4 May 1931, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN,)

Dear M.A.T. ,—l've bin readin , yore colem ever since it started an , now I knows as I ought tcr 'ave bin a journalist. I've bin unlucky in life; me prinA SUFFERER, ciples ''as alwa's bin too "igh, an' I've bin on strike now ever since 1913. The missus is 'ardworkin', though, an' we manages to scrape along. It makes me boil ter eee some ov these blokes wot are Sivil servants breastin' into the private bars ov the manshuns of cheer —me knowin' all their missuses arc school teachers, an' me with 'ardly the price ov a 'arf-'andle ter me name. I've bin thinkin' ov this 'ere fer a long while, an' I've writ this 'ere pome as I sends ter you on appro., as the drapers cay:

Wot's this tork ov -winimen teachers 'Oo 'ave 'usban's 'oldin' jobs In the cushy Sivil Servis, 'Mpng the tin 'ats an" the nobs? Is it true their niakin' forchins At the workin' man's expense When they should be nursin' kiddies? Ain't the Gov'mint any sense? It's a pity that my missus Wasn't reared a bit more fine, If she'd 'ad an eddication, Blime! she'd 'ave toed the line. She'd 'ave bin in the perfeshun— Whackin' kids is 'er long soot, Ain't I seen 'er land our eldest, Knock 'im flat, then use 'er boot? Strike me! wot's the use ov wishin"? Dreams is useless, so they say. She'll jist 'ave ter stick ter washim Clo'es at seven bob a day. Still, if she 'ad bin a teacher — I sez if—aw! knock me flat, She'd 'ave 'ad no 'usban' workin' — Bet yer I'd 'ave seen ter that. Apart from the fact that a gentleman was seen banging an old circular saw with a epanner to warn the shipping thie morning, the first fog of the season was THE FOG. almost featureless. So, indeed, seemed a large number of the public. Still, a fog gives the general public a chance to say, "Foggy this morning, ten't it?" and to mention, incidentally, that an Auckland fog isn't as dense as a "London particular." As a matter of fact, relatives at Home have lately been writing to say that London isn't what it used to be and that interfering local bodies have so minimised the emoke nuisance that fewer black particles are held in suspense and the atmosphere is really only like diluted mud during a fog. Present writer, with earlier experiences of fog, mental and meteorological, ie of opinion that London has never 'been anything but a poor second to Taranaki. A Taranaki fog eimply blots all Nature out. It is so palpable that one may lean against it. Two citizens, staggering in the direction of Mount Egmont, have been known to strike matches to find out with whom they were arm in arm. London in its foggiest days used to be a city of the dead. With a Taranaki fog London would have been a ciry of the buried. A novelty to watch for in foggy weather in this city ie the wonderful wail of the Harbour Board's warning device. It is like the groan of a baneb.ee in torment. This morning the warnings were feeble. There has evidently been a ten per cent "cut."

One observes lots and lots of motor cars whizzing about with no one on board save the driver. Pedestrians frequently grizzle that the average lone motor - THE QUIET ist. might oftener offer a PASSENGER, seat to the wayfarer, especially on the country roads. The point, however, is that the- average motorist, feeling that he might meet trouble, docs not wish to complicate the casualties by taking a passenger. Discussing this matter with a gentleman from Home, he mentioned that free motor rides are commoner there than they are here. For instance, he was walking along the Tewkesbury Road one day when a very jolly man driving an excellent car overtook him. The very jolly man was a well-known undertaker of Gloucester, and he instantly stopped, offering to take the pedestrian up. They drove for several miles, and the passenger, glancing at the rear seat, noticed that there was another passenger. He mentioned to the jolly undertaker that the gentleman in the rear seat was very still and not at all conversational. The jolly "undertaker replied: "Yes, he certainly is very still, and he'll be just as still for a long, long time. I've just picked him up at the hospital, and, as a matter of fact, I'm taking him to the mortuary." The living passenger rather fussily requested to be put down, saying that he would walk the remainder of the journey.

Dear M.A.T., —How some teachers do love long words. Here is an extract from a speech by Mr. F. Milner, M.A., rector of Waitaki Boys' High School, at the QUITE SO ! recent Nelson College celebrations: "As an old boy of Nelson College he would regret any departure that meant a subordination of the cultural aims of its founders to the short-sighted insistence of modern utilitarians. His educational idef 1 was the happy compromise in an enlightened synthesis of the academic and the practical or technical. Humanism must 'be paramount, but there should be associated with it in organic union facilities for such vocational education as manual and agricultural sides. There was no real antagonism between the liberal and the vocational, if well-planned differentiated curricula were based on preliminary ■ liberal foundation." I have read this over several times until a sweet drowsiness begins to steal over me — the cadence of the words and the sentences has something of the effect of a narcotic. Do you remember Mark Twain's soporific—"a blue trip for a three-cent fare, a pink trip for a live-cent fare —Punch, 'brother, punch," etc.? It is also like the very long question that the brow-beating barrister put to the flurried witness: "Now, sir, answer me 'Yes' or 'No'!" "Yes or no what 1" replied the witness.—Grammarian.

Here ia a facsimile copy of the "Sydney News" of one hundred years ago. Lots of Government news. Much notice of the liners of the day, many of which HIS LAST BEAT, were as much as two hundred tons burthen and yet seemed to carry plenty pf axes, gunpowder and rum. One curiosity is a list of appointments of constables. In several instances the name of the recruit is given with "came free" in italics, intimating that the rest of the constabulary thereafter tabulated did not come free. Indeed, in another part of the paper gentlemen appointed to the constabulary were shown to have applied, and to have received, tickets of leave in order to join the constabulary, an excellent introduction to a new country. Gentlemen whose names are mentioned as recently-joined constables in one part of the paper are dismissed in another part of the paper for conduct unbecoming the police; all very interesting and instructive in view of the invariable high standard demanded in all colonial forces nowadays. Still, there is a memory of less than a hundred years ago. The news-getter and the detectives were conning the latest "Gazette" from N.S.W. in a New Zealand police office. A detective turned the pagee of photographs and became interested in the picture of a very personable-looking younofellow "wanted" for a series of offences' in his own his native State. The detective put his finger on the photograph and said to the newspaper person: "Hang on! I'll go out and get that fellow!" He left at once and ten minutee later brought a policeman off the beat. Needless to saw it was the constable's last beat in this stainless country.