MOTHERHOOD.

Auckland Star, Volume LXII, Issue 96, 24 April 1931, Page 4 (Supplement)

MOTHERHOOD.

HOW IT SINS. NOT A SYMBOL OF VIRTUES. (By MRS. CECIL CHESTERTON.) For centuries motherhood has been accepted as a symbol of all the ultimate virtues. It is regarded as synonymous with sacrifice, suffering, martyrdom, a glowing and beneficent gentleness and understanding. There are women who may be said to achieve something like this standard, but the majority are too inclined to accept the description history has accorded them without too close au examination as to their deserts. A woman bears a child, generally speaking, as a fulfilment of her womanhood. The occasion is one of pride and joy. But it is rarely that this point of view is freely admitted. Over and over again you hear it said: "My dear child, mother knows best. Remember all I suffered to bring you into the world. I gave you life —you should bear in mind what you owe to me." A girl hears this from her earliest years. She would sometimes like to reply: "Well, I didn't ask to be born. You had me to please yourself and father." But even the modern girl refrains from stating facts which would merely cause her parent a shocked surprise. As a consequence the maternal demand increases. She tries to owh her daughter's liberty, to choose her friends, even regarding the disposal of her salary as an inalienable right. This sense of ownership, indeed, is a form of cannibalism. It is a'n attempt to eat her young, to prevent the development of individuality. Mother's Control. "I shouldn't read that book; I shouldn't know that girl; I wouldn't choose that dress if I were you," all without any reasonable grounds of prohibition, but simply as an expression of ownership. Over and over again natural desires, youthful aspirations are badly nipped. Mother's overpowering wisdom extends even to domestic details. A girl's room is to be redecorated —she may incline to bright colours or the reverse. Mother cannot understand why the shade that she has always liked should not satisfy her daughter. In some cases this continual supervision stultifies all personality. I know a case where a mother engineered her daughter's life in every detail until at last the girl lost all power of initiative. When the mother died, quite unexpectedly, she left behind a derelict existence utterly incapable of independent thought. Insteady of strengthening the girl for the time whe'n she might be alone she had literally devoured her personality. Sacrifice too often becomes a burden in the home. There are mothers who take a dreadful joy in martyrdom. This applies especially to the woman who has lost her husband and implicitly demands that her daughter as far as possible should take his place. If the girl is invited out by her young friends there is a'n atmosphere of reproach which effectively destroys all pleasure..- . "Don't mind me, darling. I only want you to enjoy yourself. After all, my life is over. I've nothing left. I can't expect you to give up your enjoyment." The words sound well, but the tone speaks volumes. If the girl goes she is accompanied by a sense of selfishness in leaving mother behind. When she returns it is usually to find a tearful figure patiently waiting up. Selfish Parents. "Yes, dear, I have been lonely. But it's only to be expected now. It doesn't matter so long as you have a good time." Martyrdom often expresses itself in a deliberate refusal to endorse youthful entertainment. It is an understandable point of view that a middle-aged woman should find small interest in the diversions of young people. But she will not admit that the relaxations of middle age may not satisfy a girl. Her daughter must express pleasure at the prospect of a quiet walk, but must not look for reciprocity in her enthusiasm for tennis or swimming. "My daughter and I are all'in all to each other. We're never happy apart." A dreadful sentiment, usually loudly applauded as a proof of intense affection. Analysed, it means a denial of the girl's right to a life of her own. The mother has had her opportunities. She has experienced marriage a'nd childbirth. Male support and admiration lost, she leans on the young life, sapping its vitality, debarring it from natural development. How often have mothers of this type stopped a girl's cha'nce of a happy marriage ? "I couldn't leave mother," a young girl once said to me. "And you see John and she don't get on very wejl, so we couldn't all live together. I'm dreadfully unhappy about it, but after all mother's been so good to me I couldn't leave her." The mother's attitude was quite complacent. "If my little girl prefers to stay with me, who am I to push away her" affection ?" The result was that the girl drifted jnto an embittered spinstcrhood, her life, instead of reaching out to young and growing things, centred in a woma'n whose selfishness of outlook gradually affected her own. Motherhood, in the real sense, means a capacity to give, to understand and to renounce. Guide, guard the young life, if you will, but leave it u'nehoked to find its own development.