RANDOM SHOT

Auckland Star, Volume LXII, Issue 96, 24 April 1931, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOT

Some write a neighbour's name to lash, Some write — vain thought — for needful cash, Some write to please the country clash And raise a din; For me, an aim I never fash, I write for fun. Prize headline of the week: "Sitting Mayor to Stand." The daughter of the British Prime Minister has learned to fly. The King of Spain has flown without learning at all. Paradoxical as it may seem, although totalisator investments tend to diminish, the general racing outlook is a little bettor. Jacob Epstein, the sculptor, has carved an incredible figure called "Genesis." One trusts the next chapter will be Exodus. Do you remember when the price of a 21b loaf was 3Jd and the seller had to brand every loaf with its weight? Savage old times! It is understood that under the Royal regime in Spain the chief executioner wore a silk hat, frock coat and spats at an execution. In fact, he was dressed to kill. Mr. Forbes agrees that New Zealand stock requires new blood and the embargo should be lifted. No! No! Not on people from Home, but on cattle, sheep and horses. Mr. Justice Frazer says that there is plenty of opportunity to say harsh things about roaring mobikes. One respectfully submits to his Honor that even the loudest anathema is unheard in the noise. Another atrocity in Chicago! In consonance with the general trend, house painters' wages declined. At once the whole body of painters abandoned the six-inch brush for the three-inch variety. Halves, pardner, halves! Mother took Willie to the zoo. They stopped to have a look at the stork. Willie said, "The stork brought me, didn't it, mummy?" "Yes," smiled mother. "Then why doesn't he recognise me?" asked Willie. Some local social organisations, holding fortnightly gatherings during the half-year, have hitherto posted notices prior to each meeting to all members. Li a praiseworthy effort to save the increased postage they now write to members once a year. Might I recommend this type of correspondence to my grocer ? There was a man who paid his unemployment levy when the ukase of the State was promulgated. The time camo for paying the second levy. He hadn't got the money. He saw an official about it. All right, if he couldn't pay he would be exempt. He applied for a relief job. Nothing doing. If he hadn't paid his levy he couldn't have a job. What he wants to know 'is how is he to get money to pay the levy if he can't get a job? If you put "Cheer Up" Week under a scientific scalpel, you will find that cheer is physiological. The average person might accuse you of battiness if went round yelling "Kia Ora," "Cheerio," "Hooray" and so forth, but the mere physical exertion of thinking these greetings would not only stimulate the mental faculty, but stir the red corpuscles to activity, thus producing joy. The known cheerfulness and humour of sailors and soldiers in dire peril is the same kind of reaction as in the case of the lad who whistled in the dark to keep his courage up. Footballers sing on the way back from the match, even though they've had a licking. yv,.tj on ed the other day that Auckland had held Supreme Court sittings since the 'sixties. Reminded one of, say, 35 years ago, when Judge Conolly frequently presided. In the reinemVyed case a :< man had been charged with violent assault, and it is recalled that the judge, the police officer and the prisoner were all Irish. The iudge was slightly deaf, the prisoner extremely so. The sergeant shouted questions' at the prisoner, who took no notice. He then made a cone of a large sheet of paper, put the sharp end in the prisoner's ear and shouted, "Phwat is your name?" The prisoner, turning angmly, shouted, "You're a liar!" Even the judge laughed. WHAT A WEEK! Oh, what a week of Cheer I've had! My landlord kindly wrote. Dear Lad. . For years and years, how much you ve speut In paving me the weekly rent. Accept, dear friend, as gift from me, Fee simple of the property; Enclosed the. transfer will be found, Also a chcque for fifty pound. Last week I was a counter-hand, Behind the socks and shirts I d stand, Dishing out ties and underwear, And now they've asked me to be Mayor! The firm has written, " Dearest Sir, We wish you to be manager. Accept from us, dear Mr. Our grateful, humble, heartfelt thanks. Then Mr. Gonce (solicitor) Writes, " Mr. Z. T. Shanks—Dear Sir, The late lamented Mr. Zounds, )( Deceased, leaves you a million pounds, And adds, " I beg herein to say. Ten thousand acres in Hawke's Bay. Awaiting your esteemed response, Yours most obediently, G. Gonce." I had the bit of luck to reap Seven thousand in the Irish Sweep; I clearly now the future see. I'm bound to be Z. Shanks, M.P. ; With decent luck I'm bound to be Exalted to the Ministry, And later 011. may I aver, I'm sure to be the Premier! My number corresponded to That on the richest prize in view, Supreme, superlative, the star, A thousand horse power Boles Boyce car. Mv Rose says "Yes." Ah, but she's fair! (The daughter of a millionaire.) Ah, I am rich beyond compare, My Rose has even golden hair! I've cards from several belted earls, And photos from most gorgeous girls; I rise to see before my orbs Appointments .signed by Mr. Forbes. Large depufations call on me, And councillors ask me to tea, And (dear kind Heaven !) at last I've scored A seat upon the Harbour Board! Vast riches, admiration, power, Shower- on me, Shanks, hour after hour; To me the proletariat bend. And even swells love me no end. The haughty banker bows the knee, When him 1 condescend to tea. And tradesmen, when their bills are due, Say, " Not at all! Next year will do ! " • » » • 1 often wish—and so do you— Thesti sparkling dreams were only true! —C.J.