THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXII, Issue 66, 19 March 1931, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN ) A LAST GOOD-3YE. That exuberant "Punch" humorist, A. P. Herbert, who will probably be yet regarded as a second Gilbert, may not have heard of om Mr. Forbes, and lie therefore did not refer to the Premier when lie wrote: Well, fancy giving money to the Government, Might as well have throw,ll it down a drain. Fancy giving money to the Government. Noboily will see the stuff again. The Auckland University College Students Association in "The Golden Goose" has appropriately applied to local and other celebrities snappy extracts from writers greater and lesser. The above Herbertism is applied, to the Prime Minister. There is in current literature a pitiful absence of taniwhas, gliumis, jabberwocks and allied carnivorae, and, as for moas, they seem scarcer than dodos. AproMOA SEEN. pos of moas, the only people in modern times who-have imagined these gigantic birds as still poking about New Zealand are Arthur Adams and Ivan Levy, who have both written stories relative to the presence of these ornithological ra'rities. Still, one never knows. A party recently combed Preservation Inlet for anything a dog would bite or a gun disable. The dogs of the party were of a ferocious breed; apparently afraid of nothing. They would phew the ear of the wildest Captain Cook or spring at the throat of the most antlered deer. One night the party heard awful sounds in the bush. Some huge animal was crashing through the underscrub, emitting noises that sounded like a clucking hen as big as a building which had laid a double-yolked egg. The men seized their guns, gii'ded 011 their cartridges, and called the dogs. The dogs looked out, whimpered, and curved their tails beneath their legs. They retreated behind trees in obvious terror. The hunter who tells the tale says that he tried every means to induce the dogs to face the unknown terror, without avail, so he seized his gun and a hunting knife and stepped out into the dusk. Limned against the background of hills there stalked a gigantic moa! "I raised my rifle," he says, "drew a bead on the bird's breast, and pulled the trigger. At the moment that I pulled the trigger a bottle of home brew in the corner of the hut exploded with a tremendous report, and I woke up in a cold perspiration."

There still survive otherwise excellent people who regard a dour demeanour as the only paseport to a bright hereafter. One thinks momentarily of a SH-H-H ! family whose head regards the expression of joy as Sin. The family is allowed the recreations consonant with constant attendance at church, but in that family "the pictures" are, in the estimation of its head, an abomination, while playing cards and dancing are the invention of Apollyon. A girl of the family lately, without consulting Pa, joined a tennis club, a relatively innocuous sin from the point of view of the average New Zealander; but joining necessitated buying a racquet and bringing the same home. The excellent parent descried this awful indication of worldliness, tore it to pieces and incinerated the fragments, declaring that tennis was the device of the Devil, intended to lead the young astray. It may seem incredible to the average person, but there still persist persons who regard the use of instrumental music in places of worship as wickedness, refraining apparently from reading that portion of a very excellent a,nd democratic Book, which exhorts the reader "with trumpets also and shawms oh show yourselves joyful. . . . Let the sea make a loud noise and all that therein is." In whirling a blade for joyousness, might one mention that the same literature even regards inanimate Nature as joining in the fun? "The mountains skipped like lambs and the little hills like young sheep."

To be bizarre is to assure popularity. The man who can without strain wriggle the top of his scalp or wag each of his ears independently is bound not only THE OTHER EYE. to have admirers but imitators. One remembers with gratitude the Dickens gentleman who "could come six cats in a wheelbarrow" to perfection, while geniuses who can bark like a dog or give imitations of the animals in a farmyard are esteemed highly. An American picture genius in a fascinating brochure commends winking for college girls as a competition likely to spur emulation and induce popularity. He wishes the headmistresses of ladies' high schoc's and colleges to introduce winking competitions by offering prizes for the most fascinating oscillation of'a single feminine eye. It would, he says, give a school a chance to appraise the value of various winks. The schools, having practised assiduously, would name a day for a public exhibition in the presence of the local headmistresses, the professorial boards and other eminents, including, of course, the picture show magnate with his camera men. . The audiences, including the mistresses and professors, would vote for their favourite winkers, the prize winks would be transferred to the silver screen, and good biz would be done. One can imagine nothing more gratifying to a mature matron boasting to her fellow matrons of 1955 that she won the wink handicap of the Auckland Girls' Grammar School in 1931 before an audience of five thousand. Dear M.A.T., —It happened on the tram coming to the city yesterday. A little girl boarded the car and sat next to me. The conductor duly arrived at DESTINATION, her side for the fare. She I

tendered a shilling without a word. The conductor evidently had had a similar experience with the same child, for he said: "Where to? You never say where to." The child answered meekly: "The dentist's." The conductor walked away to hide his sorrow, returning with, "And how many sections might that be, my dear?" —P.E. Dear M.A.T., —Why all this worry and trouble about depression and unemployment? Has not Albert Einstein, the propounder of the theory of relativity, WORK FOR ALL. said it should be possible to produce enough of the necessaries of life to. satisfy everybody, and, at the same time, give work to everybody? There now! And has not Benito Mussolini observed that the return to normality now is only a question of patience, time and a little optimism—or a little less pessimism. So, ladies and gentlemen, what seemed a prodigious problem, even to New Zealand, in reality is just mere fuss or bubble, like the bead that denotes good wine.—Optimist. POINT OF VIEW. Dear M.A.T., —I notice that the Bishop of Batlnirst (N.'S.W.) declares Democracy to be a failure. I expect that if wool goes up sixpence a pound next year the Bishop may agree with me that Democracy is a success. —Jumbuek. How easy it is to make a small mistake. A correspondent writes to correct one by M.A.T. He states: "Maiden Erleigh is not in Cambridgeshire; I am MAIDEN ERLEGH. nearly certain that it is in Berkshire, where one of the Joels lives." M.A.T. admits the correction. Also he indicates the correct spelling of the name.