THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXII, Issue 40, 17 February 1931, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.J

Noted that many good souls bear other people's troubles with equanimity". A veiy nasty fire has squandered a large amount of money that cannot be reFIRE ! placed. To a large num'ber of otherwise quite kind people a great fire is merely a spectacle. It is so much a spectacle that they complicate the difficulties by crowding to some place where tliey may get themselves killed. In after life they do not remember the damage and the suffering, but what a sight it was. And the morning after the folk have something new to talk about in a community that has had much to talk about for some time. The business man possibly sees in a great fire one more sinister kick of Fortune added to a whole series of devilish kicks. But, curiously, the day-come-day-go-God-send-Friday man recards It as an interposition of Providence on his behalf. Listening casually to the comments of Bill and Co. on Tuesday morning, that company almost invariably said, "Oh, well, it'll make more work!" The fact that several million good hearty meals went up in smoke doesn't seem to occur to Bill.

Citizens in the wrecked areas have already become accustomed to the army way of dishing out rations and many old soldiers reconstruct the dear, dead days THE HAND OUT. beyond recall when ration time was the great event of the moment. One unregenerate old-timer recalls the occasions on service when the cry of "Rum!" drowned all other cries and men invented methods for obtaining extra supplies. The quartermaster might be found sitting under the tail of a wagon with the rum keg between his knees and the measure in his hand. His usual method was to hold his thumb inside the measure. When the rum wetted his thumb that was a ration, and that, particular thumb, at least, was always clean. An ingenious soldier invented means for obtaining a larger share, and this Avas much followed. He would stroll round the first time attired in a felt hat, receive his tot in a canteen, retire to the rear of the wagon, empty it into his mate's canteen, change his headgear to a cap, stroll round again and receive another tot. By the time he had worn a war hat, a field service cap, a glengarry and a helmet he considered he had had his share. These wicked thieves considered they were justified in beating .'the Army Service Corps on the excellent ground that the quarter-staff notoriously robbed the troops. There are no predatory quartermasters in any army nowadays !

There are remarkably few Roman engineers, architects and builders about. It has been related by various people that much , mortar that has 'been HOUSE OF CARDS, used in buildings that are no more had no more adhesive property than plain sand. There are bits of'mortar in many old countries that have stuck for a thousand years or more and which a j still just as sound as the -stones they joined. Running up and down many hills in Great Britain are the fighting Avails of the ancient Romans. They have been much battered in the centuries, but if you care to attack sections of these walls with a sledge hammer you will find it most difficult to separate the stones from the cement. Perhaps building inspectors were hard-hearted people in those days. The same extraordinary permanence seems to have been attained in Egypt, where stone-joining was an old art when our own forefathers lived in rush huts. It is a common practice for New Zealand experts to go abroad to find out how the lesser people do common things. One can imagine a person-ally-conducted tour of New Zealand bricklayers and other experts to China, where there is a Great Wall built for defensive purposes and held together by cement. This bit of bricklaying was done 300 8.C., and it is understood no New Zealand experts were employed. Barring gaps here and there, the standing portions of this interminable wall are as sound as ever.

Printed herein for the mental consumption of the populace was an old-time menu from an ancient P. and O. dining saloon detailing the gigantic mounds of proHASH. vender our immediate forefathers consumed at sea.. Commenting on this holocaust of tucker, an Aucklander mentioned his first trip to the Old World, and especially his voyage through the tropics. He admits to feeling limp as a dishcloth, food being abhorrent to him. All he wanted was to sit in a draught and drink draughts. But accomplished travellers, accustomed to the roast beef of Old England, rushed in their perspiration-soaked white suits to the saloon at the first bang of the gong, gorged themselves into a coma, and sat supine in deck chairs until the gong went again, returning to the saloon to imitate boa constrictors. He retold, too, the story of the Western American eating-house. The traveller read the bill of fare. "I'll have roast turkey," he said as the waiter came round. "Roast turkey's off!" said the waiter.' "Give me fried chicken, then." "There ain't no fried chicken." "All right, send me roast beef." "You sure kain't get roast beef." The waiter crooked a finger for the proprietor, who was lurking behind the service lift door swatting flies with a table knife. The stranger mentioned his needs to the proprietor. The proprietor pulled a gun from his back pocket and waved it in ' the customer's face. "You're gwine to have hash!" he bellowed. "George, hand this guy his hash, and take his two dollars!"

Dear M.A.T., —Re mushrooms and their growth, I would like to give you the ordinary layman's view from experience from the county under review. I pride myMUSHROOMS. self with being able to map out for anybody the most likely places to gather mushrooms from the Devil's Dyke to Steyning' and north to Pulborough. Contrary to the general belief, mushrooms may be gathered from a late Easter to a mild November. There is one place behind Portslade where I have gathered for the said period not only the native, which is the most common in this country, but the horse mushroom, which is the biggest variety, and which can 'be distinguished by marking the top when it is a "button." It gives off a yellow fluid, or smudge, which most people object to, but I can assure you they are quite edible and are the best for ketchup owing to their fleshy nature. The other variety, which most people are ignorant of, is what I named myself for my own benefit the "gorse mushroom." It is found in the autumn under the cover of gorse and may be found by scraping the needles away. This species when opened right out has a fleshy top and is identical with the colouring of a screech-thrush's breast. When a flake is lifted it will bleed like a human being, but please do not confuse this with the "Chinaman's hat" toadstool. Regarding the growth, on going to a "ring" you will find a series of minute fibres traversing the ground; that is the "spawn." When the mushroom starts growth (it takes three days to mature) the first night by dawn it has become a solid mass of flesh about the size of the little finger nail; it remains in that state through the day and starts again at nightfall with the dew. On the second day it becomes a mushroom in every sense of the word, but the flange has not opened to the vertical. During the third night the mushroom finishes its growth and at the same time the eggs of a fly which were laid on the second day take life and commence to devour the said mushroom unless you are there first. I have gathered most i mushrooms ■ by a waxing moon. —L.C.H.