THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXI, Issue 222, 19 September 1930, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

THE TEST. In a Police Court "case it was stated that two doctors had asked a man to say "Ipecacuanha wine" as a test for sobriety. A police sergeant thought it rather a hard test. jHav I protest tie stated test Is difficult? A process, . Much simplified, might be applied With -words like psitticosis, Cr sacrosanct, or plerygoid. But in tie word arcana One word is barred, it's very hard, It's ipecacuanha! Wheel np the drunk who's in a funk, Make him say psychostatics, Lympharoid, or else rhomboid, *Or simple hydrostatics, Gnomology, themnantidode, Increase defendant's mana, But please do not put on his pot With ipecacaanha. If you can't say yclept, Yvonne, Or even Thaba K'Chu. Implasticum, or Ghibeline, Or Yass or Wallaroo. If tou can't -walk the sergeant s line And dictionaries funk, The Beak will give you fourteen day?, You're drunk, my lad, you're drunk 2

There is ho doubt that the GovernorGeneral is a busy man, extraordinarily alert and most mobile. It is natural that when his Excellency consents to MULTUM visit a town organisations IN PARVO. should endeavour to persuade him to preside to open shows, bazaars, churches, arts and crafts societies, etc. Having been advised that the Governor-General had consented to open various social functions in a certain city, a local paper, apparently without knowing how very appro-' priate it was being, headed its paragraph ' The Governor Generalv." * "A small matter of business took me to a great and splendid emporium," said the man with a sort of sleeping twinkle in his eye. "I am always enthralled CHANGING GUARD, with these splendid places and, I suppose, being inquisitive by nature, I look round a lot. ° An immense gentleman immaculately attired came rapidly down the magnificent floor the moment I stopped. He was polite and helpful. I asked him would he please tell Sir. Xerxes I desired to see him. He instantly departed on his mission, but I noticed that be signalled almost imperceptibly to another large gentleman who busied himself in my vicinity while the courier found my man." Instantly the courier returned the second gentleman departed. There was no reason whv he should remain on guard any longer. For a moment I was nonplussed about this guardianship. Then I found I had been sitting for ten minutes alongside a counter on which there was a dazzling.display. There was nothing on. it priced at more than a shilling."

Although school holidays may refresh the intellect of scholars it is possible in some cases that they also interfere to some extent with memory of facts VITAL STATISTICS.that might' otherwise -be remembered. There is the case of the sixth standard lad who, during a classical lesson on the day of return to duty, was suddenly confronted with the question: "Wiiat do you know of the life and death of Julius Caesar?" The lad replied: "I didn't know he, was crook, sir. You see, sir, I've been spending my holidays in the country with me uncle and I haven't seen the newspapers for a fortnight."

It is good to hear that Lord Ble&isloe is patronising New Zealand art, for it is worth patronising. We shall yet understand that there are artists here SOME PICTURES, whose work is worth • money. He -bought Mrs. Whit em art's "Ploughing,*' 5 which shows horses at work. The artist has already some celebrity, hut the mention of a worthy picture has reminded a man who takes a great interest in art of an exhibition of some years ago. In a southern show there was a Tather charming little water colour of Mount Egmont reflected in a Stratford lake. It was excellently hung —that is to say, it was hung in an excellent place —and the patrons duly gathered round and praised it warmly. The art critics (that is to say., we of the pen who write dazzling reports on local drains or equally brilliant prose poems about paintings) praised that water colour extensively. It was only after the paeans of praise had died away that the hanging committee found that they had hung the picture upside down!

Lord Eiddell, the celebrated newspaper proprietor, who is also one of the most interesting writers of our day on vital subjects, recentlv wrote about THE PUNDITS. "Money" and "Still More Money." He has much of it. In fact,he gave away one hundred and fifty thousand to something or other the other day. It seems appropriate while we in New Zealand are seeking solutions for being in the financial soup to hear what this, great authority" says about the elusive half-crown: *1 may remark that \sinoe the war mankind seems to have suffered from too much 'punditism.' For some years we "were told that our well-being depended on more production. 'Produce 1 Produce! 5 was the cry. Now a stricken world is suffering from indigestion. Too much wheat, oil, wine, cotton, wool, copper, tin, rubber, coffee tea and the rest. With one breath the pundits beg us to economise and with the other adjure us to consume Tedundant stocks and to raise the standard of life in low-grade communities. 55

A squad of men were carrying and guarding an immense bag down an Auckland street. It was obvious from the nonchalant attitude of the ones who did not HOARDERS. carry that the bag was

precious—coin, in fact. Up the street outside a bank "was a lorry with dull bricks of metal on it.- A man stood on tie steps -with his band in lis pocket —revolver (shudders!). A passer-by said: "Excuse me, sir, is tbat bullion?" The bank official with tbe concealed arms said calmly, "What is bullion?" and the incident closed. In the cable news you will find that a clergyman and some ladies in Russia are to be tried for hoarding about seventeen pounds' worth of silver. In August four Russian men were shot by the Russian secret police for being "'most mischievous hoarders" of -silver coin. It reconciled the observer and reader to life in a happier land where the hoarders are the people with the revolvers and not the secret police. Incidentally, the observer momentarily thought of picking up one of those silver bricks and running up to EmTy Place with it. The bricks apparently weigh about one hundredweight.

THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. Get rid of the wishing habit and replace it with the habit of decision and action. —W. E. Townc. * ♦ * There are two Christian graces, humility and purity, which are entirely spoilt by talking about them. —Dean Inge. * » » Laugnter, Jet it be but genuine, is of a common nationality, indeed a common fireside; and profound disagreement is not easy after it.—George Meredith.