IN MERRIER MOODS

Auckland Star, Volume LXI, Issue 217, 13 September 1930, Page 2 (Supplement)

IN MERRIER MOODS

The prize this week goes to Miss M. O'Connor, 31, Victoria Avenue, Mount Eden, Auckland, for: AN ANGEL. Little Child: Mamma, what is an Mamma: An angel is a spiritual -body, 'my darling. Little Child: And has it got wings, mamma ? Mamma: Yes, my dear. Little Child: Does it fly, mamma? Mamma: Yes, darling, it flies?. Little Child: Well, papa kissed Sarah in the hall half a minute ago and called her an angel. Will she fly, mamma? Mamma: Yes, darling. The first thing in the morning. HE DID! "My poor husband was a wonderful artist," sighed the landlady, as she hacked at the pie-crust. "He always told me he found inspiration in my cooking." "A sculptor, I presume," said the gloomy boarder, surveying his bent fork. BYE AND BYE. Old Gardener (to his boss, on being offered ' refreshment): Thank ye, sir. (Receives the drink.) Did ye put in the whisky or water first, sir? "The whisky!" 'Thank heaven! I'll maybe come to it bye and bye!" TOTJCHE. A candidate for election, addressing his constituency, was surprised by a voice Avhicli, calling from the back of the hall, said: "Well, I don't care wot yer says, guv'nor. I wouldn't vote for you if you was the Angel Gabriel." Quick as lightning came the reply: "If I were the Angel Gabriel you wouldn't be in my constituency." HELP! The doctor entered the butler's den. "Johnson," he said, "your master is much better to-day. He must not be upset, for he is very irritable." "Very " well, doctor," answered the butler, "But only this morning lie expressed a desire to wring my neck!" The doctor ruminated, then said, "Ah, well, Johnson, humour him!" GRATEFUL. An elderly dame entered a post office, hesitated when she looked at the assistant, and asking for a penny stamp, added, "Haven't I met you before?" "Yes, madam," replied the assistant. "I rescued you from * drowning at Whimpleton-on-Sea last summer." "Oh, yes, so you did," the old lady remarked, "you can give me a shilling's worth of stamps, please." A CUNNING HUSBAND. She (complaining): Before we were married you used to bring me roses and flowers almost every day; but now you never think of buying me even a bunch of dog daisies. He (gallantly): The pretty flower girls don't attract my attention so much as they used to. She: Oh, you darling! Never niind; I don't really care for flowers anyway.

THE ONLY WAY. "The authorities ought to take action against these swindlers," said Robson, as he tore up a letter. "What's the matter?" said Spindle. "I saw an advert, that said that for five shillings they would tell me how to make butter from grass," replied Bobson, "so I sent five shillings and got a card that says, 'After you get the grass ready, give it to the cow and then churn the milk." LAW COURT SPARKLETS. Defendant in a Kingston assault case: If I did the beating—l beat a retreat. Surrey reveller after paying a fine: That is the end of my first charabanc outing. Nottingham man with 50 convictions:, Me swear? Why I do not know how to swear. Police constable at West London: The small car ran into a motor coach. Then it stopped. Harlesden woman, charged with being drunk: Guilty, sir; the heat of the kitchen overcame me. A Willesden woman stated that she was separated from her husband, but had taken him in as a lodger. Willesden magistrate, to defendant: Anything to say? Hoarse voice from the gallery: Say, "Not guilty," mate. Man at Tottenham: He threatened to give me a ticket for the realms above — and I felt a blow on the mouth. Man at Southend: This is the first time I have been in a court, and I don't know whether I am guilty or not. Solicitor at West London: What did you do when the car hit you Young woman witness: I tried to push it away. Solicitor at Tottenham: Were you in the pavilion? lam sorry—my mind is at Lord's. I mean, were you on the pillion?

Prize for Best Story

For the beet anecdote «ent in each week a prize of Five Shillings will be awarded. While in ~ judging preference will be given to local stories, contributions need not be original, but in all cases the source from which taken should be stated. The Editor s decision must be regarded as final. All anecdotes intended for competition must be received at this office by the Monday preceding publication. The envelopes containing contributions must be endorsed with the words "Anecdote" in the top left-hand corner, and addressed Editor, "The. Auckland Star," Auckland.

Diplomacy. "Did y<ju get into the debating team!" "N-n-nt*. They s-s-said/I w-w-wasn't t-t-tall enough." / Domestic Yes-Man. "The man who gives in when he kuowi he is right is weak," says a novelist. Or, of course, married. Reality , . ' Actor: Why can't I have real wine in the banqueting scene? Manager: Would you like real poison in the death scene? Rack and Thumbscrews. "Do you know the motive in that Russian composition they are playing ?' "By the sound I should judge it was revenge." Tip to Headquarters. "So your son isn't going to marry that girl you objected to, eh ? What did you do, tell him you'd disinherit him?" "No I told the girl." Why Wives Stay Put. "My wife says if I don't chuck golf she'll leave me." "I say —hard luck." "Ye-es. I'll miss her." All Forgiven. Magistrate: But if you "were doing nothing wrong, why did you run when Jhe officer approached you? Prisoner: I thought that he wanted to sell me a ticket for the policemen's annual concert. Broadcast. She: It's nearly six weeks now since baby was born. Have you told the registrar yet? He: If the registrar lives anywhere within ten miles' radius he'll know already. Salubrious Solitude. A Highlander who plays the bagpipes every day for an hour has. just celebrated his ninety-fifth anniversary. His longevity may possibly be explained by the fact that his nearest neighbour lives nearly,a mile away.

Lacks the Repose of Vere de Vere. Mrs. Hoskinson: I have found out something about that Mrs. Newconie. Whoever she is, she has certainly never moved in good society. Mr. Hoskinson: How do you know that? "She shakes hands as if she meant it." Not So Bright. Tliere had been a motor wreck. One of the drivers climbed out in a fit of temper and strode up to a man standing on the sidewalk, thinking him to be the other driver. "Say, where is your tail light?" he roared. The innocent bystander looked up at him. "Wot do you think I am—a bloomin' lightning bug?" Speaking of Angels. "It is extraordinary that Mrs. Jenks can never see any faults in her children," observed Mrs. Smith. "Mothers never can," remarked her husband. "What an absurd idea, James! So like a man, I'm sure I should see faults in ' our children at once—if they had any." By-By, Nursie. Mr. Jones had just returned from the office and was introduced to the new nurse, who was astonishingly pretty. "She is sensible and scientific, too," said Mrs. Jones, "and she says she will allow no one to kiss -the baby while she is near." "No one would want to," replied Mr. Jones. "Indeed!" snapped the fond mother. "I mean, not while she is near," faltered the father, endeavouring to make things better. The nurse did not stay long.