THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXI, Issue 173, 24 July 1930, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

THE ECONOMIST. Last night I sat me down to read The latest tax suggestions ; Acutely angry as I was, I asked myself some questions. Can I afford to drink dear beer, Shall dearer whisky flow, Shall I smoke more expensive rags. No ! fellow workers, no ! Shall I the bowser now approach When gas 9s threepence higher, Or park my flivver in the shed And walk as I require? Oh, shall I pay a poll tax, too. (Pole-axe my income so?) I rise in wrathful negative, No ! absolutely, no ! My heart aches and my head is numb, These problems worry me; These peculations by the State Drive me to anarchy. What's that?. The third Test Saturday, When Rose and Fern compete.' I don't mind giving anyone A liver for a seat!

Talking of football (loud cries of "Don't!") and recalling tlie Eight o'Ulock story of the ladv who asked, "Which are Auckland—the ones in blue and white ? THE STUDENT. } there was a man in the crowd who stood, perched or sat next to a man who whiled away a spare moment 01* so with a couple of copies ot "Punch." : The confirmed football fan looked over at the man and. spoke of football, and noticed "Punch." "What sort of paper is that?" he asked.' '"Is it ' published in New Zealand?"

Although it is unique' that a lady lias won the King's Prize at Bisley, it has been common enough for women to carry and to use arms. There was, if RIFLEWOMEN. you remember, .the "Women's" Death "Battalion in Russia when the Russian Steam Roller was crunching away for the Allies. The service rifle is hardly a toy as to weight, and the physical strain of toting the thing around, let alone loosing -the bolt continually; is very great. There is still extant a snap photograph of armed 'women handing in their rifles and bandoliers at Pretoria when peace came in Africa. At many plates, during that war women were engaged with rifles, especially at Paaixleburg, which was a family affair.and a very remarkable instance of the persistence and heroism of women. They practised rifle shooting assiduously. It is recalled by a man who has seen the Afrikander woman with her hair tied up in a handkerchief and with a rifle looking for rooineks, that Paardeburg was a sea of white feathers when Cronje and his men and women at last "hands up. 111 short, all the defenders, slept in their trenches 011 feather mattresses> which when shelled blew all over the place. Among other messy things were about forty acres of smashed transport, mostly from buggies and Cape carts. •

Amateur financiers wlio liave sat down with their aching, brows in trembling hands pondering the new ways for helping the taxpayer to help his country WILLING VICTIMS, are entitled to inquire what the State will do with the money we are all so anxious to give it. One facetious person, having viewed the new railway station and ridden in the expresses, believes, much of the new revenue may be usefully employed in building a station even more like the -Taj Mahal. He thinks it is essential in.a, young country like this to satisfy touring shark catchers that we have always lived in a state of railway opulence. He thinks that should there be any residue it might be spent on decorating the fronts of power board buildings with selected gems, flight is so much lighter is if emerges from palatial structures, and trains, are so much faster oozing from the portals, of Taj Mahals. In an absurd mood the commentator quotes the methods of other countries, especially mentioning that one great'official recently refused to take his salary and asked the State to half it, making it very few thousands a year indeed. The commentator mentioned that the man is a Canadian. •

'. .So many people really believe that it is possible for earth dwellers. to communicate with the departed that few responsible folks • jest on the subject. It CAESAR RINGS UP. is perhaps excusable that

the young should do so. It was lately declared that a Hawke's Bay lady had exchanged messages with Sir Conan Doyle, who departed hence so short a time ago. Two young ladies are reported to have rung this lady up on the telephone, the following, conversation ensuing: "Is that Mrs. —— "Yes!". "Oh, this is Julius Caesar!" That was the whole conversation. Julius Caesar and her aider and abettor burst out laughing, ancl Sir Conan's, friend wondered why the celebrated emperor had such a mellifluous voice and spoke in good New Zealand. • He's probably forgotten his Latin by now.,

It is cabled that the King complimented the High Commissioner. at India House, London, on the rugless and highly polished floors

of the house. It is not POLICE POLISH, known how Sir Atul

Chatterjee caused the floors to be polished, whether by elbow grease, pony power or policemen. In New Zealand many an excellent dancing floor has received its highest polish by having a bag dragged across the dressed floor by a pony in sack boots, the driver sitting on the bag. In a southern city one wots of there used to be a police watclihouse where the brown linoleum shrieked aloud with sliininess. It was anathema to the uns'ober wayfarer from the streets who crossed it unaccompanied. The glossiness was achieved by relays of three large constables. The fattest sat on the polishing bag and his fellow polishers hauled him up and down. One night the superintendent, coming on duty after a devotional meeting of the Royal Elves—but, bedad, 'tis ancient history!

Dear little children for whose special behoof wild animals are caged in zoos will regret that a pair of sea lions have ungratefully expired of pneumoOBITUARY. ilia, reckless of their

selected function in teaching young human beings zoology and kindness to the varied fauna which can be made to swallow pennies in selected cases. It is always a pity that beasts are dumb and are unable to express their gratitude to experts who for their good take beasts from their native "habitat and civilise them: These fatality .lists are of perennial interest to scientists, who will arrive in. due time at a knowledge of the sorts which can be kept the longest without annoying humanitarians by dying. In an altered state of society the Amalgamated Brotherhood of Polar 'Bears might select human beings from Sierra Leone, and, denuding them of any clothes they might wear, give tliein a health trip to Iceland, where they could be exhibited in cages for the delectation of bear cubs and-the furtherance of the work of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Africans. '

THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. God's Providence is my inheritance.—-Anon. * » *

A wise woman is one who has a great deal to say, and remains silent.—Moore.

Logical consequences are the scarecrows of fools and the beacons of wise men.—Huxley. * * *

Read not to contradict and refute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse; ■ but to weigh and consider.—i Lord- Ba con» " ~