THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXI, Issue 123, 27 May 1930, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) Souvenirs have been mentioned in this place lately, and a treasured ink sleuth says that no man who ever lived was dogged as was the Prince of Wales SOUVENIRS. in America. An old lady v hunting souvenirs beseeched a soldier on duty at a royal function to obtain for her anything the Prince had touched "even if it is only a fishbone." When the banquet was over the soldier sold the Prince's well-picked poultry bones to the dear old thing for ten dollars. Then he cleaned up all the poultry bones from all the plates and traded them to admiring Americans for a total of two hundred and fifty dollars. M.A.T. remembers the case of an Australian Governor who was a gentleman of no particular distinction. For one night he stayed in a humble backblocks hotel. Present scribe, visiting the hotel years afterwards, noted a sealed glass jar on the mantelpiece in the sitting room containing a cloudy fluid. Curiosity impelled the scribbler to ask the licensee what it contained. With immense pride he said, "That's some of the wort or what Lord : washed 'is 'ands in." It has been noticed from time to time that we.New Zealanders (outside politics and the police) are rocky as to distinctions, rank, precedent, and so forth. There MIXED is the story of the two BATTALION, matrons who discussed their soldier sons. Said one, "My son is a captain." "Oh, said the other, "my son's a major—and a sergeantmajor at that!" There is the other old one, too. "My son's a lieutenant." "Oh, is he?" "My son's getting on, too. He's assistantbatman to the lance-corporal of the 29th Reinforcement." On a recent evening a local old soldier entertained some visiting athletes. Among them was an ex-officer of the Great War with an enviable fighting record. During the eulogistic speeches he was referred to with fervour as "Colonel C." Later in the proceedings he was presented to the company as the ! distinguished "Captain C." Again, on a subsequent occasion, he was promoted to the rank of general. The last of the gay proceedings was at the departure of the guests. The officer was still a favourite. He was seen with the arm of an affectionate admirer round his shoulder. "Good-bye, Corporal!" said the fareweller. ' I

Dear M.A.T., —In the backblocks where children .are called early to milk cows the local school teacher Avas • giving a lesson on New Zealand geography. Ha THE NAPPERS. mentioned Cape Kidnappers, and then asked if any scholar knew why that name was given to the point. One lad, proba'bly having sad memories of being roused at 4 a.m. to milk the cows, said: "Please, sir, perhaps it's hard to get the kids up in the morning at that place!"—Cowbyre. "Robert" points out to MA..T. that in " W.M.L.'s" "Star" article "The First New Zealand Parliament" the writer does not mention that it was held in AuckCONSTITUTION land. It was gathered in HILL, a wooden building which afterwards became the University College. It was approached, of course, by Constitution Hill, in the 'fifties an even more rugged ascent than it is now, and rather trying to obese persons- who won the heights and were thereafter prolific of speeches. The difficulty of the ascent induced the uninitiated and popular world to believe that it was called Constitution Hill on account of the exercise it necessitated and the good that resulted to the constitution of the individual. There remain people who still believe this and not because it marked the beginning of a New Zealand political constitution based on that of the Old Home.

Dear M.A.T.,—Truth is stranger than fiction. The- following incident actually happened to a friend who had only a few days before been engaged as THE CORONET. . general help. On the day ■ ■.;•' i Q question the mistress was initiating her into the mysteries of pancake making, which, amongst other things, requires a really smart movement to toss the pancake and at the same time turn it. Things were going all right when the door bell rang. The mistress answered it and escorted the visitor to the drawing room, forgetting the pancakes and new pancake maker till in rushed the servant with one planted fairly on her hair (she is not bobbed). In the attempt to turn it she had tossed it too high, with the extraordinary result mentioned. It was some time before 'she looked presentable, as the half raw side of the pancake had crowned her. Most municipalities controlling motor' transport insist •on posting anti-smokinf notices in the buses within their jurisdic° _____'_~ tion - A harried smoker INFERIORITY writes (from the South) COMPLEX, to M.A.T. to say that by passive resistance it is possible to break down this official attitude. For instance, he says: "In the district that has the distinction of my residence if passengers in a bus containing ten men and one woman simply insisted on smoking the by-law (or whatever it is) would) become inoperative. We have held conferences on the matter, but ; up to the present moment none has had the courage to smoke in the bus except the local i constable." " '

Dear M.A.T.,—Mention of mistakes about Maoris recalls the tour of New Zealand by the present King and Queen. One of the tour•r.TT/v, . ing part y was 'an English EHOA! journalist whose hobby was botany. When visiting Whakarewarewa he was interested. in a small fern, and, in search of information, inquiringly addressed a well-tattooed native with, "Ehoa, what you call that, eh V "Oh, that's fern," was the reply in excellent English He then gave the botanical name, which°consisted of two Latin words. There is also the classical story of the Wanganui barmaid, who, on.catching a glimpse of a Maori making his way into the private bar. immediately said: "Haeremai, out you get, fourpenny bar for you!" The Maori happened to be a Cabinet Minister. He went in search of other quarters and himself told the yarn with great elee M.A.C. .".■'' It makes a man's head' ache to think of Amy Johnson, and while such earth worms as are the majority of human beings, are making . ' the welkin ring with apGENTLEMEN, plause, timorous ones will AMY JOHNSON! perhaps hope that Sister . ' Sue Auntie will not take Amy's tremendous feat as a precedent and go swooping about the sky in this intrepid fashion. Within the memory of Amy's pa if a girl in her early twenties overstepped the mark and showed more than an ankle while perspiring at battledore and shuttlecock ma would get a sharp ' note from the vicar. Armchair moralists have, during the whole of the short period in which young women have discovered their own extra-

ordinary courage, told us the race is going to the dogs. Before the whole British race was engaged in a peculiarly poisonous war the same people said the race was going to the dogs. Before Waterloo the race was going to the dogs. That time the Normans were prancing about on the old soil the race was going to the clogs. Another thing. What about dividing three hearty cheers and a tiger between Amy and the wonder chap responsible for an air bus that does a job like Amy's machine? Hipray for him !• :