GRAVE AND GAY.

Auckland Star, Volume LXI, Issue 103, 3 May 1930, Page 6 (Supplement)

GRAVE AND GAY.

STORIES FROM THE FRONT LINE. "DEBOUT LES MORTS." THE COLONEL'S LITTLE JOKE. It was in order to perpetuate the inherent humour of New Zealand fighting men that the publication of Digger* v war stories was instituted, but the grave creeps in amongst the gay, and this week we publish tWo reminiscences from 3/958 which will remind the present generation that war was terrible and grim. However, it is humour that makes the greatest appeal, laughter tears being so closely alcin that the lighter side must win, in the printed word, at any rate. The first prize goes to R.F.M. 21/006 for his story of the men who expected a new rig-out, but found themselves on a somewhat fatiguing fatigue party.

MANY VOLUNTEERS.

BUT THEY " FELL IN» FOR WORK. Place: New Zealand base camp, France. The Colonel: A well-known Wellington citizen. The Troops: A brand new reinforce..znent. 1 Th e orderly sergeant read out the order, and we poor mugs bit like sharks "All men," he read, "having dirty, illfitting or torn uniforms will parade at S a.m. to-morrow, Sunday, at the Q.M. stores." What a muster there was—even the cooks and their offsiders turned up- —for who ever heard of a digger who had a fair dinkum good uniform? At anyrate, wlio would miss a buckshee issue, if he had eight uniforms? The colonel himself came along to see us, and we all remarked, nice and kind like, Avhat a real good joker he was. He spoke a few ■\Vords to us on care of uniforms, etc., and went on to say that he would like to issue us all with a new outfit, but that the total stock of the "stores" at the moment was: Trousers, slack, pairs 10; tunics, service, 6. < Grave doubts assailed us, and murzauricg3 arose "Well, what the are .'ire here for?" We soon found out and

it knocked our end in. The colonel went on with his parley, and what do you think he wanted us for? To unload 100 trucks of coal at our siding, which had to be shifted .that day. And he so hated to spoil a decent uniform. We finished up at 8.30 that night.—R.F.M., 21006. DEBOUT LES MORTS! There was a story in the English regiments that had fought near Ypres of a , trench in which a long and desperate struggle had gone on against German attacks repeated and overwhelming. The men on each flank grew anxious at the prolonged silence of their comrades after the last attacking wave had been repulsed. They shouted: "Are we downhearted?" And there was no reply. Again they shouted: "Are we downhearted ?" And through the hail of shrapnel they saw a faint movement along the blasted parapet. The figure of a man, his charred clothes hanging in blackened shreds about him, rose pain- ' fully erect. The blood ran down his shattered face. His . shout came back to them above the screaming shells, "No!" The rattle of machine-guns was .his requiem as he fell forward dead. . • From the French troops there came another story. Again a trench was being desperately held against successivc , waves of the enemy. Ono after another of its defenders had fallen by bullet or grenade. The officer in command, faint from his own wounds and loss of blood, regained consciousness and saw one man, alone, gigantic in the smoking reek, who stood up and hurled his bombs at the advancing enemy. Thick piled around him lay the bodie3 of the fallen. His swaying mind fixed itself for a moment on their sacrifice. Was it in vain? Was it, indeed, their final effort? He would see. At first his words shook in his throat, then gathered strength with the brave throbbing of his heart, and from his lips there burst the cry "Debout, les morts!" —Advance, the dead! They gtirred. They started to their feet. The wounded officer sprang, at their head, upon the reeling German lines before them, and the last onslaught of the enemy was beaten back. —3/958. THE VERSATILE DRINKER. -We had just gone into billets, and one of the hard-case members of the company managed to get hold of some French brandy and returned late at night. He was put in the guard tent, on account of hi# condition. Ihe following morning he was paraded before the Colonel. As this was not his first offence he was given seven days' Royal warrant. As ho was about to be dismissed the Colonel said: "Oh! by the way, how much drink would, you consume in a night?" The Digger's reply 'was: "Oh! sorno _ nights two or three .gallons; other nights quite a lot. - "Digger," Auckland.

LOFTY GOT THREE RATIONS OF RUM. It was in December, 1916, during that very cold winter. We liad just come from the Armentieres sector and were billeted for a few days at 13ac St. Maur before going into the line again. The nights were cold, and the rum ration eagerly looked forward to. One night time was getting on, yet no sergeant and no rum. Lights out; still no rum; and there were many mutterings of what we would like to do with sergeants that drank our rum, etc. However, better late than never; the sergeant turned up about ten minutes later. Now there was a rickety partition running down the middle of our hut, and we were sleeping with our heads to the partition along each side of it. The sergeant went down one side ladling out the rum in the darkness, and as soon as Lofty had his ration he crawled noiselessly through a hole in the partition and got into the bunk with his neighbour on the other side. And as the sergeant passed down that side Lofty held out liis hand and got his second ration, he keeping mum all the time, and in the darkness the sergeant could not distinguish him. When he had finished both sides, the sergeant said: "One more ration left. Who wants it?" "Here, sergeant!" yelled a chorus, but Lofty's voice was louder than the

rest, and he had by thi3 time crawled back to his own bunk, so the sergeant unknowingly handed him his third ration. ■ "Thanks, sergeant," says Lofty. "This is my third. Morry Christmas to you." We all had a jolly good laugh at Lofty being able to outwit tha sergeant, and he went away muttering something about getting his own back some day.—M. Maher, Surrey Farm, Pokeno. A MIRACULOUS MONOCLE. An English officer who wore a monocle had to pass a tent occupied by some Aussies, who would come out with pennies in one eye and salute him. This went on for several mornings, till the officer, tiring of being a butt, flicked his glass in the air, and, catching it on his eye, remarked: "Do that you Anzac blighters, do that."—A. G. Creagh, 23, Dedwood Terrace, Ponsonby. A DIGGER AND HIS CHEESE. The Colonel was going the round of the trenches when he came across a Digger washing in a "tin hat." Picking up the "soap" and examining -it, the Colonel remarked: "Strange sort of soap, my man; what is it?" "Cheese," replied the Digger. The Colonel asked the reason, and got the reply: "Well, sir, the soap tastes better than the cheese, and the cheese lathers better than the soap, so I eats me soap and washes with me cheese." "A LITTLE CHILD SHALL LEAD THEM." A very youthful and rather small officer had command of a platoon of infantry. He was somewhat annoyed by his men, who were continually whistling the tune "And a Little Child Shall Lead Them." His turn came one evening. He Avas reading out the orders for tht following day, which contained the un* welcome news that his footsloggers were to go on an extra long route march in the desert, they having had plenty of these recently, and were completely feci up. He concluded the order by saying, "And a little child shall lead you—on a horse." —A. Travers, W.M.C., Auckland. "WON'T MOTHER BE PLEASED?" During the later part of- 1918, when largo numbers of prisoners were going through our lines, a great deal of merriment was causcd. On one occasion when a crowd of German prisoners were resting behind our guns I got into conversation with them. One, only a young lad straight from college, who spoke English well, said to me: "I only came into the trenches at six o'clock last night and was captured before six this morning. My grandfather is interned in the Isle of Wight, so now I shall be able to go and visit him. Won't my mother be pleased when she hears the news?" —P. S. White, Eltham lload, Ivohimarama.