PARISIANA.

Auckland Star, Volume LXI, Issue 39, 15 February 1930, Page 11 (Supplement)

PARISIANA.

"CHERCHEZ LA FEMME!" © GOSSIP OF THE CAPITAL.

' (By GEORGE CECIL.)

How strange a thing is the' French mentality, both hot-headed youth and extreme old age being subject to its vagaries, which often result in shocking crimes. The latest instance is furnished by Aristide Dubois, a respectable chemist, aged 24, and Homere Tillier, an octogenarian market gardener. A shot from a revolver, fired with deadly aim by Homere, laid'poor Aristide so low that he could not rise. His brain was perforated. Aristide and Homere were neighbours, each. inhabiting Fontenay-les-Roses, a charming li.ral locality near Paris. The pair were great friends, passing their spare time at the nearest cafe, where they played dominoes,'sipped mild beer, and discussed every subject under the blazing sun. Life flowed tranquilly for both parties, till, one unfortunate day, the venerable market gardener undertook the guardianship of his orphaned grand-daughter, a winsome lass of marriageable age, introducing the chemist to her. Young Henriette immediately displayed a liking for Aristide, who, understanding finance, considered that her dowry would come in handy for housekeeping purposes. Before a month had passed, the man of figures, over an evening game of dominoes and a penny State-manufactured cigar, sounded the horticulturist. But Homere, considering that Henriette might do better than accept so ineligible a suitor, angrily swept the dominoes to the floor, and swore, by Flora, the goddess of flowers, that Aristide's presumption was beyond all endurance. A quarter of an hour later, the report of a firearm rang out; the octogenarian, ambushed behind a large gooseberry bush, had treacherously slwt the pharmacist' dead, as the lastnamed romantically-gazed at the moon. A case of "cherchez la femme" as the highbrows express themselves. When the case is tried, Homere, who, seized by passing neighbours, was conilveyed to the police station, doubtless will "get away with it." He need but plead a brain-storm, over-anxiety for his granddaughter's welfare, and. old age, to wring tears from a sympathetic jury. The obligations of guardianship are held very sacred in France. Another "Freak" Dinner. Thirteen male American tourists, becoming tired of the meals served at their respective hotels, recently dined at a Saint-Germain restaurant, motoring from Paris to the historic townlet early in the afternoon. On reaching their destination, six of the party, bent on individual shopping, bade each other a temporary farewell, the remaining seven also mysteriously disappearing. An hour later all met at the restaurant, every man being laden with an eatable and a drinkable apiece, the collection including one hare, four mutton chops, two beefsteaks, three fish, a brace of partridges, several large bundles of I asparagus, some hothouse fruit, a barrel of oysters, and various bottles of wine. 'The spokesman, whose French was, to put it politely, halting, addressed the I astonished Bonifaoo, desiring him' to

cook the supplies, and to charge what he "darn well" pleased, an order which ; after further explanation, subsequently received attention, corkage also being levied. The excursionists then savoured the panoramic view of Paris from the broad terrace, and, fatigued by their exertions, turned into a forest cafe where assorted liquers are on tap. AIL faced by empty glasses, then slumbered peacefully. Darkness having fallen, the adventurous thirteen awoke, greatly refreshed, and bade a peasant boy conduct them restaurant-wards. Upon arriving, each handed the. bewildered child a twentyfranc note, the grand total reaching a sum which made the little guide rich beyond the dreams of avarice, for he had never in his short life . handled more than a twenty-sixth part of so comparatively vast a sum., Dinner being served, a more or less amiable discussion took place as to which diners Should have first call on the three fish, the four mutton chops, and the two beefsteaks. After what, at one time, had developed into an unseemly wrangle the senior member of the assembly ruled that the purchasers of these comestibles had the right to consume them. Mercifully, asparagus satisfied the others, and, mixed liquor having circulated freely, ill-will (very properly) was buried deep in the mists of oblivion. At this juncture, the farseeing landlord, anticipating bloodshed should the hare and partridge fail to go round, mentioned that his establishment was celebrated for its omelette aux fines • herbes. A gigantic one, cooked to perfection, made its welcome appearance, a slightly muddled diner, who probably saw the dish for the first time, roughly sousing his portion with a glass of red wine. The chef, peeping through a chink, muttered words to the effect that culinary art was utterly wasted on savages. Apples Cause Trouble. . The strange meal , being ended, the jovial party boarded its fleet of three cars in the bright moonlight, first distributing all their loose cash among the urchins who, having learned of the guide's luck, had eagerly collected about the restaurant door. Then, heading for Paris, the automobilists, who had filled their pockets with the apples for which Saint-Germain is famed, reached the city's octroi barrier, to be sternly challenged . . "Rieri a declarer," cheerfully sang out the French scholar, unaware 'that country produce is taxed ... A sagacious Customs official, smelling apples, leisurely went through the: pockets of each overcoat, removing the luscious fruit and neatly arranging it. on the scandalised inspector's table . . "You will pay 100 francs duty or forfeit your apples," quoth the inflexible man, "plu3 another 200 francs for making a false declaration. Or perhaps, you would like to make the acquaintance of a French prison ?" Although the flabbergasted thirteen were ready to pay up, rather than be kept from their warm beds, they had got rid of so much money on the Saint-1 Germain jaunt that forty-six francs was all the rich Yanks could muster between them. Finally, after half-an-hour's tierce, arguing, the flinty-hearted official relented, defining a car as hostage. On the morrow the fine was handed over, a receipt given, and the vehicle returned to •the garage from which it had been hired. Meanwhile the indignant tourists have sent a lurid account of the affair to a New York <paper. International complications may. follow . ..