FOR THE GIRLS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXI, Issue 15, 18 January 1930, Page 2 (Supplement)

FOR THE GIRLS.

WHEN FACTS STAND UPON THEIR HEADS. TALES OUT OF SCHOOL My Dear Girls, — There is a well-known proverb which says "Never tell tales out of school," but Recently a friend sent me some cuttings from a school examination paper, the unconscious humour of many of the answers being absolutely priceless. lam going to turn a dear ear to the proverb, and let you into the laugh with me. What we would do without the dear old "schoolboy howler" I don't know. It seems to be the history paper which contains the most pitfalls. ( Here is an eyeopener. "Charles I. was gbing 16 Marry the Infanta of Spain. He went to See her, and, as Shakespeare said, K«? never smiled again." One lives and learns, but who would ever imagine that Bolshevism was so old, till you read, Harold and his cowsin, Trotsky l , fought at Stamford Bridge on September 25, 4 ,1056." We hve all learnt at school that Xing Edward VII. was born in 1841, but U i* stH-f»rising ttf know "He was a great novelty and £ luxus'y." It is a dismal thing to think that "Clive imprisoned ISO mart in the Black Hole of Calcutta,, and so laid the fdurfdatiojia of our Indian Empire/' There is a grain of comfort in the sfatenKSfif that "After riiriefeeri years irt prison, Mary .gueeit of Scots wiSs executed, and feniaindd as beautiful «» when she Was young." It is pleasant to reflect that "John Sunyan was the inventor of the Nonconformist Religion, and he also wrote the Pilgrims' Chorus." Again, it is vastly comforting to know "The British Constitution is' a sound oney but ow account of its' hWolent positiori 1 , Jt suffers fogs." After these startling facts, we are able to accept wifli calm the Sad end of the Conqueror. "William the Conqueror was thrown from his horse and wounded in the Feudal and died of it/' Next comes general knowledge. "A prism is a kind of dried plum—people say prunes dnd priSmS." "An undergraduate i<> a person not up |o the rtiark." "Marcorii is' used to make delicious puddings." - > How appropriate' id our Auckland highways' is the next stafeinent. "When walking the ifiotoriM is a nuisance, but when ridihg the pedestrian is too Ofteri in the way/' WfteriSsked to riame six Arctic aniiriaU one answer was, "Three polar' bears, two seals, arid one reindeef/' It is a bit Staggering to know from the Scripture paper, "Sodom and GommorAh were destroyed by brimstone arid tre&cfe/' arid" tifeat "Jdkrt the Baptist lived upon honey and bluebottles," that "Elisha was the man Who raised the widow's hiite/'Ah, well, I expect everyone of '■ us at one time or aftdther has • made fact's stand upon; their heads, i . \ A arid given oUr eldei*s a latigh, and a laugh is a fine things isii't it?