THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LX, Issue 288, 5 December 1929, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

People on the northern shores might come the Teutonic dodge of willing victory in regard to the bridge; think bridge, dream bridge, talk bridge, write bridge—and THE BRIDGE, then make bridge. Several ' expert gentlemen are at present pushing the project a notch or two forward by examining the floor of the harbour in the line that will presumably carry the great bridge from shore to shore. The samples taken from the floor of the ocean will naturally be extremely varied, including ash, coal and seaweed. A few weeks ago, as M.A.T. mentioned, a kind friend sent him a large collection of used razor blades. Having served out some to inquiring friends for pencil sharpeners, he cast the remainder overboard into the harbour. He is living in fear and trembling that the boring experts engaged on the bridge survey will fish them up again.

Desperate farmers with large acreages of blackberry have noted with joy that an uninvited insect has been biting the bushes, which are dying. There is, of SAVED BY course, universal thanksA WEED, giving that Nature is now finding, an easy way to dispense with the pest. Many people in New Zealand have tried to eradicate blackberry, and one little man hoped at one time to make a fortune by selling bottles of his weed eradicating specific, a glutinous brown compound. He demonstrated the eradicator before a select group of Taranaki blackberry farmers, going solemnly out into a twenty-acre paddock wholly covered by the weed and pouring half-a-crown's worth of his specific on a bush. "There you are, gentlemen," he said. "In one week that bush will be dead." He thanked them for their attendance, and endeavoured to trade with them for large supplies. In a week the bush had freshened up wonderfully and the eradicator had moved further afield with his bottle of brown stuff. But why eradicate blackberry ? It saves lives. At a dangerous turn near Ahaura the other day a car skidded, rolled over three times and dropped thirty feet into a clump of blackberry bushes. A man, a woman and three children were in the car. The blackberry bushes saved all their lives. The fact that unregenerate Auckland lads have used the cenotaph as "wickets" for cricket will suggest that decent public conduct has to be taught not only to inVANDALS. fants but to adults. The little incident will bring a flood of memories of real vandalism. Auckland's most flagrant example was the deliberate breaking off of the palm held in the hand of the beautiful female bronze figure walking up the steps of the Maori memorial in Symonds Street. The vandals also stoned the memorial. Idiots in Berlin, in Paris and in London have violently defaced great works of art. It is curious that. these idiots rarely deface the ihings that shriek for destruction as inartistic blotches. They choose the best. A Wanganui incident showing how the New Zealand lad will turn any chance object to use is recalled. The authorities decided to replace a letter box on a telegraph post at a corner. The workmen detached the old box, taking it away, leaving a perfectly new, bright and beautiful red one in its place ready to be fixed by a man who would follow in due course. When the man arrived there was no box. There was no box for about a week. Complaints were made, search was ordered. The new box was found in a neighbouring paddock. Local boys had carried it off and were daily using it as a wicket. ..;■■•

Rumours that rude Boreas is distributing hats in Wellington euggests to erst Welling, tonians that the Poneke season for scattered hats is all the year round THE HAT. • and that the people possess a far greater variety of headgear than ourselves. It causes a Wellington wife no astonishment to eee her husband return home with a different hat for each day in the week. He has to take what he can get. A Wellington man visited present scribe the other day and hung his hat on a peg. A small child was too polite to mention a visitor's hat while he was there, but when he had gone ehe said, "Daddy, didn't Captain R have a nice hat V "Yes," said' father. "Why did he have a pearl button and a piece of black string on it, daddy?" "Oh, he lives in Wellington, my dear," said father. "We don't have to tie our hats on in Auckland." There is a sequel communicated since by post relating how the Wellingtonian, trusting Auckland climate, went across the harbour with his hat unanchored. He is now bewailing the loss of a fine fur felt with a black band and a pearl fastener attached to a black silk line. Any fisherman hooking the same please forward.

Dear M.A.T.,—The following letter has been received: "Please could you let me know the amount owing on my house to the. pleasant month." The communicaPOSERS FROM tion shows a commendPAUZER. able spirit in describing December as the "pleasant month." Possibly caused by the advent of the cheer season. Could be carried a bit further, such as January as hard-up month, February butterfat month, November mugs' month (i.e., horse racing), and the like. I afso received a letter to-day from a furrier whose letterhead advises that "Customers' own skins made up." I have a mortgagee's farm up North and require a new saddle for Dobbin. Do you think in view of the bonus of £100 granted to themselves I could obtain the skin of a tame M.P. and get my furrier friend to turn it into the long-.wanted saddle? I wonder. While I am on the job, why are members of Parliament described in the meticulous Press always as "M.P.'s"? Why not M's.P.? These 'hon. gents" are members of one Parliament, not of two or three parliaments, are they not? In the old European conflict days that model of English literature, Routine Orders, always described sergeants-major as S.'s.M., so why not M.'s.P., dear sir and bro. ?—Pauzer. Quaint little commercial item from London mentions a new trencher game played by commercial gourmets. Guests at Australia Home m . ~ s *t down and were served TAKING CHANCES, some slices of beef, not . . knowing the country of its origin. Having sampled Australian, Scottish and Argentine without knowing t'other from which, they all voted which was best and Australia won. The whole art of commercial tasting may in time change. Preference am on" the aristocracy for exceedingly ripo venison may yet spread to other comestibles and New Zealand find a market for riper mutton. You imagine your British host mentioning that the butter, or the beef, or the mutton, has doubled Cape Horn twelve times as a guarantee of choiceness, just as one's host brings up his Sauterne and boasts that it has lain in his cellar since 1572. It may be a surprise to users of ardent spirits that there is a race of men who spend their whole lives sampling whisky and who frequently die between the! ages of ninety and a hundred. They appear to gargle and not to swallow this popular fluid, an example of self-denial wholly admirable. Anyone who has seen tea tasters performing their expert duties will have noticed that they take a handful of the dried leaf and' hold it closely over their mouth and nose. It is obvious this kind of testing could hardly be adopted in the frozen meat trade. M.A.T. 'once met the most expert tea taster in- New Zealand in a restaurant. "Have a cup of tea, will you V said a friend to the tea taster. "I nevah drink tea," he eaid sententiously. "I'll have a cup of cocoa, thanks."