THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LX, Issue 243, 14 October 1929, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) The Auckland citizen was left in the house alone on Saturday night. Mrs. Citizen had gone out to a friend's house. Miss Citizen went out to a jazz DAYLIGHT SAVERS, party. "Don't wait up for us, dad," tliey chorused. "Righto!" said dad. The housefather, about ten o'clock, put out the billy, discharged the cat and went round the house, carefully put the clocks on, put his own watch on the requisite half-hour and turned in. Mother returned from her visit about eleven-thirty. With housewifely thought she put the clocks on the requisite half-hour. The daughter arrived long before the milkman and she dutifully put the clocks on the requisite half-hour. Sunday came and in the afternoon there arrived a lady visitor from a distant suburb. They chatted cheerily and drank tea. Then the visitor looked suddenly at the clock. "Good gracious!" she said. "I hadn't the least idea it was so late. Are you sure that's the correct time?" "Yes," said the man. "I know it is because I put the clock on last night." "You put the clock on?" trilled mother. "So did I!" "So did I!" chirped the daughter. Then, of course, they all laughed and father told the good old classic of the man who wanted an inch cut off the legs of his trousers and asked the assembled ladies, wife, daughter and aunt, to see to it. "They're on the end of the bed," said he. Auntie found them and reduced the length and put them back. Daughter found them and did her duty. Auntie found them and made the necessary reduction. Splendid pair of shorts he had.

Cumulative evidence extorted from citizens under threat of publicity shows that the incoming of Sideyreal time this morning left most people unruffled. In CLOCKS ON. most households it is assumed that the clock was not only pushed on half an hour on Sunday, but that most persons who pushed it on gave it ten minutes to boot. Various scouts report that gathering places for suburbanites who come to town were thick with people who arrived long before their appointed time. There are reports, however, of numbers of people who missed the bus and tendered various excuses to controllers who, however, seemed to be good-tempered about the forgetfulness. What is most noticeable this year at the beginning of official summer time is that the crowds who turn out half an hour earlier hardly refer to it. It is already established as a habit. In time a man will put on summer time as he pulls on his socks and accept the. stern decree of that innocent politician, Mr. Sidey, as he accepts his collar stud. In the meantime some other interference with the right of farmers will have to be invented. Isn't one's life extremely flat When there's nothing whatever to grumble at? The notion that the colonial is a hairy outlaw of the two-gun type who kills his victim per bullet and not per motor car persists in the Old Country. WHERE IS IT ? The lady preacher, Miss Maude Hoyden, speaking at Home of the splendid hospitality of Australian and New Zealand people, was asked by a reporter, "I suppose it was a rough-and-ready hospitality?" (He himself very likely had a notion of buying a couple of large revolvers, a bowie knife, and so forth, to tread the trackless bush of Sydney or the terrifying jungle of Queen Street, where cannibals and man-eaters do so abound.) The consequence was that the question of the reporter was cabled back as the declaration of the lady preacher, and she has had to go round explaining that our homes are refined homes, that Ave speak English, that, as a matter of fact, you may find the same kind of nice folk in the Dominions as among the best of the Old Land. Why the ignorance of our relatives at Home should worry us, however, is hard to understand. The ignorance of any people, anywhere in the world (even of their own country), is colossal. As a matter of fact, most of the people of the world couldn't pass an exam, about their own home town. Infernal cheek of the denizens of Fortrose (where is Fortrose?) not to know all about Warrnambool or Wharekiraupunga.

It seems appropriate to remark while Ramsay Mac Donald's visit to America is in the minds of everybody that the United States does not at the present SAM'S SELECTION, moment say, "No British need apply." A fact or two are of tremendous import to Australians and New Zealanders. The United States domestic policy is on a British basis. Millions of Americans are proud of their British blood. For forty years foreigners other than British have swarmed in so that Uncle Sam has become afraid that they may at last swamp the AngloSaxon element. So Sam, instead of permitting 34,007 British and Northern Irish to enter in each year - , has increased the quota to 65,721. In short (and this is the point) the United States incline to be more hospitable to British immigrants than either Australia or New Zealand and even vies with Canada. Maybe a time will come when the most precious imports these lands can obtain will be people of our own blood. A time may come when the "Keep-off-the-grass" element will rave in vain for relatives who are better welcomed elsewhere. According to William, there are habitues of refreshment parlours who have various devices for obtaining liquid sustenance without the bother of paying THE THIRST, for it. A little sweep was being drawn among a small group of men. One drew a horse called Dutch Money. A little later a man not in the group, but further along the counter, stepped over. "You drew Dutch Money, did you?" "Yes," said the man. "Well, he won." said the informer. "Come and have a drink," replied the delighted drawer of Dutch Money. The gentleman had a drink. The gentleman later departed. Dutch Money didn't win. The discussion as to whether elephants | should carry tail lights induces a treasured informer to mention the case of an elephant with a long memory. A GRATITUDE. large circus visited a large town. With the circus was a large elephant. The elephant was , turned into a barbed-wire enclosure, and unhappily became painfully entangled. A plumber was passing by. It is fortunate that the plumber had not forgotten his tools, and was able with the aid of pliers, snips and file to free the unfortunate animal. About eighteen months after, the circus again visited the town. The plumber treated himself to a shilling seat in the tent. The band began to play, the grand entree took place. The elephant with the memory led the procession. The mammoth animal, esnying his friend the plumber, halted, raised his trunk perpendicularly in salute, reached over, seized the plumber in his trunk and gently placed him in a three-and-sixpenny seat. Dear M.A.T., —Here is a howler from our local school: The school mistress gave the children an object lesson; subject, the horse. „, TT „ At the end of the lesson THE CHILD MIND, she asked: "Can anyone tell me what a horse is like?" A little Maori shot up his hand. "Well, Jonah.' "Please, Miss, it's like a penny." "Like a penny ? How do you make that out ?" Please, Miss, it has a head and a tail." The little man had. seen tlie game of two-up.