RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LX, Issue 164, 13 July 1929, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

. _ W* MMfIEB?

Could any body of men other than Parliamentarians spend a fortnight "debating" a motion which none of them ever intended to oppose? "Investigations . . have shown that the most successful trappers met with much success last month." This was to be expected. Do some eminent footballers say to themselves early in the week, "Now shall I play League or Rugby on Saturday ?" "Changes come and changes go," remarks a member of Parliament. Yes, indeed, and the worst of it is that when a change goes a change comes. It is possible to fly to England from Australia in a fortnight, as the Southern Cross has proved, but J imagine it will be some time before aerial passenger agents begin talking about "air travel de luxe." The story that the Minister of Railways, when inspecting the route of the South Island Main Trunk, travelled in a closed car on a wet day, is declared false. "I was with Mr. Taverner, and it was a beautiful day," said Mr. Healy. So beautiful, perhaps, that there was a mirage. Those who visited the art exhibition were each invited to record votes for the picture they considered the best. The most votes were given to the highestpriced picture on the walls. I hope the artists will not be too impressed by this coincidence, for if they are we may find every picture next year has a huge price on it.

The Kirikopuni railway, in Mr. Coates' electorate is said to have cost over £70,000 a mile. I suggest that the Publicity Office see that signposts are erected at each end of the £60,000-a-mile section. It would please tlie tourists, especially the Americans, to know just how expensive was the railway over which they were travelling.

"The Acting-Premier of New South Wales stated that the Government proposed to reduce taxation next year." This must have come as a surprise to New South Wales taxpayers, who are well accustomed to taxes being increased, but their surprise was as nothing to the astonishment they will feel if the Government carries out its proposal.

New Zealand publicity officers hold the opinion that the publicity films of the future must be "talkies," or, at the least, sound-synchronised. It may not be an easy task. The noise from one of New Zealand's splendid piggeries, of course, should be easily reproduced, although foreigners might not be impressed, but what would Mount Cook have to say for itself?

The defeat of the Reform Government, a Reformer has explained', came because it had not the trade, or the prohibitionists, or the wowsers, or the sports, or the banks on its side. It is true that no Government could have all these sections on its side, but if tho Reformers lost the support of every one they must be judged as (a) bad administrators, or (b) bad politicians, or (c) both.

The Wairarapa farmers are asking the Research Department "to arrange for a mass attack of scientists on the most important problem in the sheep industry, mortality in hoggets. There is magic in the word "scientist," but I think the Wairarapa farmers would be astonished if all those who rightly call themselves scientists were to launch a "mass attack." The army would, no doubt be headed by an astronomer with a telescope, with which, presently, he would descry an animal, which, having been caught, would be proved by a zoologist to be a sheep, and by a biologist to be a hogget. The task thus being well started, the veterinarians, the bacteriologists and the epidemiologists could carry on, with a few statisticians to record their findings.

THE DISCRIMINATING "COCKIE."

Mr. Jenkins, M.P., jn a speech in the House expressed the opinion that the Government should reimpose the income

tax on farmers,

Mr. F. Langstone (Waimarino): "The Rockies' won't like that."

The "cockle" is a pleasant bloke we ' all delight to please, He's made New Zealand famous with his butterfat and cheese; Financiers would try in vain to keep our coffers full Unless the farmer did his bit with meat and wheat and wool. "The backbone of the country" — vide headings in the Press— The primary producer is essential to success, The politician knows it, and I'm game to bet a hat He's worried when you tell him: "Ah, The 'cockies' won't like that." Supposing there's a "crook" idea that someone wants to boOst, And Parliament is qilite disturbed by all the talk that's loosed; Some ill-digested platitudes may represent the views Of amateur economists who haven't much to lose; But once they try the acid test so all may understand, And raise the cry, "Hey, what about the man upon the land?" Hot air is cooled, and Hansard scribes revere the diplomat Who passed the whisper round the House: "The 'cockies' won't like that." The "cockie's" tastes are simple though they run a bit to seed; He doesn't like a rabbit and he hates a noxious weed; He's not too fond of mortgages; his sense of beauty lacks A nice appreciation of the Land and Income Tax. To city life he is averse—no "madding crowd" for him; The milk that tinkles in the pail fills pleasure to the brim; And in his calm philosophy the bloke /'has got a rat" Who writes a lot of silly verse— The "cockies" don't like that.

What does the "cockie" lik6? Ha, ha! Just what I want to know. I've spent some anxious moments round about the Winter Show. The groups of agriculturists who patronised each- booth Were happiest when joining in the gleeful games of youth; And theorists who still affirm that hardy sons of toil Spend melancholic lives as slaves of the reluctant soil Should see the wads of notes! Gee whiz! I'll, bet they'd "whip the cat." Divide the spoil? No, no! What rot I The "cockles" won't like that. — E. A.