THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LX, Issue 139, 14 June 1929, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TUWM WHO'S WHO IN HISTORY. Presuming that each En Zed lad is very learned and knows his History of Edward IV. and Battles of the Roses, There may be jnany of those days his memory will be taxed on, Among them being a printer maj named Mr. William Caxton. Old Bill (a hosier) to Flanders went and there spent several winters, Mixing a lot with brainy lads (most of them being printers). The poor, saps of Bill's day were not upon his mental level, Indeed they seemed to think that lie was sold unto the devil. We owe to William Caxton more than any king on earth, So when you see a bit of print praise Bill for all you're worth! He brought the greatest art there is to England, and since then Freedom has flourished hand in hand with printing and the pen. Two men exhibiting all the outward signs of impeccable respectability emerged from a, local liotel (regarded with affection by a highclass clientele) andwalkTHE MISSING CAR, ed to a motor car standing at the korb. One opened the door for the .other, and tlicy both got in. The one who got in last said, "You drive," and the other who got in first said, "No, you drive!" And so they drove away. Sopie minutes elapsed, and No. 1 said to No. 2, "Nice little car of yours." And No. 2 said, "Mine? It isn't my car, isn't it yours?" Good heavens, no! I thought it was yours. We've pinched somebody else's car!" Outpide the hotel camo a man who regarded the empty kerb with every indication of surprise and anger. To a bystander he said, "Did you see anybody take a car from here?" "Yes, I saw two men come out of the hotel and drive away in it." The citizen was wroth. "The blighters! The thieves!" (and so on). The bystander mentioned casually that he didn't think they were blighters or thieves. Indeed, he said, they looked highly respectable and not at all like men who would "convert a car to their own use." And just as he was saying so the car with the two surprised friends drove up. The real owner rushed to his car with glad but angry cries. • Two rather crestfallen men explained, apologised, and there was a laughing quartet. "Well, what about it?" asked the owner of the car. "No, let me do it!" chorused the "thieves." And the four men disappeared.

That hearty and intimate personal touch redolent of pioneering flays when social distinctions were less arbitary than now still animates portions of New THE Zealand. This cheering HOMELY TOUCH. item comes from Motueka: "Mr. Bill Brislane, of Dovedale, was again in town the other day with his second instalment of flue-cured tobacco leaf—a beautiful leinon colour—whicli realised top prices on the local market. 'Not cow tucker, as a cove remarked up yonder.' said Bill as he pushed his frame inside our office, 'but the real dinkum stuff grown in the back of beyond.' A sample left at this office bears out Bill's pungent remarks." Dear M.A.T., —Your par re 1.5.0. and 0.8. E. reminds me that in the dark ages we were wont to construe C.M.G. as "Colonialmade Gentleman." Re UPPER CLASSES. 0.8. E., the scene lies under the spreading chestnut tree outside the village Ritz. Two gaffers are clinking cannikins frothing with the local blushful hippocrene, First actor: "Y'eard about Squire Garge?" Second actor: "Naow, Job." First actor: "'E be 0.8. E., 'e be," Second actor: "Oh, be 'e?"—O.B.U, Talking of compelling advertisement, a gentleman who lived in Whangarei ten, twenty, thirty, forty, forty-five years ago mentioned the case of a talented MERRY-GO-ROUND. Frenchman, who made with his own hands out of puriri a complete merry-go-round, horses aiul all. It was an exceptional piece of work, though small, and Whangarei had never before had a merry-go-round. The prevailing genius of the local Press was called upon by the French gentleman to aid him by inventing and publishing an attractive advertisement, the merry-go-round being part of the local show. He wrote the requisite matter, and in reference to the new device entreated the people to patronise the "Cumangethegutshake." The people were tickled and came in droves. The French inventor, full of. money and gratitude, went to the journalist with tears of thankfulness in his eyes. "Sank you ver mooch, Mistaire Printer, for your so magnifique advertissement. It is a gr-r-reat word you make. She bring all zee people from—rvot you call ze backblock —and zey laugh, ah, ma foi, 'ow zey laugh!" By the way, the inventor supplied the motive power for his puriri machine by the aid of two powerful Swiss.

All Dickensians have heard of Lant Street, where the immortal medical students hung out, but rarely paid the landlady in "Pickwick." In Lant Street LANT STREET, nowadays there. is a remarkable Dickens school to commemorate the only unforgettable British author. New Zealand bowlers are all presumably Dickens students. When the team was in Newport, Wales, they were entertained at the school there which is as near as possible a facsimile of the Lant Street one. In so populous a school it was impossible to avoid giving a Maori liaka. The smaller children were pot at first included in this entertainment, but were permitted to enter at the request of the visitors. They swarmed in and sat on every point of vantage, including the cupboards. One of the bowlers tells M.A.T, that the little Welsh lads were much more frightened of the haka artists and their war cry than the Welsh footballers were of the All Blacks, but it did not prevent the assembled Cymriaus from singing magnificently. The New Zealanders were billed to play bowls in the vicinity. As they were filing out amon'? the pupils a boy stepped out and spoke to Mr! Airey, secretary of the bowlers. Mr. Airey stooped down, and the lad put his arms round his neck and sfiid, in a whisper, "I hope you win, sir I" Few people who are not councillors understand the ■ difficulties of the position. Councillors wives are frequently as keen as councillors themselves in local bodv THE C °UNCIL matters. It is the custom MEETING, in a suburban body tc . , _ „ P os t to each member the mmutes of the last meeting. The wife of a new councillor, scanning these minutes, accused gently • Jim, you. told me you wore goiii fr to the council meeting on Friday. You didn't go! Oh yes, I did," he said. "Well, your name is not on the list.",. "It must have been a, clerical error; just ring up Councillor X.— lie 11 tell you I was there." "Ring up Mr X 1 Oh, he'd say anything!" Councillor X., behioapprised of the situation, to further tlie ioke rang up the new councillor's wife after a succeeding meeting, mentioning that her husband's apology for absence had been accepted." Tlie simple fact is that the councillor attended both meetings. ' THE CHILD MIND. Sixth Standard boys are often bright. A school teacher was recently giving the class «wT le P e ,°P les of other times and askid, What do yoiiaknow about the Phoenicians?" And the bright youth replied, "They were the people who invented blinds to keep the suu out. x