THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LX, Issue 112, 14 May 1929, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) It is highly regrettable that a parent should enter a bathroom to find his small son, who has not yet reached ten years of age, under the influence of SHOCKING EXAMPLE, ardent spirits. "Erro, dad," lie hiccoughed, "waraboutanother ?" He leaned against the bath and smiled faintly. The stern parents, hitherto perfect strangers to intoxication in any form, hurried the lad into the open air, thus restoring him to sobriety, and investigated the bathroom for damning evidence of his downfall. His little automatic boat was still floating gallantly on the wave. The power is supplied by solidified methylated spirits. The tablets are burnt in the vessel to supply the power. The young inebriate had closed the window and the door so that the flame would burn steadily, and had" leaned closely over his new toy, unconsciously inhaling that favourite invigorator, methylated spirits. At the moment his father entered he asked, "Waraboutanother tablet?" It may cheer the informant parent to know that intoxication is frequently achieved indirectly. For instance, M.A.T. has seen a Scotch prohibitionist emerging from an empty wine vat trolling ribald songs after spending an hour or so scrubbing the same. Officials of Christchurch S.P.C.A. complain that the lethal chamber for stray dogs is so small that it is difficult to squeeze even a single dog in. They furHOPE ON, ther repine that, having HOPE EVER, squeezed one in, he was found alive after fifteen minutes' lethal treatment and was then officially drowned. This unpleasant story recalledto the mind of M.A.T. an old gentleman who has since passed along. "There's plenty 'of homes for old fellows like me," he complained, "but I never saw a lethal chamber in any of 'em. When a dog is a burden to himself, broken down and useless, he's put out of his misery quick and lively. An old bloke like me has outlived his generation. His relatives do not exactly hate him, but they don't want him. Why should they? If I was to go to the authorities and ask them to treat me as kindly as they do the dogs they wouldn't do it. A fellow wanders about the earth wanting to leave it and there's no one to catch him with a wire on a stick and take him to the destruction department." M.A.T. felt sorry for the old chap. As he left, the old gentleman said: "Nice day for the football match, isn't it? I'm going to barrack for Auckland this afternoon!" And it recalled memories of a savage race across the water. Grandfather being 'too old to .travel, with the tribe and being in short a mouth without hands, the heads of the tribe hold a consultation and one is told off with a tomahawk to bid the old fellow good-bye. Before the fareweller performs his duty he weeps copiously and says farewell. Then, his duty being clone, he moves off with the tribe to the new hunting grounds. The following, written with a burnt match on the back of old envelopes and signed "Mac," is printed without prejudice: An Aucklander who has just returned ABERDEEN AGAIN, from a trip to the Old Country is telling a new one about Aberdeen. The granite town was quite new to him, and, after"wandering round, to use his own expression, he got "bushed. Addressing a man who looked a native, the Aucklander said, "Pardon me, but I appear to be lost. Could you put me right?" The Aberdonian considered a few minutes and then asked, "Would there be a reward out for ye?" "Oh, good Lord, no!" replied the visitor in surprise. The answer was brief and in the best traditions of Aberdeen, "Then vc are still lost!" Frank walked into M.A.T.'s sanctum sanctorum this morning and asked, "Do you observe that I wear tan boots, fancy-coloured socks, a bright tie and GLAD RAGS. have a red stripe in the material of my suit?" "I do!" "Well, there's a psychological reason for that," he said. And here it is. Frank has been the victim of a number of accidents and has had several narrow escapes from death. He narrowly escaped death from poisoning, twice from drowning, once from the overturning of a loaded timber wagon, and another time from the premature discharge of a fowlingpiece. He was an eye-witness of a shootingaffray between some drunken sailors in which some killing was done and heard a revolver bullet sing past his ear. He risked German bomb, bullet and bayonet, but still kept smiling. However, two years ago the doctors told him he was suffering from an incurable disease, but he fought his way from a dangerous to a more favourable state of health and then last winter went down with pneumonic influenza. That wasn't the end of the series, but he felt a bit more serious about things. It was when he was recovering from the last illness that he went in for glad fags, just to have a bit of brightness about himself and so that when he felt depressed and done he could see red when he looked clown. Yes, Frank believes in brighter boots. An ex-Scoutmaster has been prosecuted and fined for wearing a.uniform he possessed before he was ex. It appears that any part of the King's uniform is THE uniform within the meanKING'S UNIFORM, ing- of the Act. As hundreds of men in New Zealand wear parts of military uniforms' in civilian life, what a revenue to the State if the police get busy among the military overcoats actually sold by the Government to civilians, and military trousers worn by dad, grandpa and the boy in every part of New Zealand! There were no prosecutions under this Act when police officers during war time assumed regulation khaki in order that they might disguise the fact they were policemen. Actors frequently appear on the stage attired in military uniform, presumably true to regulation pattern. Close examination will show that they are varied in order that the police shall not raid the stage and bear shrieking colonels and weeping majors away to a deep, dark and damp dungeon. M.A.T. intends to tell a small girl "Brownie" of his acquaintance to be very, very careful how, when and where she wears that uniform of hers if she wants to remain outside Mount Eden. Mentioned in the cabled news that a German zeppelin will carry a mixed freight "including a grand piano and two gorillas." The Germans may have ARE WE RELATED? found some way of capturing gorillas, for it has heretofore always been agreed that these fearful Simian people who live in one small region alone of Africa can never be taken alive. Baby gorillas have been taken alive when the parents have been murdered by sportsmen, who have admitted that to shoot a mother gorilla seems as much like assassination as to shoot a human mother. Baby gorillas taken to zoos have invariably died, almost always of consumption. There is in Melbourne a reproduction of Fremiet's world-famous statue of a gorilla and a woman. The gigantic beast whose power is unthinkable in terms of humanity is seen carrying a black woman away. It has created world-wide discussion as to the relation of the* Simian and human people. It is, however, agreed by all authorities that no adult gorilla has ever been captured and that no immature gorilla has survived ia captivity.