POLITICAL QUIPS.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 262, 5 November 1928, Page 11

POLITICAL QUIPS.

FROM VARIOUS PLATFORMS.

LIGHTER SIDE OF POLITICS.

"STRAWBERRY WON 'EM."

"Here are some Reform advertisements, 1928 pattern," said Mr. J. A. Lee, j Labour candidate for Auckland East, I speaking at Airedale Street, on Saturday niglit. "This one lias a picture of Mount Egmont, and there is a cow in the corner. While admitting the courage of I Reform, I want to suggest that Egmont was wrought by the magic naiid of Providence. I even go so far as to suggest that it would still be there if Reform were to be defeated! It was there before Reform ascended to the Treasury benches. (Laughter.) As for the cow, it reminds me of a story concerning a candidate for political honours," concluded Mr. Lee. "That candidate appeared on the platform with his coat decorated with medals. When asked how he acquired the medals, the candidate replied, with some pride, 'Strawberry won "em in the show."' Air. Lee added that he had told this story in Hamilton about a week before. On his way home a friend had informed him that one of the rival candidates had his committee-room windows decorated with the trophies of Brindle and Buttercup. Thus the story had acquired local colour. (Laughter and applause.) A CONFIDENT CANDIDATE. Mr. A. Harris, Independent Reform candidate for Waitemata, certainly does not lack confidence in himself. At one of his meetings last week he declared that he would be representing the electorate for another 17 years, and on Saturday he went so far as to hazard an estimate of the probable number of votes which will be recorded on Wednesday week. A question on the subject 3f preferential voting asked him whether, in the event of his two opponents (Mr. Greville and Mr. Osborne) leceiving 4000 votes each, and himself 4001, he would think it right that he should be elected. Mr. Harris refused to take the question seriously, and said that when the numbers went up, the scoreboard would show 7000 for Harris and possibly 2000 and 1000 respectively for the other two candidates. TAX ON BACHELORS. "Do you believe In a tax on bachelors?" This old, old question was flung at Sir James Gunson, for no apparent reason, at an Avondale meeting the other day. Sir James 'said he did not. Young men, he thought, should be allowed to accumulate as much money as possible, with a view to matrimony. "If they are not allowed to build up their financial resources, what will become of our young women?" (Laughter and applause.) WHAT'S IN A DREAM? Laughter and cheers greeted Mr. A, J. Stall worthy's narration of the dream of a newspaper reporter at his Dominion Road meeting. "It was all so realistic," the journalist had said. "I dreamt that Sir Joseph Ward swept the polls,, and that the only two Reform members returned were the Prime Minister and the Hon. K. S. Williams. Both had crippled majorities. In my dream I was speaking to the Prime Minister, and he was almost in tears!" INVITATION FROM LABOUR. When Sir James Gunson, Reform candidate for Auckland Suburbs, mentioned at his Hobsonville meeting that he proposed to visit the local brickworks, a male voice asked sarcastically, "Why don't you visit the aerodrome?" ! The candidate said he regarded this as an invitation from the workers, which he was only too happy to accept. He would be only too pleased to visit the 70 workers at the aerodrome next Monday afternoon, as he realised that the Reform party had always received support from working men. (Applause.) BETTER RIGHT TO-DAY. "You say you are in favour of pensions for the blind," said a lady at Mr. T. M. Wilford's meeting at Lower Hutt. "Then why did you vote against it in Parliament ?" "I did not. If the chairman will read this copy of 'Hansard' he will see my vote recorded for pensions for the blind," replied Mr. Wilford. "Oh, it pays you to change your mind," retorted the lady. "My dear lady," said Mr. Wilford, "I'd rather be right to-day than have been wrong yesterday." "WOMEN, INDEED!" Addressing a women's meeting at Oriental Bay, Wellington, Mrs. Margaret Young, Independent Labour candidate for Wellington Central, said that she was very much up against the heads of the Labour party, "or what they call their heads," and always had been. She saw the chance to stand for Wellington Central, in which electorate she lived, and thought, "Well, if I don't get any other vote, I'll get my own." Mrs. Young was reminded of the number of women in the Labour ranks, and asked if she had met any of them. "To my sorrow, I have," she replied. "Women, indeed" A questioner asserted that women could express themselves through the Labour movement. They could sympathise with Mrs. Young, but at the same time think that she could be very much mistaken. Mrs. Young: What is your name? The Questioner: Mrs. Devanny. "That's sufficient for me," returned the candidate. Mrs. Young explained that she was working very much on her own, and because of the late announcement of her candidature had had difficulty in getting halls. A Voice: You'll get on all right. In keeping with the character of the whole proceedings, the meeting ended rather indefinitely, but Mrs. Young remained for some time talking informally to the ladies, and she told them she did not expect to be at the top of the poll; in fact, very much at the bottom. She did not expect to beat Peter Fraser, but she had come into the arena to give women a start.

THE QUIET WORD. "You know my opponents have had some men going round from door to door," remarked Mr. R. McKeen, Labour candidate for Wellington South. "They have been telling people that this McKeen is not a bad sort of chap, but if the Labour party gets into power it will be a disaster, and our social and other institutions will come crash. If conditions could I become any worse than they are now, well, I aay, *Qod help us.'"

EVERY MAN A CAPITALIST.

"While the party I am opposed to is down on capitalism, I should like to see every man a capitalist," said Mr. T. M. Wilford, United party candidate for Hutt. Mr. Wilford expressed himself as averse from the dead level of Socialism and the monotony of equality. The only man in the world, he said, who really craved for equality was the man below the average. "Hitch your wagon to a star," was his advice.

"A CORN ON EVERY TOE."

"Mr. Fraser, my opponent, evidently enjoys stepping on the platform and directing a hymn of hate against the Reform party, but when I make reference to the two-edged sword the Labour leaders are playing with, namely, the published manifesto and the secret platform, they recoil like the sensitive plant of the East," declared Mr. Dunbar Sloane (Reform) at Newtown. "In fact, to use an old expression, they are as sensitive as a centipede with a corn on every toe."