THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 174, 25 July 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

TOM HEENEY. Tom Heeney is a citizen Of credit and renown. * A hefty fighter eke is he Of famous Gisborne Town. At tender age Tom's father taught Young Tom his fists to use. So Tom grew up, to think he ought Some other chap to bruise. Tom left En Zed the Huns to fight. And then to London Town To light some other pugs, who might Be looking for renown. Tom hit 'em hard. Tom fought 'em fair. Of punishment he took his share. By honest graft he earned the right The heavy champion to fight! The gauntlet's down ! Defiance hurled At Tunney. champion of the world. So Tom will soon inside the ropes Carry our great Empire's hopes. Win or lose it's just the same. Tom will always play the game. Hurrah ! As champion you return With honours you did fairly ejfn ! But if beaten you have done" yoilr best. We welcome you with equal zist. Kia ora, Tom. of Gisborne Town, A man of credit and renown. —H.W.W. Dear M.A.T., —As a family man you ought to know a bit about the cost of living, more especially on pay days! Compare prices in the 'sixties with those GOOD OLD DAYS, current to-day and you will find that the good wife paid (or ought to have done so) for beef lOd to 1/1, mutton lOd, pork 9d, fresh butter 1/6, colonial cheese 1/3 (it looks as if some cheese was imported from England). Apparently we did not then aspire to be the dairy farm of the Empire in addition to being God's Own Country. Bacon and ham 1/6, potatoes bread (21b loaf) od, flour 19/ 1001b, and so on. These prices seem almost on a par with to-day. There was no delivery. Take your sugar bag and get your tucker! No mention is made of the more necessary commodities—tobacco and beer! So one can venture no accurate opinion as to how far your pocket money would go in those far-off days. Which is a pity.—Wirihana. An American man the other day mentioned, very likely "winking the other eye," that if an American saw a horse in these days of automobiles he stared "GET UP, after it in astonishment. DARKIE!" Yet innumerable American farm papers ooze pictures of every kind of horse, America has some of the best mounted cavalry regiments in the world, and tens of thousands of fine draught horses still pull ploughs. MajorGeneral Young, of Xew Zealand, although he gallantly mentioned that New Zealand troop horses are the best (and it's true) "fears the poor old .horse is doomed." He may go out into Auckland streets and count hundreds in an hour or two, and in the urban areas the old prad is pushing his weight wonderfully. Any Xew Zealander who pretends the horse is doomed might take a stroll out to a racecourse or two, or examine the sporting section of a newspaper. Again, knowing that Xew Zealand was "made" by horses and that we have exceedingly fine animals because of their best British blood, the pessimist who is too soon weeping over Darkie's grave might see some British agricultural shows, glance at a couple of thousand Clydesdales, go to Ireland (where they breed thousands of hunters every year) or stay in Xew Zealand, where the love for horses is so strong, and in which there may be a great revival of breeding. Xobody loves a motor, not even a pedestrian. The Jennings case in Chancery which, i being at last settled, will result in sharing the stupendous sum of £53,000,000 among forty-five claimants is the JARNDYCE case which Charles Dickens V. JARNDYCE. "ended" in "Bleak House." The intensely fascinating history of the two wards in Chancery shows that through the generations this case had dragged its interminable way. Dickens emphasised the hopelessness of the dreadful proceedings, the madness, despair and death that came in the pursuit, and the shocking heartlessness of lawyers (including the fish-cold Vholes) who, lured the ward, Richard, to continue his hopeless action. Richard, as you know, worn to death, dies of consumption. The description of the last day of the Chancerv suit is extraordinarily vivid. In the Court all the lawyers, the officials and the habitues are making merrv. The tons of accumulated documents are carried into Court and banged down and carted out for burning. The whole estate has been dissipated in costs! Conan Doyle the other dav said he had had a yarn with Dickens. Wonder if the immortal Charles knows that Jarndyce v. Jarndvce, after paying costs, will give to a new generation of Bleak Householders the trifle of £53,000,000? By the -way, do any of you Dickensians remember poor Miss Flite, also a victim of Chancerv, releasing her birds when the case ended?

'"Mate of the Nancy Lee" exclaims: Charges of cannibalism made against the Arctic explorers are creating interest in Europe. As a matter of LONG PIG. necessity, men have often eaten men. Those of us who have Maori blood admit that very likely we would not be here now but for the nourishing qualities of "long pig." There is on record the case of a Kanaka who boasted that he had white blood in his veins, basing his claim on the fact that his ancestors had helped to eat Captain Cook. Sea literature abounds with tales of starving castaways devouring each other, including W. S. Gilbert's sailor man, who was the entire crew of the Vancv Lee, and there was (perhaps still is) a quartermaster on a transatlantic liner who was one of three survivors from a wreck, and who helped to eat the unlucky third man. Perhaps the best tale is an ancient favourite of sailors when the subject crops up in the fo'c'sle. A party of shipwrecked mariners, adrift in an open boat without food, drew lots for sacrifice. "Chips," the carpenter, a man noted for his fondness for good living, was the unluckv one, and from his remains the cook dished up a very savoury dish. Half-way through the meal, however, one of the sailors dropped his plate and burst into tears. Asked what was the matter, he sobbed out: '"It just struck me how poor old Chips would enjoy this if he were here."

An Auckland family is about to depart for England, and is disposing of its possessions. The small daughter had a large and handsome doll which she was willing THE CHILD MIND, to part with for a cash consideration, mentioning the fact among her schoolfellows. One little girl, covetous to possess the doll, asked the owner how much she required for it, and the little girl instantly replied, "Four pounds." The potential purchaser looked disappointed, but visited the departing child to view the doll. "I haven't got four pounds," she told the seller. "I've only got fourteen-and-six." "Oh, that will do!" exclaimed the business woman, and the bargain was made. CHAOTICS. Very likely you did not solve "M.R.K.'s" Chaotic of yesterday. So here it is: Bluerpanic Republican. And from the same source as an exercise in philological calisthenics: Utirosaec&n. Light as airl ,