IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 171, 21 July 1928, Page 2 (Supplement)

IN MERRIER MOOD

P**T TP For the beat anecdote «ent in each week a prize of ' J » Five Shillings will be awarded. While in judging ■ i " HffflßiD JOY preference will be given to local stories, contribuj arain'M R.r»o* tiona need not be original, but in all cases th« I H ' JDCSI source from which taken should be stated. The H StOTV Editor's decision must be regarded as final All j I _ J anecdotes intended for competition must be g received at this office by the Monday preceding B s publication. The envelopes containing contributions must I HI ba endorsed with the words "Anecdote" in the top lefi-hand | comer, and addressed Editor, "The Auckland Star," Auckland B | j 1

m HQ 111 in EM 13sa M The prize this week goes to Edgar Lawson, "Durande." Calgary Street. Mount Eden, for j JACK HIGH. > A Maori called at the store one day to purchase a hat. After looking at a great number, and not attempting to try any on, the salesman said: "What size do you take" Hone looked surprised, and then said: "By gorrie, I don't know, but what size you take?" The salesman replied that he wore size 6 7-8. After thinking for a while the Maori said: "I think I trv nine, ton. jack, eh?"' j J j WONDERFUL LONDON. ! The old man, on his lirst visit to Lonjdon, was greatly interested in all he | saw. Stopping at. a street corner to 'light his pipe, he was acco-ted by a bov ; with, "Matrhe-. -irTaking a box from the boy, he struck a match, lishted his pipe, and returned the bos, savin?: "Aye, it's a wonderful place. London! Everything that handy!"' TOOK IT TO HEART. The teacher was explaining to his class that letters such as MM, LL. etc., should be read as double M. double L. etc. Soon afterwards one of the bovs was asked to read a verse from a poem, the first line of which read: "Up, up, my love, the sun is shining"; but the boy, taking the lesson to heart, explained in j a loud coice, '-Double up, mv love, the j sun is shinirg."' A SAD BLOW, The boy scout suddenly remembered that he had neglected to perform his daily good deed. So he approached an old lady who stood on the pavement. "May I accompany you across the I busy street, ma'am ?" he asked. "Why, of course you can, my p.>or little fellow." beamed the old .adv. "'How long have you been waiting for somebody to take you across?" | A DISTINCTION. Au old Xegro' woman in attendance upon the Monday morning Police Court was slumped in her chair, her head resting dejectedly upon one hand. "Well, Mammy," suggested a compassionate lawyer, observing her, '"have you been fighting asain?" "Xo, sah," promptly came her indignant denial. ''Xo, &ah, I ain't been lishtin\ I been fit." AN EYE TO BUSINESS. A young doctor, whose practice was not very great, sat in his study reading away a lazy afternoon. Bis manservant appeared at the door. "Doctor, them boys is steaiin' vour little green apples again. Shall I chase them away?" Ihe doctor looked thoughtful for a moment, then levelled his "eve- at the servant. "Xo,"' he said. HIS GAME. two men were seated in ;i railway carrage. As a< the train started one got up and opened the window. After a few moments the other shut it. The first man immediately rose and oneued it once more. "What do you think yon are playing at?" angrily demanded the man who'had shut the window. ' Draughts.' said hi- companion sweetly. "Your move." THE MISSING LINK. A North Country labourer went into! a confectioner's shop and purchased al sausage roll. j When he had taken his first bite he! turned to the lady of the shoo and said: I "Eh. mis s us. wher<='s t" snusase':" j "< Mi.' she replied, "iha hesn't set ten to j it yet." " | A tier another bite the man turned to tin- woman. "Ah say, missis." he said, "where'a t' sausage nah':" "Nay, tha elum«y beggar,'" she replied, "ilia's gotten' past it nah." HIS CERTIFICATE. Bobbie's report from sliced wa- \erv bad one. Tli< father was oonnoentms on it with feelins. "You oueht to~ be ashamed of your.-elf." "<ni<l. -See what a lot of prizes your sister has sot. and you haven't even earned a certificate."' "Oh. I s>>t a certificate one.', dad." replied Bobbie. "Indeed, what f.>r T should like to : know '• exclaimed hi- father. "For being born." r was ri . laconic reply HIS MISTAKE. 1 r .MaeTa\ish ha.l worked haid to put his boy Sar.cfy through medieal : -ehool. When Sandy sraduate.l nnd returned home, the old doctor lire..,! his ; practice over tu the boy and : --k :• wellearned vacation. Upon his return he was ;ivoted !i\Sandy at the station. vho said: "Father, I've made some marvellous eitres. I even cured Mr*. Ma -e-resov's -tomaeh trouble tr'ur v...;j J.,vl her fur four year-." ft hat: exclaimed r ]ie old do'" - : '■* "I'll have you to know that Mr?. MaeO*-. -.-r's •stomach put you ♦hroush c- " •

IH3 EHiffi EUSi 808 ij • * "Hae ye sot any food wi' ye, Dou»aJf J ~ asked An.sus, "Ave a bottle of whisky. What hit you. Angus':"' ; "Dried tongue." ' ' "Guid! Then we'll gae halves wf oor L : proveesions." [ ! The whisky was du'.y divided and ' j drunk. Angus wiped his lips. | "Xow for your dried tongue," said I Dougal. "Mon,' sari Angus; '"it's no drv the | noo'."' i , [ | The millionaire was explaining his new ; bathroom to a friend. j "You don't have your bath in the bathroom.' he said. "iou just touch a but- , ton and the Kath. already filled, runs i into the bedroom <jii ti;u-e two small ; line-. It i- much warmer and more ' ; comfortable. Ler, me shew von. It's • as simple a- anything." ■ i He pressed the button, whereupon the L , bath glide<l in full el water, and, to his [ dismay, his \\ ifc 1 The famous professional footballer's : wife and child paused outside the . • window of a la-liionable. .-tore. The • little girl contemplated all the things in ' j the window, then turned suddenly to her ' I mother. ' ! "Ob, mummy." she cried. "I'd love to :! have that big do;! in the centre." | '"But, Doris, dear," her mother nro'J tested. "J. can't possibly yfiord five | i pounds for a doll." M "Why not':" retorted Doris. "We j could sell daddy again for five thousand." I _____ ■ I An Iri-hman was searching the 1 I countryside for work. ITe had no lack 1 j until he came to a blacksmith's shop. I where the smith was very busy, and ' ! asked him if he would care for a'job. i "I should think so; just trv me." rei plied the Irishman. The blacksmith told j him to start right away and get the ' | sledgehammer. i . '"Now." said the smith. "I'll take this ! bar of iron from the tire and place it on ! the anvil, and when I r.od my head hit it j hard." The- Irishman, who wished, to make a ! good impression, used ail his strength. The poor smith did not nod again for a ' long time.

—"Ta;ier" (London \ ■ Why the Apostles Did Not Shoot. i A clergyman out for a walk with his | dop aud bis irun met a parishioner whom ho knew. "I hope.'" said the j clergyman, "you are still attending ! ohurc-h reirularly, and reading your j Bible." "Indeed. 1' road my Bible most i caretally." ts? the reply, "but I see no j rc-ierenoe t«-« the A nestle? having gone I out shooting.'" "No." --aid the clergyman. "The shooting in Pale-tine was ' very bad. They went lishing instead." Had None. Mickey oamc ii'.'iDc frvi. school snif- : liinjr. "You\e ".--en licked," said his "I ain't." .Mi. key. "There was a I >to«or at i"oi this niorniu' examined : us. and he ra'.d I had ad"k.dds. v "l'h.-.atS t'ai.si : his mother, i 4 'l iioy're ililr.u- in yo.;.- head as has ; io be taken out." a:: s \\ered Ml.-key. "ItS> a dom li.-." ai;_'ri!y exploded the . mother. "I've tim> -0.-uii -ed yine head ; ivry Saturday nijht. and niver ad-noid did J :ind." All He Knew. A*, the t A.u-.iina • ion of pupils ia a school a fh-Tt tirue nzo, the inspector put que-tioms at random to the scholars. .Among the latt.r was a red-headed lad. •vh'j. on being asked how many days : there fire in a year, at.-wered "Seven." hfii the tittcriiiLf of the re.-t of the : eln-s ?iib-;ded. the inspector remarked: "f ?a:d a year, not a week. Now try again. How many days are there in a A J -'-' apneired mmplussod and v e\'->d for a mceni'nt. and then ejaculated: _ ".M.-nday, Tn -day. Wednesday. Thur=7 • tr'.dny. iusr .= C-V.--Tl. if rh.-;-.'"s , I Li'.'V