THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 96, 24 April 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

'"Mrs. M." writes: My husband sat at tlic table filling in a "Star" coupon for accident insurance. "What's Daddy doing, Mum,"

asked niv third, who is THE CHILD MIND, nine years old. "Filling

in an insurance coupon, Gerald," I said. ' What's insurance coupon, Dad?" "Well, if I get killed Mum, you and + ' - others will get some hundreds, possibly a thousand. "My word, what a lot of raonev, Mum, what shall we spend it on?" said niv innocent darling.

Dear M.A.T., —At the 'Mum Show last week the Governor-General is reported to have said he believed that "chrvsantlicmum" was

the only word in the MUM'S THE WORD. English language to which there was uo rhyme. Well, how's this, umpire? What?

Of nil tlic ships that ran the rum. To quench the thirst of Yankcydom, None bent ye olde Chrysanthemum. Her skipper's name was "Swankey Tom," He died worth quite a fancy sum. Blow the saxo', ban? the drum (Ruinpty-iddity. tanty-tum !). Here's to Ye Olde Chrysanthemum! —CJ.L.I\

Many bottle-oh gentlemen, with a sideline in rags, in their peregrinations from house to house adopt a breezy manner, hoping that a light-hearted method of NO BOTTLES. address will produce the

best results. And one of these chevaliers of industry lately did an aristocratic suburb where people dress for dinner and hire labour to mow the lawn. Such a chevalier knocked loudly at the door of a chic house, and the maid, being far from the door, the mistress of the mansion herself answered the knock. Thus the knockei greeted her: "Well, mother, any bottles or rags to-day ?" The lady resented the somewhat obtrusive nature of the merchant's addres«. particularly as there are no children in the household and as she is not at all desirous of adopting the free-spoken merchant with the unshorn chin. And, of course, there were no bottles.

THE CRAVEN. Once upon a midnight dreary, while I wrestled

weak and weary. Subbing countless reams of copy, most of which strewed all the floor. Suddenly there came a rapping as of candidates a-tapping. Tapping at my chamber door, only this and nothing more.

Ah, distinctly I remember it was just before November. And the aspirants for honours on the Parliamentary shore Had been blatantly beguiling the long evenings by reviling— Their opponents in a manner heard for years and years a bore! Thdugh. of course, the bored electors heard this painful stuff before. Suddenly my soul grew stronger, hesitating then no longer, "Sir," said I. "or madam truly, your forgiveness I implore, But the fact is I was subbing, and so softly you came rubbing. Rubbing at my office door, that I scarce was sure I heard you." Here I opened wide the door. Charladv, and nothing more!

Thank goodness the supply of politicians for New Zealand is not likely to run short, for babies in prams lisp of divisions and little

school children prattle of JOHN DYNAMITE, elections. And in a Raglan family there are a girl of ten years and a brother of eight, bright, happy little Xe\y Zealanders, who possibly have heard pa talk of the great ones with a knowing familiarity, which is the prerogative of a free and enlightened proletariat! The children in argument referred freely to a notable and revered political eminent as "Joey Ward." not, of course, in disrespect, but talking with the familiarity of dyed-in-the-wool electors. It occurred to an elder to advance a vocal questionnaire, and he asked, "Who is the Prime Minister?" To which the future M.P. for Orepuipui at once replied, "Gordon!" As this is mere record of fact, one is bound respectfully to mention that when asked v.ho is the Governor-General, the little lady answered. "Charlie Fergusson." Pursuing the interesting topic of Governors-General, the boy was asked. '"What was Jellicoe at Jutland?" And the innocent youth said with immense animation. "Dynamite!"

She was fair, fat. liauglitv and fortv an*l came from Sydney—not the "bush. Auckland was her destination as far as the boat was

concerned, but she was SO THIS IS going inland. This reAUCKLAND! quired a short journey bv

rail, and as the train was due to leave for Papakura in less than five minutes no time was to be lost, especiallv when one had to juggle through the crowd with golf clubs, hand bags and a tyke on a leash. The jolly thing ran under a trollv laden with luggage, and the leash got foul of the wheel. This occasioned some delay and much indication from the fair "Aussie." Rushing up to a man with a braided peaked cap, which suggested that he was a railway official, who was busy with a paste pot and brush sticking vellow labels on various luggage, she asked him for a ticket to Pukekaura. "No, madam, yon must have mistaken the name. There is no station of that name.'' "Y\ ell, it must bo Karapaka or Pakapara. Please hurry!" The bell "went. Kakapapa then!*' "Perhaps you mean Papakura, lady?" "Yes, that's it!" The porter, who, like most New Zealand porters, was a most obliging man, handed her a yellow ticket labelled "Papakura." She got 011 the step just as the train was starting, and was amazed to find that the guard would not accept this yellow ticket for the jouruev. but demanded the cash fare, plus threepence tine! And the ignorant New Zealauders giggled. So this is Auckland!—J.F.

Lieutenant-Colonel E. ff. W. Lascelles. the New Zealauder who, subsequent to service with his own countrymen as a* non.-com. in Sou'.h

top mrNITV Africa, obtained a con.THE DIGNITY mission in a British OF "DIGGERS." cavalry regiment, is to

visit his home after many years. Long, long before the war the gallant officer was lent by the army to New Zealand to shake up the staff and others. As he was on the educational side of soldiering he shook them up with a wealth of epigram and a flow of diction that touched their hearts. It was peculiarly gratifying to an old soldier wlio once teached the position of lance-corporal to listen to him teaching colonels, majors, captain's and subalterns the art or mvsterv of di« r "iii" trenches at Mount Cook, Wellington. there is of an adhesive nature and obese colonels (who have loug been 0.8.E.'5) toiled beneawi tho whiplash of a perfectly fluent ongue. Tbey took it in good part, too, even , '!. likened his digging squad to a parcel of Chinese gardeners. It is of tragic interest that more than one gentleman in Captain Lascelles trench school afterwards fought ':i trenches far away from Mount Cook and from the sound of his voice Another cavalrv offlcer ot the day suggested mounted drill 'for the staff, a suggestion particularly obnoxious io tlio gentleman who passed "lirst in equitation"' or .New Zealand (on paper), but who had Up to that .time denied himself the pleasure of riding a horse. 1 THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY.

Never think that God's deiav- a.e <u>J - = denials. Hold oil; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius.- Savonaroh*.