IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 77, 31 March 1928, Page 2 (Supplement)

IN MERRIER MOOD

i r~ ■ Prize im for rßest Story I

■ For the beat anecdote sent ia each l__ t. _ • # I Five Shmrngs wa be awarded. Wbila in . preference will be gi-ren to local stone., eoSff J tiona need not be original, but in all *| wrnree from whicb taken should be state* "ft! Editor* decision mu.t be regarded as finaL An ■ anecdotes intended for competition most be ■ received at this office bv tk. M l _

I., m oalc * oy tbe Monday nreee.l;.- m publication. The envelopes containing I I be endorsed with Hit words "Anecdote" in the tee left u!j I corner, and addressed Editor. -'Tlie Auckland ■

The prise this week goes to Mrs. H. Derbyshire, of Drary, with: TELLING THE TRUTH. A gentleman had a cow which he wished to sell, on account of her being very unruly at millring time. He sent her to the fair with his Pat, strictly charging him to tell no lies, but to speak the truth about her. Pat returned in the evening with nearly double the sum expected for the cow. "Pat," said his master, "you've been telling lies about her." "The devil a loi, sor." "What did you say, then?" "They asked me if she was a good milker, an' I says, says I, 'It' 6 tired milkin' her yell be before you've done, sor.' That's no lies, sor." A SHINING EXAMPLE. A sharp little girl was taken to Sunday school for the first time. The teacher, noticing a little stranger remarked: 'a fancy I see a new face." Whereupon the child replied: "No, it ain't new, miss, only mother's just washed it." THE SEASONABLE SPIRIT. MacPhersra (to visitor): Could ye wi' a wee Deoch and Doris ? Visitor (thirstily): Fine, man! MacPherson: A thocht ye wad like it. A've the record here, an' all let ye have it. A COOL ONE. "Yes," said the old salt to his admiring audience, "I have sailed round the world several times, but the most wonderful voyage was the last one. Do you know we were at the equator, and the heat was intense that we took it in turns to go down in the stokehold to get cool.' A GOOD CAUSE. A pretty girl at a charity bazaar was I selling kisses for the good'of the cause at a shilling each. As an old gentleman and his wife came along, the old boy muttered that he "would like to have half a sovereign's worth for the good of the cause." His good ladv promptly took him by the arm, and steered him for the nearest exit, exclaiming: "No you don't, Henry. Charity begins at home!" OVERHEARD FROM A TYNESIDER. An American, arriving at the Central station, Newcastle-on-Tyne, inquired of a Tynesider: "What do you call this?" meaning the above station. ■"Central Station, indeed," said the American why our fish and chip saloons are larger than this." Later, passing Grey's monument, the in< l uired again what it was. • i «« v he T F ne . 3ider replied laughpg'y* that's a vinegar bottle to put in your fish and chip saloon!" EGG-SACTLY. The magician's turn at the pantomime was not going at all well, but he stuck to his task in the face of rows of people more resigned than amused. "Now," lie beamed, wiping his hands on a gaily-coloured handkerchief, "if anv l lady or gentleman can oblige me with an it Sic" WUI perform a trul - v amazing | For a second or two there was a complete silence, then from the gallerv a voice rang out loud and clear: If anybody 'ere 'ad an egg, vou'd avo ad it long ago!" DISCOURAGED. They were talking about a voung man who had just passed them in'the street. ies." said one. "he fell in love with a girl at a ?lore shop. He bought gloves every day for a week, so to discourage ;^ Htte l nlions s l ,e '*' o: *me a manicurist." Then he had his nails manicured everv day. I suppose?" remarked the other.* • Just so. But r don't think he will worry her anv more."' 'Why?" "She s found emplovment with a dentist."' SCARCELY A COMPLIMENT. Tom had gone to a neighbouring town to the football mateli, as was his custom every year. The match over, he went into a small restaurant and called for fish and chips. As he was feeding with evident enjoyment he remarked to the proprietor: "Ah wish Ah had cum 'ere last time Ah wus in town." Oh, thanks," replied the proprietor, that's very flattering." a , na ' Tom hastened to explain. What Ah mean is the fish might 'ave been a bit fresher then." THE LITTLE GREY HOLE IN MY VEST. There s a little grey hole in mv vest. It appears in the place that is'best; For a hole iii the coat or a hole in the pants Are both of the kind you can see at a glance. But you always can button your coat. And hide all defects in the vest. So here's to the moth with such knowledge of clothSuch insight is rare in a pest.

Little Tfcoegfct. Some women resemble flows*. Ww they fade, they dye. Wie * Hew Lore. A professional footballer has a. snooker champion. Another son*-?* gone to pot. Bwa ®*« Direct Route. An American has left his fotu- *» Lib lawyer. This method, of a lot of t™ that i* üßuaUr was*?!!! formalities. * 00 Safety First. A sleepwalker fell downstairs u* broke his arm. Government offidak « fcaid to be moving their amebian ta the ground floor. "ire t| Undesirables. A writer says that some eooatrin seem destined to receive as im-iwm. the worst specimens of other sating The rank and rile, so to apeak. Powerful. Jade Johnson, the negro ex-demoi™ boxer, recently preached a senna*. R u 6 f id . that th , B . deeply lmpreesed by the dim ret Win. right. Warning. Tt is pointed out that pedestrians a*, not be forced to give way to motorist* One man who stopped to point this out to a bos driver i# now eating grapes ia a recumbent position. Fortunate. In one African tribe, a person who has been divorced has a finger takta off. If the custom ever spreads t* America, some of the fihn stars will hot* difficulty in signing their contracts. Recovery. To determine whether a person is aftro or not one is told to hold a mirror fi front of the face. If it is a lady aad da sita up and powders her nose you may be sore she is all right.

A New Definition of Golf. Golf is what letter-carrying, ditchdigging, and carpet-beaiing would be if ■those three tasks bad to be perfonnei on the same Lot afternoon in dot pants and coloured socks by gouty' looking gentlmen who required a differ* ent implement for every mood. Informing TTim. Tourist (in park, looking at boulder)i And just where did you sav t-hic rock came from? Guide: A glacier brought it down. Tourist: Where did the glacier go? Guide: Oh, it went back after ymtji* rock. To the Point. The teacher was giving the kinder garten class a lesson in natural history. Turning to one small tot, sbe inquired, "What do elephants have that no other animals haver"' '"Little elephants," was the surprisiug reply. He was Nervous. The new barber had nicked him rather badly in several places. "Give me a glass of water, please," gasped the victim. "You aren't going to faint, I hops i a said the barl>er in alarm. "No. I just want to mv if rrv mouth will hold water." Extravagance. As he passed the pa\ejm*nt arti>U Angus, with a lordly air. flung a billing into the outst retclit-d hand. His wife immediately accused him of extravagance. "Dinna fash yerself." hi- said, "'twas a bad shilling." "An' hae ye no" a bad s-axpenee, J* gowk?" the retorted.