THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 76, 30 March 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

'By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) Scotland Yard is taking no chances with the Reds. In Trafalgar Square, much favoured as a kicking-off ground for rioters, the London police authorities have PREPARE erected " pill boxes" FOR ELECTIONS, reminiscent of the German lines of 1917. These small stone forts are pierced for rifles, an immensely powerful light is on top and there is direct telephone communication with the Yard. Each is made to contain a single constable who will look through the interstices for the first signs of riot and then ring up for reinforcements. Couldn't we have a few for the Civic Square? The elections are on this vear.

Dear M.A.T., —Your story of the blending of the countries by an English Mayor in his welcome to the Waratahs reminds me of the story of a homeless but THE MIXTURES, tactful Irishman who ad-

dressed the lady of a farmhouse in this wise, "God bless yer cows, missus; would ye give me a drink of water, for I am so hungry that I don't know where I am going to sleep to-night." Also of the newly-rich unread man, who, addressing a class of boys, told them "always to remember that, as Shakespeare said in his 'Paradise Lost,' 'a man's a man for a' that.'" We do appreciate your column.—Old Timer.

You would be inclined to permit yourself a smile if you were told that a man fell from the top bough of a tomato plant and broke

an arm. And you may THE GOOSEBERRY ask yourself the question, SEASON. "Why Poverty Bay?" Mr. Naismith of that great territory planted a tomato vine against the wall of his garage. Mr. Naismith was sorry to observe after he had picked 103 tomatoes from it that the plant grew only nine feet* high, for as soon as it pushed its crest above the garage the wind prevented the rest of it from growing. M.A.T. has a pumpkin growing in an eighth-of-an-aere plot and has had to shift the fence several times.

Thank heavens we are a race of athletes and one of us dwells at T . It was desired that lie should telegraph to an Auckland organisation the AN ATHLETE, results of each race of

the Hack Club meeting. The athlete replied that he would do it. There is, he mentioned no telephone on the course, but he intends forwarding the result of each flutter from the nearest farm, half a mile away. As he is a footballer in training, he thinks the little exercise might do him good. He concludes: "I could give you about six winners now, but as you Want details of times and scratchings for each race I can't guess accurately." A man who decides to dash backwards and forwards eight miles in all to watch form and obtain results has a glorious sporting future before him.

The incessant activity of Canadian hens induces the thought that from Lake Superior to Baffin Bay the great white Dominion is one

perpetual cackle. Canada A COMMERCIAL has off-loaded in Auckland PARAGRAPH. 126,000 hen eggs, thus obviating the necessity in that number of New Zealand hens of working for one day. You will notice that this dian irruption of hen products is specially intended to meet the Easter {Mission for omelettes, fried, boiled and scrambled ova. It has been pointed out that Canadian fowl farmers, who are keen politicians, knowing that Xew Zealand intends having an election, have mistaken the date. On the other hand, they may merely have decided that eggs stored from this date to the time when Reform will again bear the yolk will qualify this produce for a place. But a political organiser gravely points out that as bakers have been paying half-a-crown a dozen for Canadian eggs the fervid citizen who hoped to lay in a store would have to pay at least threepence per missile. He thinks four shots a shilling is a bit over the odds and says that at any rate the eggs are too small. "It is a pity," says he, "that ostrich farming is not more* popular in Xew Zealand," and thinks it may be necessary to import emu eggs from Australia, where, however, as there are many times more Parliamentarians than in Maoriland, these missiles may be held for local requirements.

Dear M.A.T.,—A contributor to tlie "Star" of the 27th instant reports verbatim the comments of a spectator at the Test cricket match

on Monday. Last year a FAIR DINKUM prominent visitor from FERNLEAF. England was quoted as haying made reference to the 'pure English" spoken by New Zealanders as a rule. The visitor was right, perhaps, for I notice tliat the spectator referred to used "musta" and "mighta" for must have and might have, "blimey," "dunno," "didyer," "orlright," "s'long," etc., and dropped his "h's" and "g's" in a delightful fashion. This sort of talk is generally sneered at as Australian hngo, and as an Aussie I am glad to read it as a specimen of what one hears in a gathering of New Zealanders. Is there evidence that the New Zealander is slipping, was the spectator trying to create what he regarded as an Australian atmosphere, or was lie speakin" really "pure English" after all?—J. Cornstalk.

The grizzled veteran with a kick in his near leg fingered an old Mauser bullet with funny little marks on it where it had smacked an old kumrid's hipbone, •AN and said he: "On March ANNIVERSARY. 30, 1900, we snored con tentedlv on the veldt wrapped in blue blankets and slumber. Christian de Wet wasn't slumbering at all. The British lot (including the First New Zealanders) were to cross Koornspruit at Sanna's Post early in the morning en route to Bloemfontein. In the morning old Mac the cook (long since dead) was cheerfully boilin« the coffee dixies when shells spoilt the breakfast and dinted some perfectly good pots. Mr. de Wet and Co. were in that spruit, but thev let many wagons cross and then, as the troops approached, covered them with machine «uns and rifles, and with exquisite tact and iu silence made many prisoners. When the troops in the rear found what was what there was a dreadful spat and rifle fire at the closest range—rotten clatter, punctuated with death It was here that a battery of R.H.A. went into action and was shot down to the last defender * , ser f ,?a, l t - Subsequently, under rifles in the hands of tjie De Wets, I had the unenviable distinction of riding a British gun team out for Chnstiau. New Zealanders fought a rearguard action—a hot, dusty and nasty affair. It was a little disturbing in the beginning of the spat to see small Dutch boys with rifles ♦wD g - ° n B " tls , h cavalrymen to dismount, for there is no doubt Christian put up a remarkable ambush Among four hundred others, took seventeen New Zealanders, who ™,I>W barbed wire for twelve weeks, doin<* much too much walking to get there. There •?. Un^ r f ds of shiver .V incidents, but one that will stick wasn't so shivery. A New fvnS 6r ( . reßt - his ashes!) was sickening for yphoid and stumbled along miserably. He had a mate (rest his ashes, too!) who from a e JTr rS column broke away and addressed ml* rß ° n , 1 on a smart black horse, die get a ride and mi,k he'll a « a <rnn Whiskers, putting the sick man on a v agon, gathered up water bottles from the prisoners, slung them round himself, and gallXr °!l ret " rni "S to the column in half an hour with m6re nulk about him than a Jersey LT h h rr dn t die — that tine- The man who &aved his life was Christian de Wet. There's JhI&.SF" ut 1 W!U " • book - «*■ »