THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 71, 24 March 1928, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) "Max" mentions that during "Peeping Tom" ceremonies in Coventry a noted American automobile serang had invaded the place, knowing that it was one A NOVELTY. of the great English centres of the industry, and hoping, of course, to snare orders. An innocent Coventry person paid that the old Coventry pageant of Lady Godiva would occur to-inorrow. Would he care to see it from the flat roof of the warehouse? "Say," remarked the Detroit man, "tell me, what is this Lady Godiva stunt?" "Well, as a matter of fact," said the Coventry man behind his hand, "it's illustrating an old legend, and a lady bereft of apparel rides on a horse right through the town." And the American replied, "Say, bo, give me two tickets. I sure haven't seen a horse for ten long years." The proposal to supersede the band of the Auckland Mounted Rifles Regiment, an excellent combination with a war record, will hurt a good many old gallopers BAND—T-R-O-T ! and will remind numbers of tliem of the fine old bandmaster, Captain Whalley Stewart, a fellow of infinite jest and a duration soldier. Of course the members of this famous band (for it is New Zealand's most fanious one) wore scattered about on Gallipoli carrying stretchers or rifles instead of the wild bassoon or the dainty fiageoJjjt, but Captain Stewart had a combination Cairo that became a feature of the life of that great city, playing for the people on many occasions and being immensely popular with citizens and soldiers. The "greatly-esteemed bandmaster, although over military ago when he went to Egypt, .put in four years' service. It is remembered that Captain Stewart in civil life might often be seen with a group of men who were doubled up with laughter, while he himself remained gravely smileless. He was a born raconteur and infused the saving grace of humour into many priceless stories. And what's more, on service he paraded the band mounted on some occasions, there being a photo extant of himself on a very useful-looking charger. Let the Otahuhu band blow trombones at the gallop!

Old Tom (the man, not the beverage) sat on a wharf listening to Nature and fishing for piper. He landed one of these miniature swordfish and said: "When TRUE FISH YARN. I was at Wembley seven years ago I saw a splendid stuffed Xew Zealand swordfish with the official story of his last hours and subsequent death attached. Might be worth retelling. An Aucklander's launch was cruising off Russell when this leviathan charged the boat, pushed two feet of his sword through the stout kauri planking and again turned his attention to the Pacific, leaving the sword imbedded. The launch was taken to Russell and the sword retrieved. Several weeks afterwards Australians were fishing for big things in the adjacent waters and got one. It was a swordfish bereft of twenty-four inches of his sword. The fact was noised abroad, and the Aucklander's piece of sword was produced and fitted to the Australians' capture. It was a perfect fit. The complete animal was sent to Wembley, but bless your heart, people would rather look at Cochran's cowboys biting bulls on the nose than stand gazing at a stuffed fish with a broken beak." AGONY.

"He is an able-bodied man an<l can take care of himself, but he shudders when he sees any work," said Sub-Insj>ector McCarthy in the Police Court yesterday, when Tony Vella, aged 48, pleaded guilty to vagrancy.

Mo napper aches. roe brow is damp With cold and clammy sweat. Me 'earts n-beatin' sometliin' orful, Bill, Mc knees is all a-tremble Anil me 'ands is drippin' wet With presperation. Bill, old bloke, I'm ill' I wuz leanin" on a post. Bill, Thinkin' evil of no man. When I see a bloke upon the bloom in' lurk; No wonder I sprung orf me tail. Oh. how 1 ran and ran ! Fer the bleeder orferred me a job o' work!

There's limits to endoorance. Bill; I went into a pub To see if I could sua re a pot o' hops When in there come a cop, dear Bill As I wuz wolfin' grub (They really ought to do away with cops) He „s ez> . iou re b «S and fat and strong. They re wantin' men like you For jjick and shovel work: thev want a mob " An then he broke me bleedin' "eart. With agony I flew, Fer the cop, 'e orferred me a flamin' job!

A gracious little plot of green in High Street where one might sit and reflect on the skyscrapers would bring balm to the business man - It is suggested that LUNGS. in place of a post oflice a little reserve should be made there. With multiplication of such reserves Auckland might in time be mistaken for a British or Continental town, for such spots are common where land is not esteemed entirely for the dividends of money it will

bring. Then, again, a reserve in High Street would save the descendants of pioneers who carried bags of flour for thirty miles the awful climb of two minutes to the relativelv lar«e lung of Albert Park. Torn with the lunch-hour perambulatiou from Shortland Street to the corner of Chancery Lane a race of athletes could break the terrible journey. How remote Albert Park is to the race of mountaineers to which we are so proud to belong may be gauged by the paucity of visitors who scale the giddy heights to gaze on a fair panorama. A ruthless commercialism, disregarding the physical exhaustion of business people walking between Wyndham and Durham Street, has persisted in building a bank when the space might have been used for a little park. Faint captains of commerce will have to brave a journey of nearly five minutes to reach the haven of Myers Park or the Civic Square, and heroic pedestrians, sinking with fatigue at His Majesty s Arcade, must toil heavy-footed for three minutes to scale the Himalaya of Albert

An acute old lady noticed on a recent morning that the great concrete piles being driven for harbour works at Devonport were Amatvttd of var y> n S lengths and AMATEUR watched hammer and drill JbrtlrinitaKS. men make incisions for

blowing the tops off the longer ones with explosives. As she had not recently been on the bed of the ocean and consequently had no knowledge of bedrock, pile driving (and all that sort of nonsense) she was voluble about the dreadful waste of sticking in a perfectly lovely pile and then choppinl yards off to throw away in the ocean. "Dread,l w l a ? te >" she Sft id. But a grave official calmed her fears. He told her that the Harbour Board, the Devonport Borough Council and the terry authorities had so much money that they didnt bother about a little thing like that. They couldnt very well return the surplus money to the ratepayers and were therefore making longer piles to keep the men in work. ij. j e f£« rt of ' ma g'nation appealed to the old lady. Poor fellows," she said, "and there are so many out of work!" and went away pacified. And apropos of these piles, of course many were driven at heavy angles, according ? necessary design for strength and stability. And the young reporter who inspected them a few months ago and noticed these leaning piles solemnly called attention to it by saying that although many of the piles were crooked he had no doubt 'that the builders would straighten them out before they built a wharf on them. Why shouldn't we nave comic pars in newspapers!