THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 28, 2 February 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

Eileen, with her father and mother, visited Auntie's in order that they might hear Auntie's loud speaker. The item that came through was instrumental music, THE CHILD MIND, and Eileen listened with great attention and watched the little box most intently. When the item was ended, Eileen said, still looking at the box, "Oh, Auntie, what a very little piano to make such a loud noise!" Dear M.A.T.,—To-night, whilst chuckling over your par about the bowlers, I bethought me of an incident on our green this afternoon. It goes to prove there is ANTITOXIN. an antitoxin for the bowl bacillus. After tea suddenly there were borne upon our oars stramre, weird sounds, and now here, now there, players dropped their bowls, mounted scats and peered over the hedge. Presently an array of heads, with faces suffused by "a divine could be seen taking up the eastern positionwoolly heads, bald heads, thin heads, thick heads, lean heads, fat heads. When the strains of the wandering minstrel had died away Mac returned to his place in the S.W., and "in his eyes there shone a light that never was on land or sea. Jion! They bagpipes were just graund!" quoth he. "Ur," burbled Bertie. *1 thought the butcher was slaughtering the haggis."—St. Helier's. It is too early to weep because poor old Papa Joflfre, a marshal of France, can't pav double rent. Nor is it likely that the people °f France who gave him DREAMLESS his title of affection will SLEEP, permit him to go unhoused. What is pathetic about the grand old man on whom the Allies depended during the opening of the greatest war is that he is very sick, has, in fact, dwindled to a mere bag of bones. It has' been remarked in comment on the cabled news about the marshal and his lodgines that eminents are often neglected in their lives and honoured after death. In the case of Lord Ypres (John French), it was pointed out long after his death that his grave was unmarked bv anything except weeds. Incidentally, touching the disposal of a dead man, neither Ypres nor Haig are at present concerned with the place of their interment. Dear M.A.T.,- —Re hat-lifting in lifts in the presence of ladies. Thanks for mentioning it. I go up to lunch daily in a lift full of^the tm-lt rm.n ■_ <icar creatures, and the POLITENESS etiquette of the thing has IN LIFTS, bothered me. You see, this lift is generally crammed full of damozels, and in my knightly gallantry I shrink back into the innermost corner to let the last possible one enter. Shall I hold my new fur-felt creation demurely at the front of my chest like a breastplate "or a shapely bust? Or shall I cast orthodoxy to the wind?, leave it stiffly elevated on my head, save its cherished shapeliness and thus make room for one more slim little woman? I trv to tell myself that the ultra-polite gentleman in the opposite corner would be the first to take a lady down on a sale of silk stockings at umpteen and elevenpence three farthings, i The real, honest, brave he-man is known bv his simplicity. So, till I hear from you, I am keeping my hat where it belongs. *Plea=e | help me, dear M.A.T.—A.G.S. Congratulations to that fine old clergyman the Rev. George Bond, who is eiglitv%earJ young. Of course lot and lots of clergymen a ircusvrt,,. have been ~the A MEMORY. fighting pars on," and among them is Mr. Bond, who deserves the title. Not. of course that he ever indulged in fisticuffs. M.A.T. V mo*t persistent memory of Mr. Bond takes us back to the licensing elections in Wellington Ion"-, long ago. Newtown (Wellington South) went dry. On the evening of the election the two hotels held open house. The Central European (hocli!) who kept one of the hotels was particularly generous. When the word went forth that Newtown had voted dry Mr. Bond, despite the serried ranks of those" who had imbibed richly, gathered quite a crowd and led lustily the singing of "Praise God From Whom -Ul Blessings How/' It is of interest that when the two Newtown hotels were closed the price of a hotel immediately over the border increased three times, and hundreds of citizens dropped oh tram and bus at the hostelry to prevent entering the dry area unirrigated." Mr. Wright, at present Minister of Education, was a leading protagonist of the "drys" in those davs, while the local Labour member, a grandson'of an admiral who had been Governor of South Australia, was also a keen avoider of the cup. In the heat of summer the Aucklander peel> successive garments and eminent shopkeepers have been known to go to business FFPftvc ATT . ui , tbolU waistcoats. Our ALL ! relatives in London are , , , peeling their garments, too although the weather has been phenomenally iey. The other day, when London was ! icier than within the memory of man, the ! lunatics of the Serpentine Swimming Vlub ! broke the ice and indulged in natatorial exer- I cises among the lloating icebergs. Here on the ! table is tlie picture of Mr. Rowlev, secretary ! ot the club, attired in a bathiii- suit and i immersed m the Serpentine up to his armpits. ' These middle-aged swimmers do it for eiijov- : ment! Ihe expression on Mr. Rowley's face is that of a man who is having teeth drawn, without gas while ingenious torturers apnlv ' red-hot needles to his toes. Auckland pe'.pi; . who never have any ice to break, eschew the I delight, of the Waitemata in winter, although i the ttaitemata i® much cleaner and lar-cr I than the Serpentine. However, there was once I a suburban Auckland postmaster who made I a dent in the sea every winter morniii" He ' chose the tune when the largest crowd? were' hurrying to the boats and when thousands could witness his hernial. People wrapped in huge overcoats and buried in furs to keen . the Arctic cold of Auckland out of their bo*U"> ' shivered as they passed the one bit of human ! m the harbour. I Motorists little know what a curative i force they are: how the neuritie, the sciatic! and the rheumatic are temporarily relieved by i unvi . , l ' le gentleman on wheels, j HONK . and how the thing on ! foot loves him. One man i goes to work at lour or live miles an hour I and another, to reach his office at preci-elv I the same time, goes at thirty or fortv Nobody 1 vV a \r i \- C T h ! d l his r b * afe of common i life. M.A.I, had the effrontery to ero-< a ' street on loot to reach the scene of his labour* i In common law he had a right to walk across I the street, even if his pace was n<J more than I live miles per hour. A motorist also "oin<r to the scene of his labours missed killing the writer ot this paragraph because the walker leapt turther than ho has leapt since before the da_\ s of a gammy leg. The driver of the car hooted the usual get-off-the-earth noiseand M.A.T. did leap off the earth for a moment.' Now the point for the gentleman in the red car and all other gentlemen in all other coloured cars is that the road is not theirs and that a man with a jangling sciatic nerve i< no match in the matter of propulsion to a"fool on a powerful engine who wants the who'e 1 road. A friend ..vertook M.A.T. on the kerb and said he. "What right have vou to Unload?'' And as he has lingered lo»<r i n America, lie mentioned that the "traffic cop-"' in some towns are armed with pistols and that they have been known to kill motorics with as little pity as motorists kill pedestrian® Auckland is hardly civilised enough vet to take reprisals on tools who drive at forty milean hour to reach the office. One often wonders why wicked people burn other people's cars