IN MERRIER MOOD.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 23, 28 January 1928, Page 2 (Supplement)

IN MERRIER MOOD.

I-"- " Pmm For the beat anecdote sent la each weak a prxza at B Fwo Shillings will be awarded. While 2a jedstat •■Sitltflll In fOT preference will be given to local atone* rnaliin *$!„-. n A tioaa need not be original, bnt in all caaee A* D6SC source from which taken should be stated. Tbe 3 Ci™. - Editor's decision must be regarded as final. Al . .t-B* wWIj anecdotes intended lb* competition mast be Z received at this ofioe by the Monday preceding 'B*' - t»V S publication. Tbe envelopes containing contributions ant _ be endorsed with die words "Anecdote** in tbe lap left-bead Z B corner, and eddresssd Editor. Tbe Auckland Start" Auckland ■i? "~> _ . I —

The prise for.the best anecdote goes this week to Wa Black, 3» Grafton Road, for:— UNPROFITABLE " COWS." One evening recently an agricultural instructor visited a small centre in the Waikato in order to give an address on "The Vahie of Herd-testing." "Gentlemen," he began, "there are some cows that pay, and some cows that don't pay." In an instant the village storekeeper was on his feet. "There's a lot of them cows here to-night," he cried. It was some minutes before the instructor was able to resume his address. ALL SIGHT HOW. She was visiting a zoo, and gathering as much information about the animals as was possible in one short afternoon. "Are these bears carnivorous?" die inquired of a keeper. " , "Well," replied the keeper, slowly, "they was when they arrived, ma'am, but they've been all right since we cleaned 'em down with carbolic." NO HOPE THESE. They found him wandering about aimlessly, with a blackened eye and a gap in his front teeth. He looked aa though ha had annoyed somebody. Filled with pity, they seized him by the arms and helped him along. "Come along, old chap. Left in take yon home to your wife. Shell put yon right in no time." "No, no," he groaned; "not that! Don't yon—can't you understand that's where I got this lot?" TWO OF A KIND. A young man who had to go abroad was saying good-bye to his sweetheart. "Darling," he said, "when I am iat away will you gaze on that star every night and think of me?" 'Dearest, I will," she answered. "That star is so full of your nature that it will always remind me of you." "Why is that?" "Because if s out so late at night and looks so pale in the morning." ~~ A STICKER. A novelist was present at a gathering of artists, and during the evening was called upon to make a speech. "Gentlemen," he said, "as this is an ! assembly in which art is largely represented, I feel it incumbent upon me to say a few words on the subject of painting. "Speaking personally, my only efforts in that direction were on an occasion when I enamelled our bath. My friends said to me, 'My dear fellow, ifs no good your going in for painting unlwi you're prepared to stick to your work,' and," continued the author, "I did." * STUMPED. *— A professional cricketer of former days still does some coaching for minor schools, and is ever ready to take part in a match that promises good sport. The other day he received a telephone message in the afternoon from a police station. He understood the sender to say €hat a great cricketing friend was there, and would he .go along and "bowl T»fm out." Thinking that the request was a humorous way of suggesting he ahnwlfl join in a police match, he trotted along; complete with kit, only to find his acquaintance was in custody for being exuberant and had sent along a request for him to "bail Mm out." SO SILLY. "Darling," he asked, as he drew her closer to him, "am I the only you have ever kissed!" "William," she replied, somewhat testily, "before we go any farther I would like to ask you a few questions. You are aware that my father is a millionaire, aren't you?" "Y-yes." "You understand, ho doubt, that when he dies the whole of his fortune will be left to me?" "Y-yes." "You know that I also own nearly half a million pounds' worth of nroperty?" V "Y-yes." "Then, for goodness sake, talk sense! What difference would it make to you if I had been kissed by a thousand mow before I met you?" THE AWAKENING. He had not been married long, and when he realised that money does not go so far now as it did a few years ago, he determined to grow his own vegetables. He started to dig up the garden, and after half an hour's hard work was astonished to find a half-crown at his feet. He dug with renewed ardour, and several more coins rewarded his efforts. 'Bless me, if this isn't a money mine," he said, digging away for all he was worth. "I wonder what I'll find next?" His arms ached and perspiration trickled down his face. He could stand it no longer. He straightened his back at last, and a glistening coin fell at his feet, in a moment he Lad grasped the truth. There was a hole in his trousers pocket.

"My daddy's so taß Oat ha over the garden fence," said Kttia lflL V dred. "So can mine," retorted Jfakri. '££-• when he's got his hat oal" "No woman ever takes aaslfe^-3 ; woman's advice about cloth®* course not. You don't ask the how to win the war?" - Lily: I went to a bargain iV to . '■* Elsie: Did you see iwflm. JL' looked cheap. " j lily: Yes, several men wttOm fl their wives. * Diner: Waiter, bring me a Mfc the butter. Waiter: Yes, sir. -'scf "And, waiter, a revolver cheese." - iSSSi Husbandt The new maid as arttidr -X' i quiet. One would never know M ,; Z - - was about the place. Wife: She isnt. She left tU« i . - Miss Passayt Yon may taaer ii dogs, but they're faithful, anyway. W : ;-.V rather kiss a good dog tfam mm Mr. Shsrpet Well, well, mm* m born lucky. - ' "So your. daddy's got a aa# «K false teeth,-has-bet-. What's ha gstv te do with his-old eneeY* "I expect mummy will eat finm for me later on." ; : „ _ He: I love yoa with all xaj Vmt> x*ji with all my soul, and my erery —my . - . v She: Yes, yee, I know, - But al Art ;: r means 'so little! " ' si||p Wife: I wish we bad a nk» Ja«gi country place where I could gh* a §11 garden party. Husband: Jnt for ' pleasure of inviting some of your frieefe, eh? "Well, yes; and the pleasmeef ast, 'Wi inviting others."

•' l§l§ For Two Hk At one of the side-shows at * bazaar was a raffle for a, million pic*. \- The tickets were threepence each, mi the raffle was won by a Scotsman. A few days later he cilhi at vicarage and intimated that the W. the vicar could do was to make him a ■ email refund on the price of hifl Wit "You see," he explained* "there WB . two short." ;>13c9l ' Ordering Supplies I ..Pat was a bachelor dad for i time had been very dissatisfied with lb , single blessedness. _i«L One day, when passing & largeMtMy pie shop, he saw a notice in the wiadofg Jjj i "Families Supplied." > "Hfven be praised!" he cried, straightway entered the shop aad aeked for a wife and three children. : ' ® Truly Gallant. You have heard what the last wifaeM ( said," persisted counsel, "and yet Jll&g|g • evidence is to the contrary. -Am I ® ' infer that you wish to throw demit •* 1 her veracity?" The polite young man waved a precating hand. . &■ "Not at all," he replied. *1 ■Wf v -._? [ wish to make it clear what a liar las ; if she's speaking the troth." | Praise Wrongly Bestowed. • The young wife had been rather upset | L because her husband did not sujb " • show much interest in the newly-aniwd . baby. v ' "' ' v .. I She was overjoyed one night to di 3» Vf| cover him standing over the f ' his face reflecting rapture, admiratioßf j and iftcredulity. . i} ' Touched by his attitude, she went up ~J* I to her husband and slipped h« ■* HB about hiui. > "A penny for your thoughts," she se* i tenderly. I■ i Startled, he blurted out: 'Tor the Bf* t • 5 of me I can't see how anybody can w*h> 'g' a cot like that for fifteen-and-six!"