Random Shots

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 23, 28 January 1928, Page 2 (Supplement)

Random Shots

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Will the Maori pa on Mt. Eden be complete without festoons of dried shark? It is reported that New Zealand doctors of medicine are endeavouring to place obstacles in the way of practitioners from other countries wishing to practise here. This doc. in the manger policy i§, to be deprecated. "Don't you dare to address me like that," complained a* solicitor in the Magistrate's Court at Gisborne to a witness who called him by his Christian name. Evidently the solicitor is not a Rotarian, or he would have welcomed the familiarity. Americans returning from Paris have been complaining bitterly that, in spite of the decline of the franc, they were grossly overcharged at every turn. It may be, of course, that the ever-polite French were merely endeavouring to make their guests fed at home. "On various occasions it has been remarked that a New Zealand crowd cannot cheer in the hearty British way, even when the occasion demands it. . Does a British crowd always cheer in "the hearty British way?" Isn't it just possible that the New Zealand crowd often does not cheer because it sees nothing worth a cheer? "The city (of Melbourne) is being swept by a dust storm from Central Australia. The whole of tjie metropolitan area is drenched by showers of red rain, due to raindrops collecting dust." It is well, that the reason for the rain's redness should have been explained. The timid might otherwise have seen 1 in it a subtle form of Bolshevik propaganda. How times change!. Twelve miles an hour used to be considered quite a speed, but now motorists protest that to keep down to this, as it is proposed they shall be required to do in certain parts of Mt. Eden, would be too difficult. An American paper remarks of a statement that once upon a time a motor car reached a record speed of 15 miles an hour—that this would be a record to-dayl The police report from a southern district says that an elderly Maori was so troublesome when arrested that "three of us had all we could do to manage him. His language was sufficient to get him six months, but he spoke broken English and is not being charged with that offence." As broken English in itself provides absolution for bad language, future offenders are advised to break their English when they break the law. There is no end to the terrors of life. A few years ago I read a story of a man who found himself in the middle of the street in particularly busy city cross-roads. Traffic bore down on him from all sides, and an aeroplane swooped towards him. He saw a manhole in the ground,-, and to save himself jumped into it, but was killed by an underground train. Now it is reported in_ our news that in New York an aviator has actually taken off and landed in a city street. Poor pedestrian! The necessity for cultivating eyes at the back of his head becomes urgent. The lawyer stirred his afternoon cup of coffee meditatively. (It is, by the way, surprising how many lawyers manage to slip round for morning "and afternon tea. It must be an exhausting profession.) "Business? Business is bad," he said slowly. "The only hope I see is in the world of sport. If these disputes about Ranfurly: Shields and Cornwell Cups become a little more numerous, we shall be able to get jobs as counsel for various sports bodies. Every \ travelling football team, every competing boat's crew, will have a solicitor attached to represent its interest in the almost inevitable dispute. It's the only thing I can see ahead. The alternative is farming," and he shuddered'as he buried his nose in his second cup.

I have seen the description of the newest dance, the "new waltz." "One can do any step, in any direction, anywhere," is the first direction. Here truly is freedom enough for any ballroom anarchist. "Anywhere" might carry the dancers "over the hills and far away." "Steps being made by "the man outside his partner" is a more cryptic direction; "forwards, backwards, or sideway," it continues. "Spiral movements, and many new hesitation steps, have been introduced." I should hesitate about the "spiral" myself. It must be a mazy dance. Here is one complete movement of simpler kind: "Long step forward, then one to the side, at right angles to the forward direction, then bring feet together." This is an old movement when the male dancer on a hot night wished to go and see a man about a dog. Another is, "waltz backward, pivot on left foot, bring right foot round outside partner (it used to be the left arm), who is thus automatically placed on man's left hip (wrestling hold), resume former position (where was It) by repeating step." I once read a book upon crochet work, and how it all seems to come back to me now! The dance instructions conclude: "The woman does the exact . reverse of the man," The ancient privilege!

"THAT SCHOOLBOY FEELING." An aged passenger of 88 years old soothed his relatives' fears and justified his venture of a voyage to Australia to cure a cold by saying with a smile, "I've got that schoolboy feeling?' "I say mum, ain't this a cheek? Here's an old and fussy freak •See he ain't no time for squealin' Cos he's got 'that schoolboy feelin'.' " "How does he know wot we feel. Betcha* he wonld soon appeal— Sittin' On a hard old seat While some problem got him beat; Watchin* teachers play with Scolded if be tries to talk, | <- Kept ha if he breaks a role Of the discipline of school, , Leamin* spellins' from a book— Wouldn't anyone go crook If they thought of fresh air fan And were told 'this must be done.' Gosh! How he would hit the ceilin' If he got that, schoolboy feelin'." "If he wuz a boy he'd squeak When he thought of school next week— ; • Jography and names and dates, ~ Tables, measurements, and weights, Fractions, decimals—Oh, crams! How I hate those blessed sums! And the grammar! Crikey! Verbs! That's wot all the kids disturbs As they learn the parts of speech, And they know down on the butch 'Blokes could do Just as they wish— st «Swim and boat and 'have a fish' ; Only for the school bell pealin' A would he like that schoolboy feelin.' 1 : "What's that, mum? I'm naughty, eh! I must run away and play, Till you get the evenin meal in— Then IH get that schoolboy feelin. — E, A.