THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LVIII, Issue 276, 22 November 1927, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

"A.H." writes: No partisan propaganda ia allowed to go out over the New Zealand broadcasting service, yet to transmit a series

of Sunday night sermons PRO ET ANTL without something of comment on matters political as they affect congregations would be an impossibility. In the past there have been heard references to Bible in schools. On Sunday last it was natural that one aspect of the Licensing Bill impasse should be mentioned in a sermon, but the counterblast to £his came later from a most unexpected quarter. In full-bodied harmony there came, in the following programme of the Municipal Band, a tune which must have brought a smile to many a listener who had 1 heard the preceding sermon, though the full significance would be lost on the majority. The band rendered soulfully a refrain to which many are wont'to sing, "There's a Man Over Here Wants a Beer."

Observing a lady tying a ribbon on a peaceful cow, indicating the Ayrshire's admittance to the horned aristocracy, Alfred

thoughtfully remarked A REEF KNOT, that celebrities greater

than she led lives fraught with adventure. Thus a peer might have a foundation stone fall on him, a duchess planting a tree might fall in the hole, a politician trying to make a speech while turning the first sod of a bridge with a pick might blister his hands, and so forth. Lord Jellieoe was a determined opener of things, and familiar with horses. At Ellerslie once it was his duty to tie the ribbon on a Derby winner, an animal that Charlestoned round the paddock. The great admiral, whose height is five feet six inches, found difficulty in tying the ribbon round the arched and glossy neck of a horse that danced like a dervish. An admiring Tar rather unkindly called out, "You'd be better at tying a reef knot, sir," but Silent John (who is a little deaf from early gunnery) didn't hear him. Tiptoeing suddenly, H.E. triumphed.

Colonel Lawrence, of Arabia fame, in his book (as a cablegram shows) tells a story of the late Marquis Curzon, who received a

telegram from Lawrence THE containing the words "fed COMMON TONGXJE. up." He haughtily asked

what it meant, and, when informed that it was equivalent to "disgruntled," remarked, "I suppose it is a middle-class term." Great persons affect not to understand the current expressions of the common people. Not long ago a case was heard in the New Zealand Supreme Court in which the term "half-handle" was used. His Honor, without bending his countenance in the least, asked blandly, "And what, may I ask, is a half-handle ?" (Silence!) A witness in a racing case heard before Sir Bobert Stout greatly puzzled his Honor by saying, "At the time I was fairly broke to the wide." Sir Robert asked for an interpretation. "Stony, sir, lost all me hoot —not a bean." Still the judge was unable to grasp the man's .meaning. Counsel came to the rescue. "No money, your Honor." "Ha! Why did he not say so, then? Proceed!"

It was advanced as an unassailable fact in this column some time ago that it is not the pleasant things that people laugh at, but

those events that are TELLING hurtful to others. You THE BEES, will therefore at least

chuckle over the adventure of the bee taker. A queen bee selected a fence in a rocky suburb for her colony. A very large swarm went into residence, and it was an object of pleased attention to the boys of the neighbourhood. The news spread that there were bees to be had and a local resident hied him hither, armed with a box and a bag to capture the swarm. He arrived. He put down his box and began proceedings with the bag. The next incident noted by the boys was the citizen, bagless and boxless (but scarcely beeless) bounding busily towartjp home, his arms waving wildly like those of a windmill. It was obvious that the bees were going with him without being captured at all. Sounds proceeding from the man as he leapt nimbly through the air may have been some old-time charm, but to the onlookers they were not at all charming. Perhaps in the cool retreat of his washhouse he found solace in a blue bag. The infuriated conduct of the bees i 9 explained by the fact that prior to the coming of the bee-capturer the dear little boys of the neighbourhood had thrown stones at the swarm. The queen must have mistaken the capturcr for a stone thrower.

A man who has mowed the foliage on his expressive face with the same blade razor every day for twenty-five years says he has

never taken it to a doctor CURES yet and has used an old FOR JEWELS, army belt to strop it. Mentioning this to a lawn mower expert, that gentleman told M.A.T. that all metals, despite' the experience mentioned, get "tired." In fact, he inferred that if a battleship was in . use long enough it would go to sleep by itself without being scrapped, that certainly edged tools become dreadfully sleepy and go off colour and are only restored by rest. He says that a saw mislaid by a bushman and retrieved after several months of weathering was superior to a young and jaunty saw that had practically never known a dentist. In fact, all mineral matter dug from its natural surroundings suffers from many ailments, and there are now in various countries containing rich people doctors who cure jewels that are lackadaisical and off colour. People who are ennuied with their jewels may now have them changed colour. Diamonds that are so old as to lack lustre are given new sparkles. An emerald which has turned a sickly green from biliousness is restored to its pristine verdancy. George Holden, a gem expert, mentions that water, cheese offals, sawdust, cork, methylated spirit, olive oil and eau de Cologne figure largely in the gem doctor's prescriptions for curing "sick" gems.

There is a story in the papers of a man who was lost in the scrub in South Australia and hardly escaped death by thirst. As this _. happened near Renmark BACK TO NATURE, (one of two places taken up by the American Chaffey Brothers for an irrigation settlement) the scrub in which the poor fellow was lost was mallee scrub, a detestable eucalypt which looks precisely the same in one place as it does a hundred miles further on. In the description of the man's terrible feelings, the story says that he tore off all his clothes to alleviate his sufferings. When a man lost in the bush tears his clothes off he doesn't do it to alleviate anything. He does it because he is past knowing and the act is instinctive. It is probable even that he is past suffering, for the human being arrives at a point where he can bear no more and know no more. A human being in this condition actually returns to Mature and discards everything artificial (even to false teeth should he have them.) Intending suicides by water Who may be presumed to be just as mad as a lost man dying from thirst, invariably discard part of their clothing. New Zealanders who have not travelled know nothing of heat and thirst, and are sometimes a little doubtful as to the size of Australia and the stories told of the sufferings of their cousins; but summer time wlm i parched tongues in the burning UniSr+k °, U £ , }° make Maorilanders thankful for the little green countrv WJ th the persistent drip.