IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LVIII, Issue 136, 11 June 1927, Page 22

IN MERRIER MOOD

The prixe this week is iwirted to [ Betty Priest, Y.WCJL, Auckland, for! the following:— SOKE BEES. Two American negroes were making their getaway with hall ~a dozen .stolen fowls. Says Joe: Hurry, Sam, there's bees following us. Says Joe: Keep going, niggah, them's not bees, them's bullets. THE WRONG ROUTE. A railway official on a Xorth -country railway obtained leave of absence to get married, and waa given a peas for the journey. When he reached the ticket collector, tbe bridegroom, rather flustered, pulled out his marriage certificate instead of the railway pass, and showed it to him. The latter, a Scot, looked long at it and then said, "Eh, mon, you're got a ticket for a lang and weary joyrney, but it's no' on the Caledonian line.™ THEIR WAY OUT. The officials of a negro church were anxious to obtain a "DJ)." for their pastor, and a letter was sent to an American "university" asking for terms. As the price mentioned for the honour was twice as great aa the church was prepared to pay, another letter was forwarded to the* authorities stating that they would purchase one D" now and the other when they had sufficient funds for the purpose. ONLY ▲ DREAM. Hubby listened intently. His wife and her mother were talking. The latter was frying: "You nave indeed secured a splendid husband, and I think you ought to treat him with a little more tact and consideration. Don't always want to know where he is going, and if he comes home a little late, be agreeable and wait until he explains before you begin asking a lot of awkward questions. He's just the sort to appreciate any generosity on your part. Be kind to him." Hubby stirred uneasily, trying to hear more, when—he awoke. NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. Tomkins is oj a nervous disposition, and somewhat slow and hesitating at times of emergency. When he entered an office one day, and found a stranger there instead of the man he wanted, he somewhat lost himself. "I beg your pardon," he began, "but —but are you Mr. Brown?" "Xo; I regret to 6ay Tm not," "I'm sorry, very sorry, indeed," went on Tomkins. "I had something I wanted to tell him. Do you thfolr heU he in soov i" *Tm afraid not. Is there anything I can do for you?" "Er —yes,* perhaps—er—perhaps you'll do as well as Mr. Brown. It's a very small matter—not of the slightest eonsequence. I came to tell Mr. Brown that the building is on fire!" CHIVALRY. An ojd gentleman saw two boys engaged in a desperate street fight. He stopped them and inquired the cause of their encounter. _ "He said he'd punch my sister's nose, sir, and I wasn't going to stand thai!" said the aggressor. i ''Certainly not, my boy," said the old gentleman^ "Well, 'e dared me to say it!" whimpered the other combatant The old gentleman looked bewildered. "Why," he said, turning to tbe first boy, *1 know you; your name is Tommy Wilde, and vou haven't got a sister:" " j "I know I haven't," replied Tommy. "7 was lighting for the principle of the thing!" SPEAKING OF BOOKS. "What are you reading these days?" he asked. "Oh, I've juat read the funniest book," replied the modern, flapper. "Honestly it s a scream—it really impressed frightfully." "Who's it by?" "You know that awfully funny person who writes things—l can never of his name." "What's it called?" "Let's see—it's some swfully funny title. ... Funny, I cant for the of me think 01 it this minute, but I it's terribly amusing. It simplv »*ve me hysterics." "What's it about?" "Wei!, it's really terriblv amusing you know, one of those si»rt of satire things." "Really, it must be delightful!" "I think his books are wonderfuL anyway, don't you?" "Whose books ?" 'This man whose name I can never think of, I mean."

PRIZE FOR BEST STORY. For the beat ueedoU (tat in eack week a prize of Five .ShiPfn— will b« awarded. While in jodgmi preference will be given to local stories, contributions need not be original, bat in all cases the aource from wbicb taken should be stated. .The Editor*# decision coat be HfiiUH aa finaL All anrcdoi+m intended lor competition moat be received at tbia ofice by tbe Monday preceding publication. Tbe envelopes containing contribution* nut be endorsed with tbe words ""Anecdote" in tbe top lelt-band corner, and addressed Editor. ~ The Auckland Star."" Auckland.

Army Instructor: If you wet* command of a battalion abcrnt to be vaccinated, what order would you give I Promising Cadet: Present anas; May: Most people admire ay month. Do you? Jack (absently): Rather! I tbiny it%' immense. Tailor: What about a grrmTi deponi," sir? - Customer: Just as you like—put on*--in if they're fashionable! Wife (reproadifully): John, roars kinder to dumb animals than you ax* to me. Husband (fed-up): Well, you fay dumb and see how kind Fll be. Hubby: My dear, why don't yo* think before you speak? I Wifie: But,*darling, if I did I thodi never have time to say half what £ want to. "What is the difference between a flat and an elephant?" "I dont know. What?" "Why. an elephant can kn fleas, but the flea cannot hav» elephant." Customer: Can you tell me whatfUi book is about? Librarian: Yet, it's a story of Si; South Sea Islands. Customer: Thank you, Fll take ft. f> know Southsea well.

AffahW FcDow-Pumnr. "So ymm an mm actor? lam a babr t ad( think at most bm at lanat tea )« aact I was at a theatre." Actor: "Aid Fm qvto caHaia Vi at least tea years since I was at % bank." —"Passin* Slit.* Hecessaxy. Teacher: Johnny, suppose you U tea apples and ten orange*, and gm nine-tenths of th«m to some other iitds boys, what would yon have? Johnny: Fd have my head examined. What Love Will Do. First person: Norm seems quite geneva the postman. Second person: Gone* Do von know what that girl does ? She posts a letter to herself every night so as to maks sure hell call the next morning! The Same Thing. Undergraduate: Yes, father, who I hare taken my degree I intend to go il for literature and journalism-— l nits far money, yon know." Pater: Well, my boy, it seems to as that's what you're been doing all the time you're been at the 'Varsity. Misleading. A Scottish person, still 09 the suiuuet side of forty, was driving home from an outlying hamlet when he overtook a young woman. He recognised her as the maid-of-all-work at a farm whkh he would pass, so he polled np sal offered hfr a lift, Mary gladly accepted his offer, and they chatted all the war to the farm gate. Thank yon, sir," she Mid, as she f#l down. "Don't mention it, Miit. 1M) mention it," he told her politely. "No, I won't, 3 Mary obligingly asran# him. Disappointed. An old lady who rarely went to tha theatre was seated in the front row of the pit endeavouring to see what «>• going on. A courteous young maa» seeing she was short-sighted, drew Mi binoculars out and said:— "Wont you hare a glass, madam? - The old lady looked gratified, and* glancing from left to right, slipped » handkerchief orer the binoculars, sad placed them in her lap. A momert later she raised them to her lips. A flush came to her cheeks, and she tfe* pered to the young man angrily, "YohNo been making fun of me. There sirt ' a blessed drop in the glass."