RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LVIII, Issue 136, 11 June 1927, Page 22

RANDOM SHOTS

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A Hawkc's Bay "sheepman" (shepherd) is importing Ryeland sheep and, inter alia, says. they have "fat lamb propensities." The j must be almost human.

The manager of the Canadian Soccer team said he found the Palmerston North people '"homely." It is possible that in Canada this word is not used as a substitute for "plain," i.e., not exactly ugly, but not far from it. I wonder how the P.N. flappers accepted this, or had they brought it on themselves?

"An American 'Whirlwind* engine would be capable of a flight to New Zealand and back without landing. 'In forging the links between the Dominions,' said Colonel White, 'Australia should take pride of place.'" Cable from Sydney. Yes, but why not forge the links with a British engine?

Away up North where strange things are done, a section of road at Taylor's Plat—l quote the published report—"has been asphalted to preserve th® surface from flooding." How asphalting a surface will resist flooding I do not know, but, last week, this "preserved" area' had signposts erected upon it to show where water was too deep for a car to go. One motorist was rescued in a boat —he was preserved unasphalted.

At the annual dinner of the Auckland Consular Corps it was mentioned that efforts were being made to avoid the use of the word "Australasia." M. Serre suggested in its place, "Australoeeanica." There is much music in this word (it looks like an inflated concertina), and as much meaning as a compound scientific term for a new synthetic drug, but the Cornstalk or Anzac, having dined well and being asked the name of his "home country," would make an oratorio of it. I may, perhaps, invite you to invent a descriptive word to please the New Zealand people as well as "Anzac" has done, having none of the inclusions concealed bv exclusiveness in "Australasia." Why not "Australangelica V

It is stated in the South that if Xew Zealand bred a different sort of rabbit, the rabbit-skin industry would be much more profitable. There is something in the idea. The authorities are dinning jt into the farmer's head that the Daisy which yields 1001b of butterfat in the year is just as expensive to keep as the Daisy that yields 3001b. Similarly, the rabbit that is worth, 6av, half-a-crown (I haven't the faintest* idea what a rabbit-skin is worth) eats as much grass (so I presume) as its aristocratic cousin, so why not cull our rabbit herds as the cocky" does, or Bhould do, with his cows, and replace the duds with pedigree stock ? Then perhaps rabbits will cease to be a pest at all, and the joke about the Scotch being the worst pest will cease to be a joke. I am told, by the way, that although this joke was in "Punch" within recent years, and was fathered on Australia, it was current in Central Ota go thirty years ago.

FASHIONS AT XLLERSUB. A correspondent who does not see why women should have it *11 their own way sends the following observations:— Tweed suits and corduroy trousers were the prevailing mode in the Derby enclosure and on the hilL It was noticed that the bowyang is being worn lower on the leg than in previous seasons. There is, however, the same adherence to accepted styles; namely the open shirt (clean if possible); the well-worn boot, and the worsted sock. Many well-, known patrons of the Derby enclosure wero obserwd to be wearing collars; a tribute to the prevailing EUerslie mode. the many pretty toilettes notieed were:— Waterfront Willie.—Serge trousers, ■clean shirt, with cap to match. Waverley Wilfred.—Corduroy trousers, with serge shirt, recently washed. Taihape Tim. —Well-matured jacket of bois de rose broadcloth; trousers with cowboy fringe. Workless Walter. —Navy blue serge with present day shiny effect, simulating hard wear; boots to match. Guileless Geoffrey.—Elephant hide trousers over an underdress of black sheepskin, with pig's foot posy, tastefully drapied from shoulder. Paekakariki Pete.—Coat and trousers of X.Z. blanket cloth, with X.Z. stock, ings. St. Helier's Harry.—Khaki overcoat (war time mode), with boots and trousers to match. "A MAD WORLD, MY MASTERS!" Dr. Theophilus B. Hyslop, the wellknown mental expert, in a recent London court case declared that he had never given a certificate of perfect health and perfect sanity. The judge: Then all here are slightly defective in health, sanity, or knowledge? Dr. Hyslop (courteously): I except your Lordship and the jury. (Laughter.)

'Nearly everyone is mad'" What a comment! nin't it sad When the specialist agrees Psychological disease Is the price we have to pay For the fun we have to-day. Makes you wonder if the strain Modern life puts on the brain Finds a fitting recompense In a growing lacK of sense. Anyway, why worry if Everrbody's "running stiff'-" •Fllttermlce within the dome" Boon upset the happy home. And as far as we can see 4 All are doomed to lunacy. Makes you 111 to think upon it— "Bees in everybody's bonnet." Everybody's "got a rat." Each is "talking through his hat." Every unit of the army Is incipiently barmy. What the mischief shall we do. For the trouble is it's true. How the ectoplasm skids When erratic fancy bids And you're mad on cigarettes. Picture cards or wireless sets. Auction bridge and Pekingese, Or some esoteric wheere— When the pear-box starts to hum. Watch your equilibrium. Think how brain waves circuit short On some special brand of sport. How the frenzied ego soars Contemplating cricket scores; How the facile double chart Fascinates the trusting heart: How the golfer's ganglions thrill When be smites his little "pill," While the red hot Rugby fan Runs amok whene'er he can. Whv some blokes go "off their socker," If vou only mention soccer. And some men d pawn their souls For a "run-up" with the bowls. When the carburettor sticks On a phase of politics; When a cove spends all bis staff On some "little bit of fluff." Then the world just says they're "mad:" You can bet you're just as bad— Fresh-air fiends or motor hogs. Movie stars or fancy togs. Dresses, millinery, drinks. All develop special kinks. These are foibles much worse Than the crime of writing verse. So the charge "Insanity!'' Is for everyone bat me.