THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LVIII, Issue 135, 10 June 1927, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) We've gotta hand it to little old Xew York for efforts in the Munchausen vein. The latest is to the effect that a woman is accused of murdering her husband TALL TALES, in order to marry an insurance agent. Xow, one can conceive a score of cases where to ! murder an insurance agent would W an eminently laudable act. Statues have been set up to men for less. But that a woman should want to marry one— '. A NICE BILLET. "PROBATIONER Nurse trant«l for th* x M.inconui Hospital. Salary £ 4453 p.a.—Apply to the Matron, Hospital. Mangonui. 10 Dear M.A.T., —Can anyone dispute the fact after reading the attached advertisement that Xew Zealand is the land of golden opportunity? I think this is the best answer for immigrants who are at present making complaints through the correspondence column. My only lament is that I am not a nurse and cannot apply for the position.—Cheerio, Goodnight Xurse. A little Auckland child had picked up some words which her mother thought not nice. Mother said, "You must not say those words, my dear. Remember God THE CHILD MIND, hears you." "What does God do, though. Mum J" "He made you and me, darling. He paints the flowers, lights the sun, gives us life and food and happiness." "Where does He live, Mum?" "In the sky, my dear." . "He tnuat he. good. I'll send him the coloured supplement of the 'Star.'" This incident is quite true and is printed as a real example of a bright child's mental process. Apropos of the child mind and sacred things, a Scots friend tells a story of his school days. The teacher was examining the class as to their knowlGENESIS OF edge of the Biblical story SOUP. of the creation, and she asked the question. "And what did God take a bone out of Adam's side for?" It was a poser for the class until the blacksmith's wee son (who evidently was often sent on messages) wagged his hand violently, "Please, M'm!" "Well ?" "Please, M'm, to mak' kail wiil" It is time that there was some revision ■ of the French exercises set for the student. How would this one do, as a preliminary to a visit to the dentist! I FRENCH have a bad molar. Wilt EXERCISES, thou not have a bad bicuspid? The aunt of the large, policeman has a bad incisor. Where is the dentist ? Here is the bureau of Dentist X. Let us go into the waiting room. I will have the tooth extracted. Does this dentist administer gas? Yes, he is a painless dentist. I will read a magazine. Here is a magazine. It is fifty years old. It is an old magazine. He, she, or it will have had an old magazine. I hear a scream. Dost thou hear a scream? One screams in the next room. I shall be late for lunch. I must go. The pain has ameliorated itself. Ido not require the painless dentist. Let us go. Let us hurry. "Xo!" said the grey-haired merchant in reply to the query, "Are young people as good nowadays as they used to be?" "How can thev be?'- he asked? GOOD OLD TIMES. "We have no 'improving , school literature now." He dived into a drawer and produced a drab little dog-eared book dated 1875. "We used to learn these in school," he said, flicking the leaves and reading the titles: "The Dying Chief." "The Soldier's Funeral," "Grasp of" the Dead," "The Idiot Boy," "The Pauper's Deathbed," "The Slave's Petition," "The Felon," "The Fugitive Slave," "The Destroying Angel," "The Pauper's Drive," "The Progress of Madness," "The Convict Ship," "The Prisoner of Chillon," "The Gambler's Wife," "Execution of Montrose." As he closed the book he said, "Ah! the Victorian age was far holier than this: far, far holier. Children nowadays are far too happy, far, far too happy"! In the course of an address to members of tho Philosophical Institute, Professor Arnold Wall mentioned that during a recent botanical expedition to Xelson and BLISS. the West Coast districts he investigated reports concerning the supposed existence of a strange people traditionally known as "The Lost Tribe." It is said that some families many years ago went into the Xelson backbloeks and were cut off. What bliss ! What happiness! What jov ! To be cut off: what tun: To live a life of ease, my boys, rnhanipered by the duo. And not to wear a «illy hat l"pon yonr uncut nob. And fancy never knowing that A pound is worth five bob : Wli"n father's pinny's painful, he Resorts unto the glade And bites a leaf or sucks a tree. While mother gets the family tea By digging with a spade. No motor cars (Dot even bike?). No patent medicines. N<« newspapers, no shops, no strikes, Nu churches and no sins : Talking of the "Lost Tribe of Xelson" reminded this de]>onent that a tribe was once discovered in Australia of which no one up to that time had been A DARK EPISODE, aware. Black trackers in the illimitable country at the back of fne confluence of the Mnrrav and Darling Rivers picked up footmarks of men, women and children. When the tribe was sighted by the pursuers some of the gins threw their infants down and took to flight. Tho expedition, whose mission was intended to be kind, was hampered by the necessity of carrying the babies on the saddle. T*he«e blacks were quite wild, and were ridden round just as shfep might be, and taken to Wentworth. The language of the black trackers was not understood by the "warrigals." There wero about sixty of these people, said to be the progeny of one black who threw up station life and took two or three lubras into the wilderness. They were insusceptible to civilisation. The white mans misguided determination to :do good" to the heathen resulted in the death of most of these unhappv wretches They hated whitefellow -tucker" " and tore whitefellow "clobber" to shreds.

To-day Win- the 21st anniversarv of the death of Richard Seddon. it may be appropriate to recall that Lord Pltinket used, in Mr K-mr nrrir ****?*'* lifetime, to refer K.lNti DICK. to him as "the late Mr. . Seddon," in reference to he great statesman's habit of not being on tune. \ery hkely Mr. Seddon stage-managed this procrastination, and audiences used to wait in • nervous expectancy, keyed up to a hi c h pitch until the great man came and roared it them and played upon them as Piderewski plays on the piano. Mr. Seddon had the true actors idea of a "foil." He often sent Sir John Findlay, K.C. (author of "HumbuJ .^d Honnlies") to hold the stage while he prepared to Morrn ,t. Sir John pattered fluentl^in a diverting and instructive w av . and on one occasion-in .\>wtow,,_he stonewalled for upwards of an hour, and made enough jokS to earn any body a knighthood. Thi kni-ht faded almost imperceptibly when King g cam* and thundered at us. We lored to he^r h« lion roar and pepple often say wilh a S If onlj «-e had a Seddon now" g '