THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LVIII, Issue 89, 16 April 1927, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

The influence of the Royal ambassadors remains. A three year-old Imperialist who saw the Duke and Duchess climbed from his little cot on to his THE YOUNG mother's treasured "duchIDEA. esse." Mother, entering the room, called: "Come down from the duchesse.*' The young Imperialist slipped into Blanket Bay again and asked: "But where is the Duke. Mummy!" The same young citizen, on seeing any lady in a blue hat riding in a car, is instantly affected to loyal demonstration, clapping his hands and exclaiming: "Oh, Mummy, there > the Duchess:'' Rather indignant, an Auckland lady, apropos of hawkers, said: "I have had an experience of hawkers at UP AGAINST IT. the back door of twentylive years. It is all very well for full-fed people in a permanent job to object to hawkers, but the successful tradesman may be the hawker of to-morrow, up against it. Don't you.recognise the courage it takes for a man who is up against it to tackle miles of people who do not cxj>eet him. ami to whom he must have a skilled appeal to make them buy his ware*"' One tried to think of something glittering and gemlike to say about the Ba na nalanders who displayed the Duke of York's colours until the Duke of York ROYAL COLOURS, a-ked what they meant. and explained that he hadn't any colours. But nothing stirred in the brain pot. The subject. has its serious side. Those who remember the late Mr. Seddon and the tremendous place he held in New Zealand may also remember that the constant thought of him as "King Dick" affected the }>eople into a seeming belief that he iro* royal. At any rale, everywhere in Wellington during the memorablo funeral, royal purple was the prevailing decoration, and thousands of yards were sold and used. >o deep sincere "'as the res]>oct of all classes for the great man that none expressed any sense of incongruity. Many Imrbers are mines of information. What vast wealth one could have act-ninuls-ted if one had barked all the horses mentioned a* the red-hot tohasco TUNEFUL MR. by Mr. Tonsor. One has TONSOR. gieaned priceless hints on gardening. ]>olitics and geography from hairdressers, so that if one could afford tri-weekly haircuts, one could be mentally armed at all point-. But the singing barber is rare! This young gentleman is a mastcr-nieinorist of local jazz. He prances round an old grey bead calling tuneful attention to the goo-goo eyes of his fair charmer, or warbles "Thanks for the Buggy Ride." anon instructing an unnamed Carbine. "Horsey, Keep Yer Tail Up.'' Rounding the last ear. the vocalist chants a few bars of "Keep Your Skirts Down, Mary Ann."' and now. having a Iwre neck before him, blows a cold whistle of great volume and richness on the ex]>osed nape. One hesitated to reprove the cheerful youth, hoping that he would Charleston towards the razor or do a breakdown in search of the clippers. These unexpected concerts add a spice to life, and one noticed that the price is put up by threepence —eightcenpenoe for the haircut and threepence for the entertainment. A French prisoner l>eing conducted to the pern-tentiary by a French police officer, in crossing a street, exclaimed: "What a pretty girl:" It was verv human NUTSHELL of the officer to look. But NOVEL. there was no girl. When he looked for his prisoner ho also wasn't there. An excellent ruse. It suggested at once an idea for a slap-up murder story. It could be strr.ng out by Conan Doyle into about a thousand pounds' worth, so here's a present of that sum to a man who doesn't need it. Smith is hated by Jones with a fervour beyond expression. There is a woman at the bottom of it, and murder in the heart of Jones. Jones, passing down Baker Street (or Butcher Road or Grocer Avenue) in Auckland, London, Paris or New York, casually observes Smith crossing the street among the rapid motor traffic. Jones siraplv veils, "Smith!" Smith stops (as anv other "man would do on being called), turns his head to look from whence the voice comes, and is reaped by a heavy bus. Jones waits about with the crowd, and shows keen distress. Knew the poor chap (sobs) intimately. Knew his wife (tears). In fact, is the first to console the w *i fe — a "d, in short, to marry her. But one night Jones talks in his sleep, and what he says is: "Smith, the cow! Hurrah"! The bus has got the blighter. What, oh, she bumps! Now for home and Elizabeth!" Guy and another passed the Waverlev Hotel and rounded the tobacconist's shop into Customs Street. Guy gave his age away by a wiffft «» saying: "Remember" the niYnnu. t,mc Whcn this was an DOORMAT. empty section, used by all the carters and express men? Excellent place for a free fi«ht or a mission tent, Manv a good old rcvital has taken place where now the nut-brown ale circulates. Do you remember Tim Doolan—the O'Mcaghcr brilliant in debate and the author of 'Flutina Flaherty of Taypot Lane!' There was a mission going on one" night, and Tim, in a spirit of debate, entered and challenged the remarks of the speaker. Tim was perfectly sound and coherent, but a couple of pious seamen who objected to his fluency rose like wrathful avengers and poured him* into the cool "i g S, T bcre was a,most a regrettable incident of a fighting nature. " 'In those days everybody was poor A woman in Dunediu was charged with stealing a doormat. The case was reported in. the \uckland 'Star,' and it so worked on the feclin«s of lim Doolan that he went all over Auckland saying to people, 'Give me a shilling!' Everybody would give Mr. O'Mcaghcr a shilling, and wait for the explanation, which was: 'Here's a poor widow woman steals a doormat to feed her starving children. Don't let em eat doormats! Ke sent a £5 note to Dunedin the same night, and gathered in a great deal more. He had many eccentricities, but his heart was as big as Phoenix Park." On the authority of the London "Times" a man in England was sentenced to one day's imprisonment for begging for hot water. Under STILT RPAvrwr *} n Z\ l&h ,aw a "an is enSTILL BRAYING, titled to ask anyone for cold water, but it is against the long ears and the brav to reouir* it warm. He may have wanted "toctnT£s indigestion, or to have a shave or a warm hath One imagines the fiendish joy of the househo der who knew his law so well that he couTd get a man into gaol for wanting to be dean One wonders what king Dei ff ra,i a imnSed this archaic law on the people I? E dates from medieval timeVwhcn both gent \l and simple thought general ablution positively shocking. Bathing in extenso was barred bat£ were banned, and even peers roamed The earth clad in silken doublet and hose, gold h^ed a ~«n,Xion of unwash. The vindictive animosity of a citizen who would give a man ,n for wan tin I hot water ,s allied to the diabolical haJof the man who succeeded in getting a fellow-cVeature transported for catching a fourpennv SSS fairest of rit?~ .T" -T land ' "* in *»"' own mirff tV ' n ? hte °usness hath availed n,an of justice .„d merc/it, ZInZZ mg him he was down and out, asked for aW The righteous one gave him in char™-One"of Britain s most distinguished iurisit f,. . since consolidated the sUtnS. In? . . anachronisms for ultima te cSsion aw that made it an offence. Z a"k t£l hot bath apparently still brays. 9 * hot