RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LVIII, Issue 89, 16 April 1927, Page 22

RANDOM SHOTS

Mr. Churchill's "Haster-egg"* Budget seems to have been one of those eggs lo ; which Dan Leno used to classify as not ! "fresh" or "new-laid,"' but "just eggs. - '

•Scotland has scored another point this week. A visiting distiller says that Knglishmen drink more whisky than Scotsmen. We may hear next that hpglishmeu arc fonder of the bagpipes.

A Sydney monumental mason calU himself a "monumentaliat." I have not yet seen the American "morticist" (undertaker) in Australasia yet, but I have fears.

One of the member* of the parly which recently loured tin* L'Tewora Country said, in an interview, that the "L'rcwcra Maoris were quite unspoiled." The boys and girls walked fourteen miles to hear the rc|»ort of a prize light on a wireless set. To coax the Maori to wireless is t»erhaps one method of "spoiling." It is one of the commonest illustrations of Shakespeare's carelessness or ignorance that in "The Winter's Talc"' he gave Bohemia a seacoast. "Our ship hath touch'd upon the desert* of Bohemia." Now the Cmh-lio Slovakians, who are our old friends the Bohemians under another name, are starting a mercantile marine. The lack of a seacoast worries I hem a« lililc a- it did Shakespeare. They do things differently in France. There a liliel action ended in the plaintiff kissing the defendant editor and the jury bringing in a verdict for defendant without leaving their seats. Here the possibility of Iwing kissed by n plaintiff would Ije as great a deterrent from publishing a lil»el as would the risk of being cast in damages. Fancy i»cing kissed by—but no, the task of filling up the blank, as Ko Ko says, 'I'd rather leave to you." F.very editot'j filing system would have a compartment labelled. "People I would rather not lie kissed by." Those who propose that a boy's call ing in life should he determined at twelve may he asked what would have happened to some of the famous men of history if such tests had been applied to them. George Washington would have been sent bush-felling. Clive, who was more distinguished at school for fighting than for work, would havj been trained as a pugilist, and India would not be British. By to-day's standard* Nelson would certainly have been rejected for the navy on physical grounds, and this apart, I suspect that the mental tests so beloved by certain educationists to-day would have put him in C 3. "A weakling," one can imagine the examiners saying. "Fit for nothing but work in an office." Genius blows were it lists, but the "vocationalistft" of to-day wish to stop it listing.

The secretary of a New Zealand golf club, to prove hi* |»oint that |>ooplr did not read notices posted on the club hoard, .«nid that he once notified members in this way that lie would jn»y a sovereign to the first man who claimed it, and no one applied. It was unkindly suggested that the secretary's writing was no bad that no one could read it. which, speaking generally, isn't altogether an impossibility. The famous American editor, Horace Greeley, once discharged a man by letter, and the man used the letter as a testimonial. Much more likely ns an explanation is the suspicion oT members. I'nlcss they were Scotch, they would think there was a catch somewhere and hold aloof. There is, 1 believe, a case on record of a man. for a wager, standing in a city street in England and offering sovereigns for a penny. There were no buyers.

A friend of mine is interested in my remarks almut censorship of elocutionary items. lie thinks restrictions might well be extended to private life. Within three or four years, he says, he has heard the same amateur entertainer give the same two items for "piece" And encore, three or four times. He is not sure about the four, but he is certain of the three. The first time this entertainer gave these items he (the listener) was considerably amused. The second time he was slightly amused. The third time he was bored. What worries him most, however, is what this reciter has been doing all the times that he has not heard him. The experience extends over several years, and it is reasonable to suppose that he has appeared before many more audiences than those of which my friend wns one. Is his repertoire larger than this, or has he Imwmi gixing these same two items at every gathering?

Mr. Blood worth says the reason he does not sing the National Anthem is that he is no singer. In some quarters that will not avail him. He will be expected—as soldiers are—to go through the motions of the thing. Others will wish that Mr. Bloodworth's consideration was shared by others. There are so many men and women who are no singers, but insist on singing. I cannot slug tlie old songs. Ilecause. you see, I have no voice. Possibly Mr. Bloodworth will agree with Dr. Johnson, who thought music merely one of the less disagreeable of noises, and is akin to famous men who have had no musical ear. One of them is reported to have said that he recognised only two tunes—one was "God Save the King" and the other ..asn't. Alter all, there is no actual need for a councillor or a Mayor to know even "God Save the King" when he hears it. He can always get a "sergeant-major Johnnv" to give him a signal.

Winston Churchill's Budget recall's the fact that his father was also Chancellor! of the Exchequer. One of the choicest stones of Lord Randolph it that shortly after ho was appointed Chancellor "n subordinate brought him a M-t of fl-nires containing decimals. "What are th, w j d d dots!" asked the custodian ot the national finances, Ix»r<l Randolph's career as Chancellor is interesting from another point of view. H e quarrelled with his Prime Minister on the ground of economy, and, supposing that he was indispensable, resigned. Lord Salisbury sent for Goschcn, and the Churchill i career was oyer. " I forgot Ooschcn.*" said Lord Randolph, and the saying has become proverbial. Moral, do'not act on the assumption that you arc indispensable. In one of his earliest appearances in the House, as a young man. Winston referred to this campaign of his father's for economy, when he said " I raise a tattered flag on a stricken field." To-day Winston, as Chancellor, i, being reproached, for cUi'ayagatic^