THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LVIII, Issue 78, 2 April 1927, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) "J.W.L." writes: It eecnis impostible for a bataniau to succeed iu getting a century and a duck in one inning*. I may add in ono hit. Still, the thing CENTUKIAN'B was done by the captain "DUCK." of the Glamorgan County team last eea*on. Thus, lieinjr 04 on. he lifted a six out of the Held, so making his century; but to detract from this, he no doubt whs culled on to pay for tho passing duck oil whose head the ball lodged with a fatal result. The Oftieiiil Assignee (Mr. ('•. N". Morris) seems to think a man who reaches down Hit a week can't keep a wife, four children and a motor rar (exes £2 a HONK! week). After all, a man of that calibre would only pay .CJ or so a week for rent (or interest). Then very likely the hewing machine would bo already paid for, and very little more than •W a w«H?k to pay for the furniture, with trilling sunia for rates, taxes and insurance. Tho cost of feeding and clothing six people is negligible. Why shouldn't he keep a car: Who docs not f May one hope that the French spirit of sport will not gain headway in New Zealand* M. Wisser, a Kugfoy player, who scored what he l»elieved to Iks a winTHE GALLIC ninp try. was so eharTOUCH. prined at it being disallowed that he blew his brains out. It revives the controversy, "Is Kughy a pastimo or a war:"' Here - * a letter (written in 19*15) by a boy addicted to s-port: iJenr Mum. — This l» to nay jjc«nl-l>v<" to jrou. (live my wlilie rat and piece of blue string to T«-«l. I cannot fare the future. Life ix uiieotJuratile without my Iflaicy alley. I lnM four marbles yemenlay, and It liaa brokeu my heart. rarrwt-H ! The red motor van dashed round a corner, an efficient ofticial at the wheel. It had right of way; les-t-r vehicles were naturally expected to fade into the gutters, POST HASTE. for the t\>eed of His Majesty's maiU is a paramount consideration. We New Zealander* must have rapidity—a week shorter mail service to London, for are not the eyes of the envious nations upon us! One listens in one's kitchen to nose music of a San Francisco vocalist, ono sends a letter to Svdney and it gets into Till Street in four days, and ono sends a letter to Belmont (between Dcvonport and Takapuua). three daye being necessary for its delivery. The particular »-aee is that of a Belmout man who received notice on Wednesday of a meeting held on the Tuesday—j»o*ted on Monday. The man is grateful for newspapers, telephones and fellow citizens, not to speak of iadio« and telegraphs. "W.8.E." ha- read paragraphs in which it i< shown that men impoverish themselves to buy and maintain motor cars. He expresses always his indignant beTHE GIPT. lief that cars are the

puree of the country. A month or two ago a friend spoke in glowing words of hi* own six-cylinder four-lirake Paii-handlc-Bu/juicott car. and "W.8.E." exclaimed hotly, "Hang all cars! Ruining the country: Wouldn't have one at a jMft:"'

Last week "W.8.E." lay asleep—the refreshing snooze a superannuated expert exj»ects. There came a terrific ring at the front door bell, a resounding rat-a-tat-tat at the knocker, a kick at the j»aiicl. He snored. Again that fearful din. His wife thumped on the intervening wall. "Will! Will! Get up—there - s bomeone at the door!" "It'e three o'clock in the morning, ,, he wailed, but he pot up and attended the door. The man who had Imasted about hie ear stood on the mat. "Wla-re shall I put your car. Bill*" he asked.

I haven't got a car. What d've mean!"

"Oh, months ago you «>aid you wouldn't have a car at a gift. I'\e got two now, and I'll give you one. There it is in the road. Where will you have it!' .

"Xowhere, dash it! I don't want a bally car! Won't have a jolly car. Got no garage for a bliiikin , car. No nothing. Get out! Go to Helensville!" (etc.) and went in, slamming tho iloor and so to l»cd again. "Would you bclic\c it," said "W.8.E.." "the heartless wretch threw the car over my fence, breaking two panels and damaging a favourite geranium!' .

And at breakfast the wife said, "Mv word, Will, you did talk in your sleep last night— and not .Sunday School words, either:"

A man of some wealth coiub-sceude*! to walk down Queen Street yesterday with M.A.T. He was going to post a letter, and ATT i>n*»« llc i<l, To ° ,n,,ch *h»cvALL THIEVES! ing goes on. Everybody

want* to rob the Government or the council or hie boss." . And M.A.T greatly daring, said that thieves are few and far between and arc merely "the fleas on the ilo s and that if everybody wanted to thieve life would be unendurable and that, indeed, it is honesty that is commonplace and dishonesty uncommon. He didn't sec quite eye to eye, and, aa he casually dropped his letter into a street pillar box, he said, "There arc llvo five-pound notee in that letter!" The man who believed that everybody was on the prowl with "sticky fingers" went awav i»erfectly content that his valuable letter "would reach its distant destination. The average business man trusts hundreds of |»coplo daily and it is only the incurable thief by nature who lete him down. One per cent, do you think! And, apropos of the*e red trust letter lKJxes in every town in a vast Empire, the lirst in the world was at Cheltenham in Gloucestershire. Trust and confidence grow for that first letter l«ox was guarded by a constable for sexenil weeks. People "certain!v used to post letter* in pumps and odd *Jits iii building,, f,,r a while, and they never reached their destinations. Thieves! By the «av before George IV. went to Cheltenham (the garden town of Knglandl and drank ihc waters, he said, "Hoch: Hoeh! Tut: Tut'" It was a small tillage. Now it has »eten! unguarded posting Ui X ,->: 'Your boy—what will he beonu-r the vicar said to the proud young mother at the Milage ehurch baptUnial font. "Who knows • thSS?S t<! .. ! ,u " ,;, " piro - " c n, «y IMOUGHTS. , iK-conie a great inventor , . , Edison, a "reat ESI, , ™ , ik ".' ,d,i T' ■ ,Cadin - toch. a bnlliaiit ehurchman like the Bishop of Undon. a o f gigantic cnterprisel Ike H.nry Ford-what name have vo U !^r C • .; XlUl ,h ° fo,,d . Voun S »'oth.r Mary, «.,r. Auckland l»y a who see Uoval Navy units Mieakinj; away like hounds "of prey aero** the green tumult of water w roman™ and travel and honour in a \aw career And m> a C«llio,« Koad uncle askwl us younp nephew, "What would vou like to And x»hat arc you gou.g to Iwi' , "A lakers nSL r The Pnrf'-W* told his m»' i i! ,, l Wanl to ** ' ust a » onlinarv man and have a motor rar/' Remember James Whitcomb Uiley's verses: An Impetuous Resolve? a i!- ~e P ainc y Tlncher, hes A-go to be a tailor; a *"■;* • i°' •« »* v«- J*k . rnrria «T« , •*",. w "°n / ;?r»« a yn>at bis man '""SO lobf a baker! "name: and li.imc'll lake it An buy n9 Hno a double rj ? Aa «ver Bud ean mak« it HIT' ,, i Tiyv r ° unU irT «» c . *BSS J?SSJr" ,hc "^