"LAUGH WITH ME."

Auckland Star, Volume LVIII, Issue 78, 2 April 1927, Page 27

"LAUGH WITH ME."

(All Rights Reserved.)

HUMOROUS SELECTIONS. (By GEORGE MOZART, the Celebrated Comedian.) It is st: , .'; , ;! that oilcloth is being Utilised by si-arcliers after novelities in tl; •. av ■ • cr.rtains and frocks. So now ljok ( U for the linoleum jumper and the cor!: ; ctt:."<.al. I read that it is no longer the fashion for l vGplc to run down their friends at the tou-talx , . Of course not. In this age of motoring it is much more effective to nm them down in the road. "Yes, lie ueed to be a light-weight champion. That's how he made his money." "Ah! A prize-fighter?" "No! A grocer." Proud father: Now, Willie, just answer the lady. Who would you rather be— Little boy: Edison. Lillte boy: Edison. Father: Why? Little boy: 'Cos he ain't dead. "I say," said the city man to his stenographer, "there's only one "T" in "Atone"; jnst knock one out." "Yes, sir," answered the smiling young thing who was always anxious to please, "which one?" "Of course, he's got some excuse for being up-pish." "Why?" "He's a steeple-jack." "Heavens! And they complain that a woman's work is never done," muttered the nice kind husband as he tackled a burnt-up steak. "What impertinence to speak to me," said the indignant maid. "I don't know you from Adam." "And how," asked the brutal young man as he glanced at her very short Bkirts, "can you expect me to know you from Eve?" Dame Bountiful: Well, Mrs. Snapper, is your husband still at sea,? Mrs. Snapper; 'E's on 'is way 'ome, but 'e's been 'eld hup in gelatine at Malta. "I wish I were a young man," sighec Ma. "If you had been, what a lot of monej I should have saved," retorted Pa. "Ah! It has been well epent," she te minded him sweetly; "1 loved you foi it!" "And next year," said proud Maggie "we're going to have a cupola on oui house." "That's nothing," sneered the euperioi Pamela; "I heard Pa say we're going t< have a mortgage on ours." Mrs. Snaffle: By the way you treat mi I'm sure you must consider me mereb as a piece of the furniture. Mr. Snaffle: Ko! You haven't enougl polish. Dad: Did you find that tart heavy 01 your chest last night ? Little Bobbie: No! I 'spect Tomnr woke up first an , took it." He had stayed so late at the loca hotel that she had at hist summed u courage to go to fetch him. She foum him beaming with geniality, if a littl thick in his speech. "Do come home now, Jim," she pleadec "My dear girl," he replied, "111 do any thing in reason for you, but I can't com home I" ' Stranger (to self-important man): should much appreciate your autograpl Self-important One: Delighted! Whei shall I put it? Stranger: At the bottom of yoi cheque for twenty pounds, please. Yc see, I'm your tailor's collector 1" "Yes, fine etude aren't they? I on] gave a penny for them. They are n< real diamonds you know." "Dear me; you don't say so!"