THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 247, 18 October 1926, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

■ (By THE MAN ABOUT ■ AN UNEXPLORED MARKET """! he?t c e orge ' S S*? »<»*»* better on Monday morning. He can down this morning with a scheme r S thought out to save New Zealand. _? had watched, he said, with considerableperturbation, a good deal of ! no little sinking of the heart (he'u member of a road beard, and is careful of his language) the falling of the price of -New Zealand butter in London W considered the Control Board to he t?! middle and two ends (the tins sentence is editorally expand! Ihere was, he continued, however on gleam of radiance on the darklin-'*? hue of our credit, one sheet anohJT?" the desert of despair, £<_£££_ sea of sorrow, one pledge in the pawn shop of the Empire. On Sunday ff assumed his old army ammunition book and had merely walked about Ms «K_ in the ram. Soaking to the skif but triumphant in spirit, he had, he conjmtad slain two thousand snails, all of th most luscious description. Why had he trodden on them? Why did not he and thousands of other New Zealand patriots refrain from treading on them* New Zealand was seething with freezing works and pediculous with kerosene and benzine tins. Our allies, our dear friend? our comrades in arms in France were crying out for snails and yet more snails. The snail market in France was practically without limit. Fifty miiu o n trench folk hungered for snails three times a day. Children in their little cots quarrelled with each other for possession of the family snail. In Som6 of the poorer French families they had to hand the daily snail round. This is the best snail season New Zealand has ever had. George, one of the most successful snail growers in the North Island, says that he computes the crop at two million horns per acre. He says that if all the snails in the North Island were placed end to end they would reach from Taku Forts to Takapuna. Why should the French be bereft of snails? Here George stepped off the bus backwards, but got up uninjured. "You ought to take the New Zealand snailway instead of the bus," said a jester, and a cruel laugh went up. MEMORIES OF TOWNS.—Tewkesbury. Ancient Theoxbury has more history about it than the whole of the land lying between Wellesley Street and the Prince's wharf. It was in the vicinity that the Britons fought our ancient German forefathers ana gave it up for a bad job, retiring growling to Wales and Cornwall. Looking at Tewkesbury of to-day one hardly credits that tie peaceful little paradise, with its beautiful abbey, has been the scene of so much bloodshed. Those angry Lancastrians were put to rout here in 1471, and in the Civil War the Royalists and Parliamentarians occupied it alternately. One has gazed on the peaceful fields where these old conflicts were carried out, and has thought what a futile thing it was for men to batter each other to death with axes, hand to hand, when it would be much more Christianlike to blow them to bits at ten miles range, or give them gas with their rations. It took hours and hours to kill a few thousand men at Tewkesbury. Any Christian general would deplore such a waste of good daylight. Apart from the exquisite abbey and historic Severn, down which has flowed so much British blood the little town is a storehouse of old times. There are dwelling houses here that tie Normans built, and the quaint overhanging oak beamed houses of later date. You get real cider, too. Not a single modern Control Board has pnt a single spot of salicylic acid on Tewkesbury yet, and the Theoxburians hate threatened Yanks who want to cart tie village to Pennsylvania with bows and arrows. It was here that Jawn and Garge had their celebrated chat when the first aeroplane flew over. Said Garge to Jawn. "Times is a changin' Jawn!" Said Jawn to Garge, "Oi tley be, but a pint pot don't 'old no more than 'er used to." i NOBLE INSTITUTIONS. The careless mention in a New Zealand newspaper of the fact that English banks pay interest on money with them is evidence of a local desire to attack our most cherished institutions. Now that it is known that English banks pay interest on current accounts, and do not gather in exchange on inland cheques, the terrible thought arises. "Will New Zealand banks follow suit? How ig it possible to buy new rubber mats for the front step of the bank, and erect aerial pepper boxes if banks have to dilute their eight per cent investments by srivinii that universal nuisance, the depositor, two and a-half per cent on his own nionev? It seems to be too little understood that the bank exists far the benefit of the depositor and not the depositor for the benefit of the bant. Most depositors understand this. One sees it in the deep respect with whicti the customer treats the man at tie maho-anv. He never knows the moment when a stern teller backed by a manager with grim lips may say to him as ne tries to deceive the management into taking five hundred pounds frofm Dim "No/Mr. Smith, we cannot take tni» money from you. This endeavour bj the public to deposit money in banks will have to cease. We will accept this small sum this time on the understanding that you pay us handsomely tor keeping it." Mr. Smith, greatly relieved, will reacfl across the mahogany and bedew toe manager's hand with grateful tears. SAYS BILL. \ clemvman says: "Wise and serious-minded' people will alwaysiseek to test currct religious tendency oy all-inehKive test and build patlfiHg i for the future. Our task is not to « about the tendencies of the age but w . set hopeful]v about the spread ot a r . gion which can be vindicated for modern men in a threefold „ ' flcal/ tional, the intellectual and the mystics I do not often go to church I'm sorry fur to say. „. tT , ra lBecause rhevr'e not quite natural--1 But still, I alvris say - a , That when a woman 's wantin £000, Or biddies lack a crust ' I'd do mc bloomin- larst bean in To 'elp erne, yes. or bust. 1 I carn't see W this splittin* words , 10 .7 r ;r-^ U 'ow r nTrearfflewfeen ; i :^p^!^Bt?B\ \ But'mfand 1 Jane will give a feed To any mothers son. • Imajrin' mc a bishop, a canon o *\*£_hlt . Or mc old dutch a duchess, or a queen. r .__ t 'We ain't religious—oh, myuoa. We'll never go to eaven., But for a poor old down andont 1 We'd throw a bloomi' seven. V