IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 204, 28 August 1926, Page 22

IN MERRIER MOOD

PRIZE FOR BEST STORY. For the beat anecdote *ent in each week ■ prize of Five Shilli n « will be awarded. While in judging preference will be c \ vtn local stories, contributions need not be original, but in ail cases the source from which taken should be stated. The Editor* decision must be regarded aa final. All anecdotes intended for competition muat be received at this office by the Monday preceding publication. The envelopes containing contributions must be endorsed with the word* "Anecdote" in the top left-hand corner, and addressed Editor. " The Auckland Star," Auckland.

The prize this week ia awarded to K. Elie, 42, Hilton Road, Mount Eden, for: "A CROOK SPIN." Some years ago, when the late Inspector Black was in charge of the Greymouth district, a well-known identity, and a bit of a wag named Mc ex-A.C. man, and employed by the Public Works Department, was arrested by Constable White at an outlying township for drunkenness, a frequent occurrence with "Mac," and was duly brought before Magistrate Crook in Greymouth, Bub-inepector Black prosecuting. After the charge was read, the Magistrate asked, "Have you anything to say, prisoner T" "Well, your Worship," was the reply, "between Black and White I am having a Crook spin." TOOK HIM LITERALLY. Some time ago an old Anglo-Indian, a retired colonel, much addicted to whisky, made his home in Auckland. He was a great sufferer from gout, and presently became quite the most profitable patient the local doctor had. The doctor, himself an elderly man, had been attending the colonel for some time, and one very cold, wet night, he received an -urgent summons to the home of his patient. He found the colonel suffering from a severe attack, and swearing furiously. "Now, doctor," he roared, as the medical man appeared, "I'm not going to pay you as I have been doing if you don't make some effort to cure mc. Strike at the root of the trouble, man, strike at the root of the trouble!" The doctor was also fiery-tempered. He swung round to the big sideboard, seized his stick, and smashed the decanter to fragments. "There," he said to the stupefied colonel, as he went out of the room, "I've struck."

DISCONCERTING. Apropos of Douglas Fairbanks and Mary Pickford's trip abroad, one may wonder if the former will meet King Alfonso this year. When he was presented to the King of Spain last year, he wisely had his little speech all ready. It was gracefully international, quite Hands- Across-the-Seaish. The august moment arrived — "How do you do, Mr. Fairbanks r" said King Alfonso. "How's Fatty Arbuckle?" TWO HEARTS THAT BEAT. One of Bernard Shaw's talents is conveying the impression that he agrees with his critics, and at the same time turning their fire back upon them. At the first night performance of his "Arms and tJie Man," in response to calls for the author, he came before the curtain at the end of the play. Almost the entire audience greeted him with cheers, all except one man in the gallery, who kept up a continuous hissing. Waiting for a lull in the tumult, Shaw began: "I am glad to find that there is one person here with sufficient intelligence to share my opinion of this play/

Equally Well. New Nurse (at bed-time)! «H- O--nicely you say your prayers, dear " Molly: "Oh, that's nothing. J n§ t wait till you hear mc gargle!" English Not So Good. "How are you getting on at echooL Henry?" asked his father. Tine," answered Henry, "I have learned to ea» 'Thank you' and 'If you pl^ge , in French." "Good," said the father, "that'§ more than you ever learnt to sty ii English/ , No More Birthdayi. Little Sallie had very much enjoyed the celebration of her birthday anniversary. "I'm awfully sorry for you," she laid to her elder—very much elder—sister "Why?" "Because you never have birthdays now." Suspicious. Smith —"What's wrong, old man! Yon look worried." Jones—"l am. You know I had my life insured last week." "Yes, but what has that got to da with it?" Jones—"Well, the very next day my wife bought a new cookery book. Possibly it's all right; but it certainly looks suspicious." A Sound Investment "I have spent nearly £5000 on that girl's education," complained the aggrieved father, "and here she goes and marries a young fellow with an incoms of only £250 a year." "Well," said the friend of the family, "that's five per cent on your investment. What more can you expect in theet times ?"