IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LVII, Issue 144, 19 June 1926, Page 22

IN MERRIER MOOD

PRIZE FOR BEST STORY. For t_e best anecdote sent in each week a prise of Five Shilliagi will be awarded. While in judging preference will be given t< local stories, contribution* need not bo original, but in all casa the source from which taken should be stated. The Editor decision must be regarded as final. All anecdotes intended fo competition must be received at this office by the Monday pre ceding publication. The envelopes containing contributions mm be endorsed with the words "Anecdote" in the top left-ham corner, and addressed Editor, "The Auckland Star," Auckland

The weekly prize is awarded this week to Miss Mary Doherty, of Portland, for the folowing: INFINITE MERCY. The preacher was Scotch and of the old school, who believed in hell and all its torments. One Sunday he brought a particularly fire and brimstone 6ermo_ to a triumphant ending by exclaiming: "And there yell be, all ye wicket sinners; and the flames will be roar in 5 roun' ye; and there'll be weepin' an' gnashin' o' teeth, and yell be cryin' oot unto the Lor-rd, 'Oh, Lor-rd! We did not know, we did not know.' And the Lor-rd, in the infinite maircy and compassion of His loving hairt, will say, 'Weal, ye ken the noo."' KATHLEEN MAVOURNEEN. He had just received a life sentence and was being led across the courthouse on his way back to jail when a friend hailed him. "How long have you got to serve, Jim?" he shouted. "Oh, just from now on," answered Jim, cheerily. FRYING PAN TO FIRE. At a first-night performance of a certain play that was fated to be withdrawn after a brief and inglorious run, a spectator observed to the man in the seat beside him, "That. leading lady is the poorest actress I have ever seen." "That lady is my wife," was the reply. "Indeed!" exclaimed the first speaker hastily. "Well, perhaps I am wrong On second thought I am inclined to believe she is a good actress struggling with a poor play. I wonder who wrote it?" "I am theauthor," said the other, simply. WHEN FOUND MAKE A NOTE OF. As a rich man was motoring through a country district he noticed an old man seated outside a cottage, with all his furniture piled in heaps round him. The rich man's kind heart was deeply moved and he stopped his car, alighted, and spoke to the old man. "Poor old soul!" he said. And, pro-1 ducing his pocket-book, he gave the old fellow a five-pound note, * which he promptly pocketed with grateful acknowledgments. "What's your trouble? Evicted, I suppose?" "No, sir," the mournful reply. "It's just my old wife at her spring cleaning."

" Haven't I told you never to blow on your soup when it's too hot?"

He (reading): The knight went out to chase the boar. She (yawning): Wish I had a knight. _ Most people's idea, of a college man is a fellow who can take two steps before his trousers move. "Are they really poor?" "Yes; they don't know where the cook to cook their next meal is comin- from.'' Father (who doesn't smoke): Minnie I smell cigarette smoke on your lips ' Daughter: I got that from __,_- ---mother. c "I'll get you anything you want," Said he to smooth her pout; But she was mean, and said to him, "Then, if you please, Get out!"' "Can your fiancee keep a secret!" "I should think she can. We were engaged two or three weeks before I knew a thing about it." Bank Clerk: "Have you anythin- to identify yourself by?" Fair One: "Er—yes, if you mustknoW; I have a mole on my left arm." Little brother: Bet he'd kiss you if I weren't here. Co-ed: You insolent hoy! Leave the room this minute. Householder: This will never do. Did you lay this table., Mary? Mary: Yes, sir, I did that, all but the eggs, sir. 'You say that Smith was accidental'v killed?" "Yes; he had a Sunday edition of a Los Angeles paper on the piano, and, in reaching for it, it fell on him." "What's the time?" "Just twelve." "I thought it was more than that.". "It's never more in these parts. After that it begins again at one." Customer: "Have you the same razor you used on mc yesterday?" Barber: "Yes, sir, the same identical one." Customer: "Then give mc gas."